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Old 01-24-2011, 08:08 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX!!!!
3,764 posts, read 7,697,814 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by strawflower View Post
Truthfully, I don't think being Asian had anything to do with his shooting spree- he was a messed up person and I'm almost positive that having a strict parents did not have a whole lot to do with that.
I don't think so either.

 
Old 01-25-2011, 02:43 PM
 
803 posts, read 949,740 times
Reputation: 214
Quote:
Originally Posted by PYT View Post
I'm an Asian-American who went to a high school with 50% Asians. I do not know a single Asian person who was "beat" by their parents. Strict and mean, yes, but not physical abuse.

From my experience, I feel that Asian kids tend to exaggerate how strict their parents are (even I was guilty of this). Somehow if your parents were stricter or say "more Asian", it was a point of pride because you were perceived as tougher and garnered sympathy. Obviously, this was childish middle-school/early high school stuff but nevertheless this may contribute to the image of nasty Asian parents.

Yes, there are incredibly strict parents (which are the only ones we hear about), however, most parents I know are quite reasonable. Besides, not being able to go out and party, spending 75% of your day watching TV or getting straight B's in school seems quite reasonable to me (considering how damn easy high school is now a days).

Even my friends I know who had particularly strict parents are perfectly fine. They all went on to find successful high-paying careers (doctors, lawyers, accountants) and are quite happy. Some rebelled against their parents during college, but they are all still close with their parents and value family.

With all the "spoiled" and "lazy" kids now a days, I find it strange that we perceive Asian parents as being too strict. You may not understand Asian culture and view Asian parents as cold and abusive. However, the majority of Asian kids are appreciative for the discipline. I was taught to always appreciate my education and to work hard, to be thrifty and save money and to plan ahead for the future. At the same time, my exposure to American culture has also taught me to how to let loose, have fun and learn to live a little bit. I feel like it's the perfect balance.

The horror stories you hear about Asian parents are mostly over-exaggerated and aren't too common. Yes, Asian parents are stricter in general compared to other cultures, but hey I wouldn't worry too much jgamibi, we "oppressed" and "abused" asian kids turn out just fine.
Yea, I mean now I can even talk back to my parents but they shut me down if I go too far. Eitherways, I love em!
 
Old 01-27-2011, 06:33 AM
 
803 posts, read 949,740 times
Reputation: 214
Default I laugh to myself after reading about Amy Chua

The lady who lives in a nice mansion in Connecticut and is a professor at Yale.

Well I would think she is a rare case but bottom line is that she is not. It shocks me, really does, to see that people ignore this fact. Asian American families make more money on average than White, Black, or Hispanic families. I used to think this was a joke before I visited NYC and saw that a vast majority of all private school students were either White or Asian (lots of Indians too but Indians are included).

Asian parents can afford to send their kids to the finest private schools or public schools in the finest districts, Asian parents can afford pianos and violins, and Asian parents can afford to get their kids involved in the top extra curricular activities that many high schools in poor districts do not have.

I would be considered an Asian American (I am an Indian but if not me then the three Chinese kids at my school count). My school was located in a are where the poverty rate was around 20 percent, the rich county was about 5 miles off. The high school I attended did not have sports teams, did not have a debate team, did not have much, and the buildings were pretty much torn down in terms of structure. Fortunately it was a magnet school but that just meant we did not have to deal with gangbangers and other distractions of that sort.

The school was difficult in terms of academics and I graduated 4th in my class with a 3.5 GPA. Most kids at my school could not dream of going to an Ivy, most who did go to college were satisfied with whichever place was the cheapest because most had parents who did not attend college.

My parents didn't know much about the US and often had to move around (lived here once, then moved out, then came back again) and in terms of education we were clueless. I also had some really bad counseling and no where to really turn to for college advice.

Honestly? I wish I was in the shoes of Amy Chua, as in I wish I had at least an opportunity to go to high school in a decent district.

Well, now I am a second year college student (in the same town I went to HS in) with a 3.8 GPA. I plan on transferring to a top ranked university and then going to med school. My goal of going to a top university would have been made a lot easier had I had the same childhood a lot of my Asian brothers and sisters out there have. Regardless I will work towards making a great future for my kids so they don't have to go through what I had to go through.
 
