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Old 01-13-2011, 09:39 AM
 
220 posts, read 490,607 times
Reputation: 336

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lucygirl951 View Post
Hopes beat me to the fertility chart, but all of this is making me think that I need to start beginning to have more detailed talks with my 11 y.o. about her body.

Ugh. They're too young! If I scream that enough times, will it work? OP, I can't imagine what you're going through, but I fully support the choices you're making. And I feel sorry for your son. Now someone is threatening to beat him up? Are you sleeping at all these days?
Barely!

If were you I would talk to my daughter about her body now. I wouldn't risk thinking that it's too early.

That's what I did with buying my son condoms. Even though I've talked to him about having sex and using condoms way before this girlfriend...I held off on buying them for him. Now I'm wishing that I bought them a little sooner.
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Old 01-13-2011, 10:13 AM
 
220 posts, read 490,607 times
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This is not a responsible 18 year old that wanted to fight my son. This is a boy who hangs around the girl's house and apparently likes (or is dating) this mutual friend of my son and his now ex-"girlfriend" (this mutual friend (also 14) allegedly started the pregnancy rumors) and he also likes the girl that my son was dating. (This all came out in the conversation at the mother's house the other night).

So apparently this girl that my son was dating told their mutual friend that she could be pregnant...and the mutual friend went around telling everyone. My son called the mutual friend and asked why she was spreading rumors, she denied it, and they were arguing...The mutual friend went back and told the 18 year old that she was arguing with my son, and that is why he wanted to fight him.

I've already made it clear...I told the girl's mother to get the message to this 18 yo that he is to STAY AWAY from my 14 yo son, or me and the cops will come looking for him!

We also went to the 14 yo mutual friend's house last night and I made it clear that she is to keep my son's name out of her mouth (and vice versa)...no more spreading rumors...no more saying anything about him, and they are to stay away from each other. I was tempted to tell the girl's dad that she is apparently dating this 18 yo, but I didn't....I have enough on my plate. I believe it is true, but it's also just hear say on my part. But this is the circle of kids that my son was associated with just from dating this girl and it's ridiculous.

Hope is right...The drama, the drama!!

P.S. I'm also hoping to use this experience to teach him to choose the people that he hangs around with more carefully.

Last edited by MzSJP; 01-13-2011 at 10:40 AM..
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Old 01-13-2011, 11:09 AM
 
14,777 posts, read 34,544,673 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MzSJP View Post
Yes, the "act" happened on the prior Friday (Jan 8th) and less than a week later this girl is saying she thinks she's pregnant? Come on. Also, her mother said that she had just went off of her period the week before the act, so I'm thinking that she may not have even been fertile (ovulating) at that time.

But still, I will definitely follow-up with the mother and make sure that she's gotten her period AND a negative pregnancy test. God forbid she ends up conceiving a child in the next month or two...it will not be blamed on my son.
I had a friend who certainly knew better, being he is in his 20's, and had unprotected sex with an ex-girlfriend who he saw at a party (apparently he thinks/thought using coitus interuptus is acceptable birth control ). Anyway, a week and a half later she calls him and says she's pregnant and had a positive test. Despite me ( I only have three kids, what do I know ) telling him that it was pretty much impossible for her to be sure and have a positive test that soon, he believed her.

Supported her financially and emotionally through the entire pregnancy and she ended up moving in with him at one point, despite the fact that being together was nothing but constant drama. He started questioning things at the 20 week ultrasound when the pregnancy was dated to before they were together, but was at the extreme edge of the error margin. She refused an amnio to check paternity before the birth, do to the "risks". Well, she has the baby and at the urging of everyone he knows, had a paternity test done. Well, lo and behold the baby wasn't his. Suffice to say it messed him up pretty good and bothers him to this day. Turns out she slept with a much younger guy who had no ability to support her, so she ran to my friend who works for his families business, knowing that he would do "what was right".

If she does end up pregnant, I would insist on her taking another test and then seeing the actual blood test results. After that, I would also insist on having the amnio paternity test done, though you really can't control that.

The paternity thing is incredibly important given the fact that this 18 year old is hovering around these girls and apparently likes your sons ex. Whose to say she didn't decide to test the waters before your son with this guy, get pregnant and then sleep with your son in an effort to cover it up? Not too far stretched given the caliber of people we are dealing with.

Regardless, I'm sorry you are going through this and hope that it all works out. At the very least it seems your son is learning some hard lessons that will stick with him.

Stay strong mom and do what you feel is right.

PS I do retract my earlier advice about not coming down like a ton of bricks. This has escalated well beyond the simple fact they had sex. Get your momma lion on and do what you have to do.
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Old 01-13-2011, 11:51 AM
 
220 posts, read 490,607 times
Reputation: 336
Oh gosh...now there's all types of things going through my mind...I really hope this girl doesn't try to go off having sex between now and her period to get pregnant and blame it on my son, thinking that will make them see eachother again.

God forbid, but if she is pregnant...I already know what I want to do. But she's not my child, and I won't be able to make it happen. I wouldn't put it past her mother to let her keep the baby just so her daughter can be happy and turn around and try to milk MY pockets for support. Ughhhhh. Please, please, please, do not let this girl be pregnant (by anyone)!! I don't want to have to go through paternity...termination...nothing...I just want to be done with these people!!

When is the soonest that she can get an accurate test? She said that she should get her period again on the 26th of Jan. Somebody please count for me...my mind is GONE.

Last edited by MzSJP; 01-13-2011 at 11:51 AM.. Reason: grammar
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Old 01-13-2011, 12:10 PM
 
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
1,917 posts, read 6,308,770 times
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Gosh OP...I'm just sending you ((hugs)) and lots of prayers. Parenting is tough.
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Old 01-13-2011, 12:24 PM
 
10,139 posts, read 22,435,726 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MzSJP View Post
Oh gosh...now there's all types of things going through my mind...I really hope this girl doesn't try to go off having sex between now and her period to get pregnant and blame it on my son, thinking that will make them see eachother again.

