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Old 01-21-2011, 09:05 PM
 
6,455 posts, read 9,524,519 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
I don't think taking him out of wrestling is a great idea.
She gave him a chance to stay in wrestling, and he blew it. It was his own choice. Now he needs to pay the consequence.
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Old 01-21-2011, 09:13 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,143 posts, read 22,130,514 times
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I think Momma_bear's point was...the priority right now has got to be keeping him "otherwise occupied" and finding better choices for his time and energies than hanging out and having sex. Especially at 14. Especially with a girl who is interested in becoming pregnant. A structured environment that keeps him busy, focused and tired is a far better thing than unoccupied time spent pining for this girl.

Now, if he's willing and able to skip practices to be with this girl, not sure that's being accomplished but I do believe finding something that keeps him busy and accounted for is a good idea.
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Old 01-22-2011, 09:00 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I think Momma_bear's point was...the priority right now has got to be keeping him "otherwise occupied" and finding better choices for his time and energies than hanging out and having sex. Especially at 14. Especially with a girl who is interested in becoming pregnant. A structured environment that keeps him busy, focused and tired is a far better thing than unoccupied time spent pining for this girl.

Now, if he's willing and able to skip practices to be with this girl, not sure that's being accomplished but I do believe finding something that keeps him busy and accounted for is a good idea.
I got the point. No one's arguing that. And wrestling just isn't doing it. He needs to find something else he'll want to stick with.
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Old 01-22-2011, 09:18 AM
 
Location: Denver area
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
I got the point. No one's arguing that. And wrestling just isn't doing it. He needs to find something else he'll want to stick with.
Oh...I interpreted your comment about "needs to pay the consequence" to mean he couldn't be trusted to be involved in any extracurriculars. Which, while perhaps correct, isn't the most important thing right now IMO. I do agree that whatever he is involved with needs to be something he feels compelled to actually do....
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Old 01-22-2011, 06:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
She gave him a chance to stay in wrestling, and he blew it. It was his own choice. Now he needs to pay the consequence.
You have to keep the parent's goal in mind. The objective is not to punish the child. The objective is to keep him away from the girl. By taking away wrestling you just gave the kid another 20 hours a week back. With a mother that has trouble supervising him, taking him out of wrestling gives her ANOTHER 20 hours a week that she now has to supervise. Another 20 hours a week for him to sneak off with the girl.

Sometimes parents get so hung up on punishment that they forget what the end goal is.
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Old 01-22-2011, 07:13 PM
 
6,455 posts, read 9,524,519 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
You have to keep the parent's goal in mind. The objective is not to punish the child. The objective is to keep him away from the girl. By taking away wrestling you just gave the kid another 20 hours a week back. With a mother that has trouble supervising him, taking him out of wrestling gives her ANOTHER 20 hours a week that she now has to supervise. Another 20 hours a week for him to sneak off with the girl.

Sometimes parents get so hung up on punishment that they forget what the end goal is.


You're missing the fact the kid skipped practice. It wasn't taken away, he threw it away, well aware that he was risking that. Where's the punishment? An what's wrong with punishment? Oh, let me guess... mom's not supposed to make him feel baaaaaaaad.

BS...I say... he made his own bed, now he can lay in it.
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Old 01-22-2011, 07:15 PM
 
Location: Denver area
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post


You're missing the fact the kid skipped practice. It wasn't taken away, he threw it away, well aware that he was risking that. Where's the punishment? An what's wrong with punishment? Oh, let me guess... mom's not supposed to make him feel baaaaaaaad.

BS...I say... he made his own bed, now he can lay in it.
But sometimes the idea of punishment is cutting off one's nose to spite the face. While punishment is sometimes the most appropriate thing, in this case, there is more at risk. The focus should be on keeping this kid busy, involved and keeping his eye on the fact that "the prize" is NOT this girl.
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Old 01-23-2011, 05:24 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post


You're missing the fact the kid skipped practice. It wasn't taken away, he threw it away, well aware that he was risking that. Where's the punishment? An what's wrong with punishment? Oh, let me guess... mom's not supposed to make him feel baaaaaaaad.

BS...I say... he made his own bed, now he can lay in it.
Punishing kids is fine IF IT GETS YOU THE RESULT YOU WANT. Punishing them just to punish is pointless. Most of the time you don't get thrown off a team because you miss a practice.

The objective is to keep the kid away from the girl. Punishing him by taking away wrestling does NOT help you meet your objective. You need to find another way to punish him if you are hell bent on punishment (which is sometimes useful, sometimes not). The purpose of any sort of discipline is to get the result the parent wants, NOT just to punish the kid. In this case the end result is something the parent doesn't want (more free time when he is unsupervised).

Wrestling is a very time consuming sport. If you ever want your child in something that leaves him very little time to get in trouble put him in wrestling.
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Old 01-24-2011, 06:30 AM
 
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I shouldn't have initially used the word "punishment". Taking wrestling away was a consequence for him skipping practice. But after a couple of days, it did seem like it turned into punishment for the both of us.

After a couple of days of leaving work early to get him from school and making him stay in his room and do chores for the rest of the day, it had taken it's toll on both he and I...I really need to be at work and he was miserable sitting in his room.

After reading some feedback here and thinking on it, I gave him one more chance to go back to wrestling today since that will keep him in school for longer so that I wouldn't have to leave work so early AND it's a lot more productive than making him sit in his room.

Still, wrestling will not be very productive if he is not into it like he use to be and therefore uses it as a cover-up to sneak and talk to this girl (which is what happened the 1st time). We go to counseling tomorrow, so I'm hoping that the counselor can help me get his mind off of this girl and back on the right track.

Also, I've challenged him to set some short-term goals for himself...things that he'd like to accomplish within the next year. I told him if he has no goals, then it's easy to get into situations that can mess up his future...and not even know it until it's too late. I'm thinking of adding some rewards to him accomplishing those goals ie. shopping trip, money, etc., for making the honor roll next marking period and things of that nature. We'll see...

*Hanging in there* <3
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Old 01-24-2011, 07:33 AM
 
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good plan!
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