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Old 01-12-2011, 07:36 AM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,732,898 times
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The "I think I might be pregnant" thing sounds like an attention ploy to me, too. Hopefully, she isn't. Obviously.

But the fact that she's put it out there might just be the catalyst for change you were looking for, and is a good dose of the reality of the consequences of boinking. Let him sweat that idea for a minute, and perhaps he'll take the whole thing more seriously. I don't think he'll rebel. He'll probably be relieved to have dodged that particular bullet, and go back to being 14.

You forbidding him to see her is probably a relief to him too. It gives him an out, and a way to save face. I really think overall this has been a good lesson to him. Next time, he might think first, and take a more responsible route. The fun has likely completely gone out of the whole idea by this point. Hopefully.
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Old 01-12-2011, 08:37 AM
 
852 posts, read 1,136,977 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
The "I think I might be pregnant" thing sounds like an attention ploy to me, too. Hopefully, she isn't. Obviously.

But the fact that she's put it out there might just be the catalyst for change you were looking for, and is a good dose of the reality of the consequences of boinking. Let him sweat that idea for a minute, and perhaps he'll take the whole thing more seriously. I don't think he'll rebel. He'll probably be relieved to have dodged that particular bullet, and go back to being 14.

You forbidding him to see her is probably a relief to him too. It gives him an out, and a way to save face. I really think overall this has been a good lesson to him. Next time, he might think first, and take a more responsible route. The fun has likely completely gone out of the whole idea by this point. Hopefully.
This! Finster is wise.
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Old 01-12-2011, 09:12 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,076,504 times
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Originally Posted by MzSJP View Post
P.S. I don't know if its a motherly instinct or not, but I really don't think she's pregnant. But I told her mom to let me know the results and we will take it from there.
Didn't the first time your son had sex with her occur just earlier this week?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lucygirl951 View Post
She doesn't have any actual verification that she's pregnant at this point (it's probably too soon). Knowing girls, I would guess one of two things: (1) She may truly be afraid that she's pregnant and confided that in a friend OR (2) She's trying to get attention from her peers by starting pregnancy rumors about herself.
I'm going with Option 2!

Quote:
Originally Posted by chicagojlo View Post
Or he's not the only possible father.
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
I haven't read the other posts after your update. But keep this in mind... he damn well better demand a DNA test when the baby is born.
That's the first thing that came to my mind! There's no certainty that this is her first time.

And to experience enough pregnancy symptoms to "think" one is pregnant doesn't happen within days of having sex makes paternity questionable.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
The "I think I might be pregnant" thing sounds like an attention ploy to me, too. Hopefully, she isn't. Obviously.

But the fact that she's put it out there might just be the catalyst for change you were looking for, and is a good dose of the reality of the consequences of boinking. Let him sweat that idea for a minute, and perhaps he'll take the whole thing more seriously. I don't think he'll rebel. He'll probably be relieved to have dodged that particular bullet, and go back to being 14.

You forbidding him to see her is probably a relief to him too. It gives him an out, and a way to save face. I really think overall this has been a good lesson to him. Next time, he might think first, and take a more responsible route. The fun has likely completely gone out of the whole idea by this point. Hopefully.
Let's Hope. (That's my username for a reason!)
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Old 01-12-2011, 09:23 AM
 
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Okay, and I'm not referring to anyone in particular here, but can we please remember that we are talking about a 14 y.o. girl who is clearly being poorly parented. Yes, she's bad news and the OP should keep her son away from the girl, but the girl is likely confused, looking for attention, love, guidance, something. My heart goes out to her. Her future seems bleak, and there is a good chance that she is going to be pregnant with someone's baby before she graduated from high school. It's just sad.
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Old 01-12-2011, 09:26 AM
 
220 posts, read 490,704 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
The "I think I might be pregnant" thing sounds like an attention ploy to me, too. Hopefully, she isn't. Obviously.

But the fact that she's put it out there might just be the catalyst for change you were looking for, and is a good dose of the reality of the consequences of boinking. Let him sweat that idea for a minute, and perhaps he'll take the whole thing more seriously. I don't think he'll rebel. He'll probably be relieved to have dodged that particular bullet, and go back to being 14.

You forbidding him to see her is probably a relief to him too. It gives him an out, and a way to save face. I really think overall this has been a good lesson to him. Next time, he might think first, and take a more responsible route. The fun has likely completely gone out of the whole idea by this point. Hopefully.
Thanks for the excellent input. I am really trying to get him to see the fact that this girl is going around saying she could be pregnant is just not a good thing. I asked him if he thought that she would be a good mother given the way that she is right now. And he said "No". I asked him if that is what he wanted out of life and he said "No".

Honestly, after talking to him for a while last night and him going through the motions...shock, "this isn't fair, and crying. I did see him start to come around and I saw a sense of the relief and "a way out" that you metioned. I told him that this decision is on ME. I'M putting an end to it, so he doesn't have to worry about anyone thinking that it was his choice. He asked when I was going to talk to her and her mother and I said this weekend. (We had a significant snow storm come through our area last night or I would have said TONIGHT). But, he asked if we could go lastnight because he just wanted to "get it over with". I was happy to hear that and thought that he was accepting it. When we got to her house, she busted out crying of course, but he didn't (he had already done his crying at home)...he just hugged her. After we left there, it seemed like he went down hill, from possibly accepting it, to being very sad about it again.

He does not have school today because of the snow, so I bought him into work with me. He seems like he's up and down today (okay at times and then really sad). When I introduce him to people he smiles and is kind. But he's moving really slow at doing his school work that I told him to bring a long today...laying his head on the desk instead. I really hope this is not the beggining of him being defiant...but then again, we were up until 1 am, so he could just be tired.

