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Old 01-24-2011, 10:20 AM
 
14,777 posts, read 34,537,960 times
Reputation: 14279

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MzSJP View Post
I shouldn't have initially used the word "punishment". Taking wrestling away was a consequence for him skipping practice. But after a couple of days, it did seem like it turned into punishment for the both of us.

After a couple of days of leaving work early to get him from school and making him stay in his room and do chores for the rest of the day, it had taken it's toll on both he and I...I really need to be at work and he was miserable sitting in his room.

After reading some feedback here and thinking on it, I gave him one more chance to go back to wrestling today since that will keep him in school for longer so that I wouldn't have to leave work so early AND it's a lot more productive than making him sit in his room.

Still, wrestling will not be very productive if he is not into it like he use to be and therefore uses it as a cover-up to sneak and talk to this girl (which is what happened the 1st time). We go to counseling tomorrow, so I'm hoping that the counselor can help me get his mind off of this girl and back on the right track.

Also, I've challenged him to set some short-term goals for himself...things that he'd like to accomplish within the next year. I told him if he has no goals, then it's easy to get into situations that can mess up his future...and not even know it until it's too late. I'm thinking of adding some rewards to him accomplishing those goals ie. shopping trip, money, etc., for making the honor roll next marking period and things of that nature. We'll see...

*Hanging in there* <3
I like your approach. It reinforces the positive while marginalizing the negative and still accomplishes your goal.

The only thing I would have to add is that maybe you should take a few minutes to have a conversation with his wrestling coach. Just an informal FYI so he knows what's going on. Not that you are necessarily seeking his advice or intervention, just letting him know what has been going on and what you are doing. Even if your son isn't the "best" wrestler on the team, most coaches are willing to put in a little extra effort to help an otherwise good kid out. Even if the coach just makes sure he gets to practice and calls you right away if he's not there can be a big help. If the coach seems apprehensive, I'm sure your son's guidance counselor could make him see it differently.
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Old 01-24-2011, 10:33 AM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,735,299 times
Reputation: 12051
Quote:
Originally Posted by NJGOAT View Post
I like your approach. It reinforces the positive while marginalizing the negative and still accomplishes your goal.

The only thing I would have to add is that maybe you should take a few minutes to have a conversation with his wrestling coach. Just an informal FYI so he knows what's going on. Not that you are necessarily seeking his advice or intervention, just letting him know what has been going on and what you are doing. Even if your son isn't the "best" wrestler on the team, most coaches are willing to put in a little extra effort to help an otherwise good kid out. Even if the coach just makes sure he gets to practice and calls you right away if he's not there can be a big help. If the coach seems apprehensive, I'm sure your son's guidance counselor could make him see it differently.
I agree about talking to the coach. Most coaches are willing to help kids stay on the straight and narrow, especially if it's a basically good kid having a temporarily rough time.
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Old 01-24-2011, 10:52 AM
 
Location: Londonderry, NH
41,505 posts, read 49,595,785 times
Reputation: 24548
OP - Get real. I cannot imagine any boy preferring to wrestle with other boys when they have the opportunity to "wrestle" with a girl. Once humans start having sex they rarely give it up until age enforces inability. Why do you think Viagra sells so well?"

The only thing I can suggest is getting her on the pill and convincing him to use prophylactics. Then get ready to be a grandmother sooner than you expected.
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Old 01-24-2011, 11:59 AM
 
Location: THE USA
3,254 posts, read 5,262,202 times
Reputation: 1982
What about making him do some volunteer work to fill up his schedule? Or interning at a career he is interested in if he can't find a P/T job? Let's be honest, the real punishment and consequences he will be dealt is if he knocks this girl up. Anything less than that can be considered a success. I would become the condom police as well. Not much choice because he had a taste and wants more like they all do. No going back, but he doesn't have to fall into her baby trap.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MzSJP View Post
I shouldn't have initially used the word "punishment". Taking wrestling away was a consequence for him skipping practice. But after a couple of days, it did seem like it turned into punishment for the both of us.

After a couple of days of leaving work early to get him from school and making him stay in his room and do chores for the rest of the day, it had taken it's toll on both he and I...I really need to be at work and he was miserable sitting in his room.

After reading some feedback here and thinking on it, I gave him one more chance to go back to wrestling today since that will keep him in school for longer so that I wouldn't have to leave work so early AND it's a lot more productive than making him sit in his room.

Still, wrestling will not be very productive if he is not into it like he use to be and therefore uses it as a cover-up to sneak and talk to this girl (which is what happened the 1st time). We go to counseling tomorrow, so I'm hoping that the counselor can help me get his mind off of this girl and back on the right track.

