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Old 01-17-2011, 09:29 AM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
3,302 posts, read 3,759,048 times
Reputation: 2524

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MzSJP View Post
It is definitely an uphill battle now, and it's my fault because I never should have allowed it in the first place.

There has been a lot going on the past few days. I've looked up the stages of grief (after a break up) and it looks like my son has gone through most, if not all of them in a short period of time. This weekend he went through the "anger" part and we had it out. I had a feeling that it was coming, and it was really bad...but we got through it and I'm really hoping and praying that that was the worst of it.

Now he's back to doing what he's suppose to do. I've had his phone all week and the girl is still texting him. I told her (once again) that it was over and to stop calling and texting him. She said quote: "I am still going to see him you can't keep us a part, you can't break up love".

I just didn't respond - once I get the definate that she is not pregnant. I am thinking about getting a restaining order against her.

I know for a fact that my son has not spoken to her since I told them that it was over. I will be getting his phone number changed and watching him like a hawk...anything to keep this girl away from my son...and vice versa (because he isn't so innocent either) until I know that this is over.
I praise you for your proactive approach. You know what? I venture to guess that deep inside your son does want guidance. Children as much as they complain do want their parents to guide them and tell them what to do and what not to do. They do know you do it our of love. They may not express it, that's how kids behave and that is OK. I am confident years later he will thank you for it even though it may seem now he hates you. My wife and I made unpopular decision with our girls and now they thank us for it, take care.
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Old 01-17-2011, 11:26 AM
 
Location: THE USA
3,254 posts, read 5,262,889 times
Reputation: 1982
Funny, people think their preschoolers need them at home and their high schoolers are self sufficient, but that is when you should be home to most. Middle school, High school, that is when the trouble can start. Keep an eye on him but don't over control or they totally rebel. You do need him to respect you. I still say if this chick wants a baby, she will be getting one eventually. Get her involved in some activity that takes up her time and gives her a goal to accomplish.
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Old 01-17-2011, 11:29 AM
 
Location: MMU->ABE->ATL->ASH
9,007 posts, read 16,157,460 times
Reputation: 9676
BTW: How did the ski trip go?
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Old 01-17-2011, 12:34 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,076,504 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Taboo2 View Post
Funny, people think their preschoolers need them at home and their high schoolers are self sufficient, but that is when you should be home to most. Middle school, High school, that is when the trouble can start.
I quit working when mine was entering fifth grade for that very reason. Best decision I ever made.
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Old 01-17-2011, 03:04 PM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
3,302 posts, read 3,759,048 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I quit working when mine was entering fifth grade for that very reason. Best decision I ever made.
I am glad you made that decision. Our kids are more important than money and personal goals. Something has to give and at times we sacrifice personal dreams and goals for our children, something many people today do not do, take care.
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Old 01-17-2011, 03:15 PM
 
852 posts, read 1,136,977 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Toonces07 View Post
The crux of the issue in this circumstance is the girl WANTS to get pregnant. The OP recognizes that her son is equally responsible for having sex. She is worried that he will probably end up a teen father if he maintains a relationship with this particular girl.
We don't know that the girl wants to get pregnant. That's an assumption, and we are only hearing from one side here, let's keep that in mind. I don't disagree that the OP should be worried about keeping her son away from this girl. I'd do the same thing.
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Old 01-17-2011, 04:16 PM
 
2,159 posts, read 3,738,215 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I quit working when mine was entering fifth grade for that very reason. Best decision I ever made.
Mine is in preschool right now, but when situation that may be coming up at work, I may have to switch gears. I will never be able to find another job like the one I currently have where I do not have to work weekends or past 4pm, especially for the money I make. I have only been back to work for a short while, 4mths, so I am sad that things may need to change. I love being able to make my own money, feel like I am doing something solely for me, and not live pay check to pay check. A part of me is dreading have to go back to being a SAHM, while another half of me wants it so bad.
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Old 01-17-2011, 06:28 PM
 
852 posts, read 1,136,977 times
Reputation: 1042
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taboo2 View Post
Funny, people think their preschoolers need them at home and their high schoolers are self sufficient, but that is when you should be home to most. Middle school, High school, that is when the trouble can start. Keep an eye on him but don't over control or they totally rebel. You do need him to respect you. I still say if this chick wants a baby, she will be getting one eventually. Get her involved in some activity that takes up her time and gives her a goal to accomplish.
So true! When our oldest child was three and we got pregnant with her second, my husband and I realized that we couldn't both continue to work full-time. I was a sneaky teenager, and so was his sister, so we know full well that the teen years are when a parent really needs to be around to keep an eye out. And yes, activities or teams are a great idea! The less idle time, the better! I fully understand that it isn't possible for all families to make the choice that we did, and my heart goes out to them. This parenting gig is hard work!
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Old 01-18-2011, 10:11 AM
 
Location: West Orange, NJ
12,542 posts, read 17,751,269 times
Reputation: 3681
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
I would agree with you 100% if we were talking about a 16 year old. But this is a 14 year old, and as the mother of an almost 14-year-old girl, I cannot fathom allowing her to continue to date a boy she was having sex with or hang out with a sketchy family that couldn't even be bothered to send him to school.

She would not be dating period. As a parent, I have that perogative and I use it.
how exactly do you prevent them from seeing each other? If the OP's child is infatuated with this girl, you can do things to make it difficult for them to see each other, but you can't shut that door completely. As a prior post said, you're only going to cause it to go underground. Obviously, you exert your parental influence and make it known that you are disappointed that your child is doing these things (unprotected sex at 14 years old, believing they know the consequences) - but you simply have no power to end their relationship, even if you think you do.

educating on the consequences is the best thing you can do, while making it clear that you're also unhappy and disapprove of the actions. you can demand that the child stops, but that's as far as your parental perogative can get you.
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Old 01-18-2011, 12:24 PM
 
15,871 posts, read 13,458,639 times
Reputation: 35295
Brady, have you read the whole thread? The OP is doing a good job at ending this relationship using a combination of approaches.

Parents can do a lot more than they think if they put all their tools to work and stay focused. Too many give up when the going gets tough.
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