God forbid, but if she is pregnant...I already know what I want to do. But she's not my child, and I won't be able to make it happen. I wouldn't put it past her mother to let her keep the baby just so her daughter can be happy and turn around and try to milk MY pockets for support. Ughhhhh. Please, please, please, do not let this girl be pregnant (by anyone)!! I don't want to have to go through paternity...termination...nothing...I just want to be done with these people!!

When is the soonest that she can get an accurate test? She said that she should get her period again on the 26th of Jan. Somebody please count for me...my mind is GONE.
They can't really get anything from a 14 year old, support wise, I don't think, so the less accommodating you are the less likely they will see this as an opportunity to get some money. At least until he is 18. That's a long time. So don't offer any medical expenses or anything unless they are looking for money for (un) Planned Parenthood.
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Old 01-13-2011, 12:43 PM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,731,674 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MzSJP View Post
Oh gosh...now there's all types of things going through my mind...I really hope this girl doesn't try to go off having sex between now and her period to get pregnant and blame it on my son, thinking that will make them see eachother again.

God forbid, but if she is pregnant...I already know what I want to do. But she's not my child, and I won't be able to make it happen. I wouldn't put it past her mother to let her keep the baby just so her daughter can be happy and turn around and try to milk MY pockets for support. Ughhhhh. Please, please, please, do not let this girl be pregnant (by anyone)!! I don't want to have to go through paternity...termination...nothing...I just want to be done with these people!!

When is the soonest that she can get an accurate test? She said that she should get her period again on the 26th of Jan. Somebody please count for me...my mind is GONE.
MzSJP,

Take a deep breath. It's ok. You can't do anything about it until it happens, and it may not happen. People are just giving advice, that you can keep in the back of your mind for future reference - which may not be necessary - nobody around here is a psychic, as far as I know.

RELAX. You're doing the right things. Don't get yourself into a state. There's a lot of "if's" going on. Nobody's pregnant yet. And if they are, later, you'll deal with it.

Remember what Mark Twain said: "I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened."
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Old 01-13-2011, 12:49 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,362,165 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MzSJP View Post
..... AND an 18 year-old boy is threatening to fight him...
This just took the whole sorry mess to another level. We are no longer talking "puppy love" and your son and this girl getting it on.

Is there anyplace you can send you son? An older relative? Were he my son he'd be out of town as soon as I could arrange it.

You have to protect your son. Do you know this 18 year old? Is he violent? Does he have a record?

DO NOT get involved in all this drama. It sounds like the girls family is one big mess and you are just feeding them. They will make things worse and worse and worse because "these kinds" of people FEED on people like you and your son. And I'd make sure the 18 year old knew the cops would be called if he so much as breathed on my son.

Remember you son is what is important. Finster is right. You need to take a deep breath. But do not let this girl and her family see you wringing your hands.

One more thing, thank God I never had to deal with this situation but... If this does get worse, (and I hope it doesn't and I'm going to pray it doesn't) is there any way you can get a third party to deal with the girl's family?

Last edited by DewDropInn; 01-13-2011 at 01:06 PM..
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Old 01-13-2011, 01:19 PM
 
14,777 posts, read 34,544,673 times
Reputation: 14279
Quote:
Originally Posted by MzSJP View Post
Oh gosh...now there's all types of things going through my mind...I really hope this girl doesn't try to go off having sex between now and her period to get pregnant and blame it on my son, thinking that will make them see eachother again.

God forbid, but if she is pregnant...I already know what I want to do. But she's not my child, and I won't be able to make it happen. I wouldn't put it past her mother to let her keep the baby just so her daughter can be happy and turn around and try to milk MY pockets for support. Ughhhhh. Please, please, please, do not let this girl be pregnant (by anyone)!! I don't want to have to go through paternity...termination...nothing...I just want to be done with these people!!

When is the soonest that she can get an accurate test? She said that she should get her period again on the 26th of Jan. Somebody please count for me...my mind is GONE.
Sorry didn't mean to get you worrying over what might be nothing. Like others said, just trying to get all the information out there.

To the person who said support isn't an issue do to the age, that is sort of misinformation. The parents of the non-custodial minor parent can be ordered to pay support if the minor parent is unable to.

When it comes to pregnancy tests, the earliest that you could get a probable result would be about 3 days before the missed period. In general they get more accurate as times go ons. My wife would generally take one three days before (it's best to test first thing in the morning do to the urine having a stronger concentration) and then would test a couple days after the missed period to back it up. Regardless of what the test shows, the only way to know for sure is a blood test at the doctors.

FWIW, I seriously doubt she is pregnant based on how the rumor got started. Again, I just wanted you to have as much info as possible on the off-chance that she is.
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Old 01-13-2011, 01:39 PM
 
220 posts, read 490,607 times
Reputation: 336
From what I was told by the mother and sister, this boy is 18 years old, but acts like a 14 year old (which may explain why he likes to hang around them). My son didn't seem to feel threatened by him at all and even told me that I didn't have to worry about that. I told him, as a parent...I AM.

You guys are right...I have calmed myself down. I'm going to stop thinking the worse case senario and go back to focusing on keeping my son straight.

On a positive note, his birthday is on the 27th, and I had already planned a weekend snowboarding trip for him. Hopefully he still wants to go. I think that will be a much needed and helpful get away for the both of us.

I will contact the mother after that and hopefully this girl has gotten her period and/or a negative pregancy test.

Thanks everyone!
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