Again...Thank You to everyone for your input. I do not have the time to respond to them all but I have been reading them all and they are all very helpful.
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Old 01-12-2011, 09:29 AM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,732,898 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lucygirl951 View Post
Okay, and I'm not referring to anyone in particular here, but can we please remember that we are talking about a 14 y.o. girl who is clearly being poorly parented. Yes, she's bad news and the OP should keep her son away from the girl, but the girl is likely confused, looking for attention, love, guidance, something. My heart goes out to her. Her future seems bleak, and there is a good chance that she is going to be pregnant with someone's baby before she graduated from high school. It's just sad.
Yes, I was just thinking about that while making my toast this morning. That poor girl. It's not her fault she's being brought up by a pack of wolves.

Sounds like she needs to be steered towards a mentor style program asap. Maybe someone can make a difference in her life before it's too late - and before she brings some other 14 year old boy down with her. It's awful.
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Old 01-12-2011, 09:33 AM
 
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I would guess that he s just drained emotionally and he will bounce back quickly. Try not to dwell on any of it right now with him. Put it all in a box right now and focus on other things. I bet life will get back to normal before you know it.
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Old 01-12-2011, 09:40 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,076,504 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lucygirl951 View Post
Okay, and I'm not referring to anyone in particular here, but can we please remember that we are talking about a 14 y.o. girl who is clearly being poorly parented. Yes, she's bad news and the OP should keep her son away from the girl, but the girl is likely confused, looking for attention, love, guidance, something. My heart goes out to her. Her future seems bleak, and there is a good chance that she is going to be pregnant with someone's baby before she graduated from high school. It's just sad.
It is super sad. It seems there is always a young girl in every class who wants to get pregnant. There was one in my grade. There was one in my son's grade. And they both accomplished their goals. I've known of others too. Young girls who want babies usually end up having babies.

My point is that any parent of a minor who is accused of getting this girl pregnant should insist on a DNA test. If the girl is hell bent on having a baby, she'll have a baby by anyone she can. Given her mindset, no paternal grandparent should pay child support unless it is proven to be truly genetically related via DNA testing.

It's a shame that this is the result of poor parenting due to low-life mentality. A bigger shame is that she's likely to pass this same mentality down through the generations. This is a sad testament of a segment of society. This is one of those areas where schools should get involved by identifying children at risk of repeating the mindset ingrained in generations of their families. Yet in many areas of the country people don't want the schools involved in sex ed.
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Old 01-12-2011, 10:44 AM
 
Location: Lowell, MA
6,926 posts, read 5,578,563 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
You cannot do anything about the girl and her mother.

Take your son to Walgreens and introduce him to the condom aisle. Right there in front of everybody. Buy the condoms. Take him home and show him how they are used. Have him show you what he learns. Correct him if necessary.

Public library. Books with photos (in color) of how STDs affect the human body. Sit him on the couch with the condoms and the books. (Does he know what an STD is? If not his education needs to start tonight.) HIV/AIDS. Hep C. Tell him everything and tell him, yes, people die from these diseases.

Explain the facts of life to him. Child support. Rent. JOBS. (This will have little effect on him because right now there is only one part of his body that is thinking and it is not his brain.)

Condoms, condoms, condoms. DO NOT rely on this girl or her mother to get "the shot". Ain't going to happen and you don't have any control over them. Zilch.

I'm not condoning your son having sex but that boat has sailed. Short of a religious conversion he is not going to want to stop now.

You have to deal with your son in some pretty firm terms or you are going to be a grandparent in nine months. I'd start with the condoms as a kind of stop-gap measure until you have a way to separate these two. (And if it's not "her" it's going to be another girl.)

He needs a continuing talk on the consequences of his having sex as a 14-year old.
DewDropIn,

WOW, you just said everything I was going to say. BRAVO!!!

Another consequence to his behavior, if the State isn't already involved with the family because of non attendance at school they may become involved because of her age. If the State is involved or the mom wanted to give your son a hard time, he could go to jail for Statutory Rape, even thou it's consensual. It's the age factor that counts. They could be reported by Drs., teachers, neighbors, friends anyone with some concern!

You better watch your approach with your son, he's not going to take all of this very calmly!!!! Just keep praying that she is not pregnant yet and all this nonsense can stop. I mean birth control wise!!!! Make his responsibilities perfectly clear to him. I have already had the talk with my 12 year old, and he is scared ****-less. The thought of going to jail or having the girls father beat the **** out of him scared him silly!!! Now he thinks about his future graduating from 8th grade, going to High School, then on to College (hopefully), at least his mindset is geared in the right direction, he is also active in sports and after school programs. My son can't wait until he can work!!!! One of his older friends who is 14, works pt at our local grocery store!!!!

Keep him active in sports & don't just stop at one job application, have him type a resume, make copies of his teacher's letters and make him apply for at least 3 jobs a week with follow up. At his age he shouldn't be sitting around the house waiting for her to come over. Make him be responsible for his life...
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Old 01-12-2011, 11:21 AM
 
527 posts, read 866,176 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
I'm going to reiterate something: Showing him the photos. In WWII the govt. showed men in the armed forces films and photos of male organs with STDs before they shipped out overseas. Apparently they were very graphic. When my sons were hitting puberty we had my dad (who had seen those films) sit down with our sons and tell them about what he'd seen. In detail. They came out of the meeting looking like death warmed over. They also came out knowing all about condoms and underage sex.

Then just a few weeks ago I was talking to a 20 something whose mother was a public health nurse. He told me that she sat him and his brother down with the same kinds of photos and lectured them on STDs. He told me it scared the fire out of both of them.

So it has an effect.
Great Advice
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