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Old 01-13-2011, 07:07 PM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,487 posts, read 6,128,566 times
Reputation: 2883

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
People should seek excellence in everything they do. Excellence is not the same as perfection.
And that excellence is the "pretend perfection on paper" that Asian people strive for. I think people are taking it too literally preventing them from understanding the Asian mentality. Kids feel ashamed when they do not reach their standard of excellence. I'm just saying, maybe they should feel like that and there is nothing wrong with it. They can handle it. After the first few A-/B+ they will get their reactions in check.
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Old 01-13-2011, 07:09 PM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,487 posts, read 6,128,566 times
Reputation: 2883
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Duh is extremely disrespectful.
Nobody is stopping you from using the complaint button if you find it offensive. It's about as disrespectful as using the eye rolling icon.

Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
All that..and humble too..
I used it as an example and said that anyone can do it. It just takes hard work. I am not smarter than the next person. In my home country I was an average student DESPITE HARD WORK.

I don't mind agreeing to disagree. I don't have much invested in this issue, just interested in seeing other opinions.
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Old 01-13-2011, 07:13 PM
 
2,726 posts, read 4,365,836 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miyu View Post
And that excellence is the "pretend perfection on paper" that Asian people strive for. I think people are taking it too literally preventing them from understanding the Asian mentality. Kids feel ashamed when they do not reach their standard of excellence. I'm just saying, maybe they should feel like that and there is nothing wrong with it. They can handle it. After the first few A-/B+ they will get their reactions in check.
There is nothing wrong with kids feeling ashamed for not reaching their standard of excellence but I do not think that equals kid feeling ashamed for not being perfect.
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Old 01-13-2011, 07:14 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,142 posts, read 22,118,386 times
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Quote:
In my home country I was an average student DESPITE HARD WORK.
But...but...how is that possible? If one works hard enough, one isn't average...correct?
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Old 01-13-2011, 07:17 PM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,720,716 times
Reputation: 12046
Quote:
Originally Posted by miyu View Post
Nobody is stopping you from using the complaint button if you find it offensive. It's about as disrespectful as using the eye rolling icon.
I am not complaining, I am merely pointing out to you that Duh is very disrespectful.
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Old 01-13-2011, 07:18 PM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,720,716 times
Reputation: 12046
Quote:
Originally Posted by miyu View Post
I used it as an example and said that anyone can do it. It just takes hard work. I am not smarter than the next person. In my home country I was an average student DESPITE HARD WORK.
Well a 4.5 isn't really all that great.
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Old 01-13-2011, 07:22 PM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,487 posts, read 6,128,566 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crisan View Post
There is nothing wrong with kids feeling ashamed for not reaching their standard of excellence but I do not think that equals kid feeling ashamed for not being perfect.
Maybe I can explain this way. When kids are young, they have easy math problems and spelling tests. Easy to ace. And probably very prudent to learn how to master at high levels, because all other learning builds on this foundation. This is why Asian parents expect a lot at this stage. And that is why young children are prone to crying for disappointing their parents.

When they get older, things are graded much harder and become somewhat subjective (i.e. essays). Not so easy to be perfect. Calculus, creative writing, physics. Some leeway is needed here. Most parents and students realize this. No need to strive for perfection - you might not need physics for your future job.

But you will definitely need to know spelling and simple maths perfectly.
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Old 01-13-2011, 07:27 PM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,487 posts, read 6,128,566 times
Reputation: 2883
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Well a 4.5 isn't really all that great.
To be honest, I never tried to get a 4.5, it just happened because none of the other kids were trying very hard so it happened by default. I did feel like my education was lacking and it definitely showed when I got to college. I hope Baby Bear can do much better!

Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
But...but...how is that possible? If one works hard enough, one isn't average...correct?
In Asia things are different (as I've explained before on this thread). Average probably means you got a 95% - you'd write a Chinese character with a slightly different curvature or overhanging edges and BAM... you're down in the rankings! You simply cannot compare the two systems. Asian kids who come here get spoiled and never want to go back where they will have to work twice as hard and still be average.

Now I'm getting tired of backhanded comments from people who do not desire to discuss anything serious so I'll go do some studying.
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Old 01-13-2011, 07:39 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,142 posts, read 22,118,386 times
Reputation: 35541
Quote:
In Asia things are different (as I've explained before on this thread). Average probably means you got a 95%
But it's also been said (can't remember if it was by you or in the article...) that "average" was unacceptable, and that everyone has the ability for "perfection"...so it wouldn't matter against whom one was competing, it would just matter that, despite "hard work" you were still "average"....which could only mean you obviously weren't working hard enough or you wouldn't have been average (according to that philosophy).

My point isn't to be backhanded....but to address the attitude that only specific subjects, careers or grades were acceptable...anything different is not valued. I understand that everyone's values are different but I do bristle a bit at the attitude that just because your (generic "your" not specifically directed toward you, OP) values are diffent than mine, that yours are "superior" or reflect poorly on my parenting. I do believe that each of us has innate gifts and talents and that some people are more adept at one type of thing than another. I don't see anything wrong with gravitating and nurturing the gifts that we naturally excel in. Those differences are what make the world, and life interesting. If we were all accountants, scientists and doctors, the world would be pretty bland.

Last edited by maciesmom; 01-13-2011 at 08:01 PM..
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Old 01-13-2011, 07:43 PM
 
Location: Texas
42,237 posts, read 49,783,147 times
Reputation: 67022
The one thing I completely agree with is the self-esteem that you get by actually accomplishing something rather than this fakey-fakey 'you're so great' garbage that's being disseminated now in American culture. It's ridiculous.

And btw, you can be serious like asian parents want you to be and still 'have a life,' etc. I played sports (to the college level), hung out with friends, went on many vacations, played an instrument...and had a completely wonderful and ideal childhood. And I am successful now.
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