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Old 01-19-2011, 01:51 PM
 
Location: West Orange, NJ
12,542 posts, read 17,739,387 times
Reputation: 3681

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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Brady, have you read the whole thread? The OP is doing a good job at ending this relationship using a combination of approaches.

Parents can do a lot more than they think if they put all their tools to work and stay focused. Too many give up when the going gets tough.
amazingly, I did. but i was responding to your post, which was a bit earlier in the thread. point is, you can forbid it, you can try, but if your child wants to see the person, unless you have 24x7 monitoring of him or her, you can't prevent it.

i think the OP handled it well, and it helped that the son got scared to reality by his infatuation's fake preggers scare tactic. i know too many of the same scenarios when i was in hs. glad to see the same stuff is still going on. at least, i hope it was fake...that's my bet though.
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Old 01-20-2011, 08:35 AM
 
Location: Orlando, Florida
43,858 posts, read 43,578,099 times
Reputation: 58603
I doubt seriously anyone can stop a 14 year old who wants to have sex, but it is the risk of pregnancy that ends up being the problem. I have a 3 year old grandson who's dad just turned 18. He's actually a couple of years younger than my daughter.....but she didn't know this when she met him as a teen.

Anyway, he does love his son and talks to him on the phone. He visits when he can. He called to say he received his child support papers since he just turned 18 a couple of months ago. He is still friends with my daughter and they talked about it.

He wants to support his son, but he has no idea how much money it has really cost our family to help raise this child. Truth is, he doesn't have the money to do what he would like to do and he feels frustrated and less than. It is a tough burden for a young kid. He has to chose between driving across state to visit his child or actually going out on a date like a normal 18 year old on the weekends. Luckily, we have a good relationship with him because it is the best thing for the child involved.

And in the middle is a little 3 year old boy who doesn't understand his daddy is still a kid himself.

If ONLY they would have a young kid like this go to schools and talk to other young male teens. Somehow TV and movies don't get into the true reality of being in this position. Again, we all get along, but some families at the end of this kind of scenario don't. If we were to give him a hard time over flexible visitation or the financial aspect, it could really be a mess.

Good luck to you. The birth control teaching is really important....
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Old 01-20-2011, 01:21 PM
 
Location: THE USA
3,254 posts, read 5,260,543 times
Reputation: 1982
Quote:
Originally Posted by lucygirl951 View Post
So true! When our oldest child was three and we got pregnant with her second, my husband and I realized that we couldn't both continue to work full-time. I was a sneaky teenager, and so was his sister, so we know full well that the teen years are when a parent really needs to be around to keep an eye out.
When I was 16 I used to see 13 and 14 yr olds doing what I was doing and wonder, where ARE their parents? Why don't they care where their kids are? My parents had not as much control once I got a car, but these were YOUNG kids and had no supervision. Mom was working at the bank and dad worked in the city. Yeah, stay at home if you want to keep the kids out of trouble.

Last edited by Taboo2; 01-20-2011 at 01:29 PM..
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Old 01-20-2011, 06:15 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,142 posts, read 22,123,052 times
Reputation: 35563
Quote:
Yeah, stay at home if you want to keep the kids out of trouble
While I do agree that if possible, being home (at least after school hours) is certainly helpful during the teen years, there is certainly no guarantee that kids of SAH parents will not get into trouble. There is no guarantee. Period. No matter what you do. You do the best you can to instill your values starting when they are young, keep the lines of communication open and pray a lot (if you are so inclined).
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Old 01-20-2011, 06:34 PM
 
852 posts, read 1,136,288 times
Reputation: 1042
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
While I do agree that if possible, being home (at least after school hours) is certainly helpful during the teen years, there is certainly no guarantee that kids of SAH parents will not get into trouble. There is no guarantee. Period. No matter what you do. You do the best you can to instill your values starting when they are young, keep the lines of communication open and pray a lot (if you are so inclined).
So true. The kids will know whose parents aren't home and congregate there. We all just do the best we can.
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Old 01-20-2011, 09:47 PM
 
Location: THE USA
3,254 posts, read 5,260,543 times
Reputation: 1982
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
While I do agree that if possible, being home (at least after school hours) is certainly helpful during the teen years, there is certainly no guarantee that kids of SAH parents will not get into trouble. There is no guarantee. Period. No matter what you do. You do the best you can to instill your values starting when they are young, keep the lines of communication open and pray a lot (if you are so inclined).

If you are at home, you have more time to sit around pondering "Hmm, where is my kid at right now" than a working parent does whose time is NOT theirs but the companies time.

Your children may congregate at the parents who aren't home's house but why would you LET your child do that when you have a perfectly good home at for everyone to hang out at WITH adult supervision? Even if you are foolish enough to allow your kid to hang out at that house, you have the ability to DROP IN unannounced at the absent parents house to see what your kid is up too. Working parents can't pull that off to easily. You have the ability to ground your child and actually FOLLOW THROUGH by knowing where they are, and not just checking in by phone from a distant locale.

I knew all the tricks, and I am telling you, if you stay at home and pay attention to what your kid is up to, and be involved in their free time and monitor them0 but give them freedom but have clear and consistent rules, you are less likely to have a kid who screws up and you are more aware of their circle of friends, which is absolutely important if you want to guide your kid to be a socially acceptable member of society.
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Old 01-20-2011, 09:56 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,142 posts, read 22,123,052 times
Reputation: 35563
I think I'll not take the bait here. Have a good evening.
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Old 01-21-2011, 07:55 AM
 
220 posts, read 490,377 times
Reputation: 336
Well yeah, I do agree that being home during the teen years is just as important (if not more) as being home when they are younger.

I'm not sure if it will work or not, but I'm hoping and praying that it will. I've been going into work early and leaving work early just so that I can pick him up from school (one day this week, he skipped wrestling practice after school to go home and call the girl on the phone).

I have cut off his cell phone and cancelled the snowboarding trip for his birthday...he is also no longer in wrestling. All of this and he still seems to want to talk to and be with this girl. We have talked and talked and talked and he has it in his head that I just don't like this girl and her not going to school and saying that she wants a baby at 14 years old is not a big deal. I told him that he is in denial and he needs to get over it and move on, or the both of us will just be miserable. We have an appointment with a counselor next week.

Has anyone been through counseling as or with a teen? Did it work?
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Old 01-21-2011, 08:06 AM
 
852 posts, read 1,136,288 times
Reputation: 1042
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I think I'll not take the bait here. Have a good evening.
You are a wise woman.
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Old 01-21-2011, 08:51 AM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,724,832 times
Reputation: 12046
Quote:
Originally Posted by MzSJP View Post
......he skipped wrestling practice after school to go home and call the girl on the phone).

I have cut off his cell phone and cancelled the snowboarding trip for his birthday...he is also no longer in wrestling.
Is he no longer in wrestling as a punishment or was he thrown off the team for skipping practice? I would be careful about taking wrestling away from him. Wrestling is a very time consuming sport (I have 2 kids that wrestle) and may serve to enforce separation between them.

Does your son respect the wrestling coach?

Any chance the coach would talk to your son about his future?
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