Also, I've challenged him to set some short-term goals for himself...things that he'd like to accomplish within the next year. I told him if he has no goals, then it's easy to get into situations that can mess up his future...and not even know it until it's too late. I'm thinking of adding some rewards to him accomplishing those goals ie. shopping trip, money, etc., for making the honor roll next marking period and things of that nature. We'll see...

*Hanging in there* <3
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Old 01-24-2011, 12:20 PM
 
220 posts, read 490,541 times
Reputation: 336
Thanks for the feedback. Talking to the coach is a great idea. I think I will give him a call tomorrow. My son just called and said that he talked to the coach and it's OK for him to continue on the team, even though he missed a couples of practices...they have a couple of matches today and he seems excited which is great.

I've contacted a Youth Volunteer Org. in our area and they informed me that this time of year is pretty quiet because of school, but they have our information and will call when the program picks up in the spring. There's also some church activities that I'm going to look into to fill his spare time. My goal is definitely to keep him busy.

Thanks again!
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Old 01-24-2011, 04:19 PM
 
2,159 posts, read 3,737,687 times
Reputation: 2136
Animal shelters always need kennels cleaned. Maybe being around a bunch of kittens and puppies (although adorably cute) will show him how much work it is to take care of something so small
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Old 01-26-2011, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Heart of Oklahoma
1,173 posts, read 1,293,932 times
Reputation: 466
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
Wondering how this girl can be only 14 and not be going to school.

Not that it matters, from the sound of it. Doesn't sound like a family to whom education holds any priority. Sad.

Is there someone you could take your son to see so he'd have a first-hand look at what being young parent REALLY means?
That's what I want to know... How is the mother not in jail?? She's 14; she can't even legally drop out yet for another 2 years!
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Old 01-31-2011, 10:19 AM
 
220 posts, read 490,541 times
Reputation: 336
Just a quick update:

I got a call on the night of my son's birthday (the 27th) saying that the girl is NOT pregnant!! THANK GOD!! I told my son the next morning and he seemed Sooo relieved. I put a box of condoms in his room and told him that he should not be worrying about having sex any time soon, but IF he does, he definitely needs to use condoms. I told him that sex only lasts for a little while, but the consequences...like getting an STD, getting a girl pregnant...or WORRING about either one, can last for a lot longer. He shook his head, and I could tell that he definitely learned a lesson from all of this.

So, with that, we are moving on! I've been keeping him occupied with wrestling, school, reading, movies, and games.

He's set a goal to make the honor roll for this marking period and I will take him shopping...He's been doing chores without me even asking Also, I found a very positive/inspirational book about 3 young men who fulfilled their childhood dream of becoming doctors. I told him that he can get his phone back after he reads it (he's been reading it, and likes it!). We've been going to church and the messages have seemed to be speaking on our situation every time. So, even though this whole ordeal was incredibly hard...I believe that we have both grown stronger and closer from it. I'm just praying that we continue to make progress.

Thanks for letting me "talk it out" here...the advice and oppurtunity to vent was an extrem help for me!! xx
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Old 01-31-2011, 11:06 AM
 
90 posts, read 197,436 times
Reputation: 124
I am really happy for you and your son. I hope it continues in a positive direction.

It sounds like you proved to him that you will step up and help him get out of difficult situations.

He is probably doing chores to earn back your respect.

Thanks for sharing your experience.
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Old 01-31-2011, 12:39 PM
 
14,777 posts, read 34,537,960 times
Reputation: 14279
Quote:
Originally Posted by MzSJP View Post
Just a quick update:

I got a call on the night of my son's birthday (the 27th) saying that the girl is NOT pregnant!! THANK GOD!! I told my son the next morning and he seemed Sooo relieved. I put a box of condoms in his room and told him that he should not be worrying about having sex any time soon, but IF he does, he definitely needs to use condoms. I told him that sex only lasts for a little while, but the consequences...like getting an STD, getting a girl pregnant...or WORRING about either one, can last for a lot longer. He shook his head, and I could tell that he definitely learned a lesson from all of this.

So, with that, we are moving on! I've been keeping him occupied with wrestling, school, reading, movies, and games.

He's set a goal to make the honor roll for this marking period and I will take him shopping...He's been doing chores without me even asking Also, I found a very positive/inspirational book about 3 young men who fulfilled their childhood dream of becoming doctors. I told him that he can get his phone back after he reads it (he's been reading it, and likes it!). We've been going to church and the messages have seemed to be speaking on our situation every time. So, even though this whole ordeal was incredibly hard...I believe that we have both grown stronger and closer from it. I'm just praying that we continue to make progress.

Thanks for letting me "talk it out" here...the advice and oppurtunity to vent was an extrem help for me!! xx
So glad everything seems to be turning out OK. If you look for the silver lining here, it may be that your relationship with your son has matured and he seems to have found a new level of respect for you. I think you get an A+ for how you handled it and gained more of his trust as well.
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