Old 01-27-2011, 06:50 AM
 
350 posts, read 567,081 times
Reputation: 396
Quote:
Originally Posted by PYT View Post
I'm an Asian-American who went to a high school with 50% Asians. I do not know a single Asian person who was "beat" by their parents. Strict and mean, yes, but not physical abuse.

From my experience, I feel that Asian kids tend to exaggerate how strict their parents are (even I was guilty of this). Somehow if your parents were stricter or say "more Asian", it was a point of pride because you were perceived as tougher and garnered sympathy. Obviously, this was childish middle-school/early high school stuff but nevertheless this may contribute to the image of nasty Asian parents.

Yes, there are incredibly strict parents (which are the only ones we hear about), however, most parents I know are quite reasonable. Besides, not being able to go out and party, spending 75% of your day watching TV or getting straight B's in school seems quite reasonable to me (considering how damn easy high school is now a days).

Even my friends I know who had particularly strict parents are perfectly fine. They all went on to find successful high-paying careers (doctors, lawyers, accountants) and are quite happy. Some rebelled against their parents during college, but they are all still close with their parents and value family.

With all the "spoiled" and "lazy" kids now a days, I find it strange that we perceive Asian parents as being too strict. You may not understand Asian culture and view Asian parents as cold and abusive. However, the majority of Asian kids are appreciative for the discipline. I was taught to always appreciate my education and to work hard, to be thrifty and save money and to plan ahead for the future. At the same time, my exposure to American culture has also taught me to how to let loose, have fun and learn to live a little bit. I feel like it's the perfect balance.

The horror stories you hear about Asian parents are mostly over-exaggerated and aren't too common. Yes, Asian parents are stricter in general compared to other cultures, but hey I wouldn't worry too much jgamibi, we "oppressed" and "abused" asian kids turn out just fine.
Could not agree more.
I am neither Asian nor American but I marvel sometimes at how I have seen white Americans many many times talking to their kids like mini adults. Often times it seems like the tail is wagging the dog.

I really don't think white Americans are in any position to "knock" any other culture's parenting style. Asians can just as easily see the white American parenting style as loosely structured with too much autonomy for children.
 
Old 01-27-2011, 03:39 PM
 
Location: NC
1,696 posts, read 3,843,986 times
Reputation: 1852
my hubby is japanese and i am white as wonder bread and we are both pretty strict in a lot of ways. not like the lady who wrote the article or memoir or anything, but we are strict. we are not equals, not friends, we are the parents, and they are the children. its the same way i was raised (and obviously, hubby)

we dont expect perfect, but we do expect you to do your best, and show improvement over time.

rudeness and disrespect are NOT tolerated.

that being said, my kids seem pretty happy- my 12 year old walks to school with her friends, has sleepovers, tries to get away with wearing make up (lol) and enjoys being in band, her laptop and her cell phone. mt 4 year old is macguyver in miniature form and spends his whole day laughing and smiling- and half the time i have no clue WHY .... LOL

i just asked my daughter if we were too strict and (after some hesitation to see if it was a trick question, as she is currently grounded LOL) she said yes, that she thought she had too many chores.

for the record, her chores are taking the trash out, cleaning HER bathroom and bedroom, and feeding the dog and cats. although, being grounded she has additional ones at the moment, which might have prompted that response. LOL
 
Old 01-27-2011, 04:35 PM
 
11,671 posts, read 21,231,508 times
Reputation: 10057
Quote:
Originally Posted by jgamibi View Post
Like I hear stories about how some Asian kids get beat with a ruler or are forced to stand on one leg for hours if they make a B in school here in the US. Like when they finish high school and stuff, do they end up being the kids who make six figures? (since good grades in high school get you into a good university which correlates to a well paying job)

Personal experience, I have known 2 kids with parents like that.

One was an Indian kid, 4.0 HS GPA and 2350 GPA. He went off to Harvard and now his sister tells me he is depressed because he could handle the independence that college gave him. The kid has a low GPA (way too low for med school) and that is about all I heard.

One was a Korean kid, he got a full ride to state university but ended up blowing it because he partied too much in college.

I know most should end up being successful but anyways, what have your experiences been with this?

The two families I knew like that (dads would literally lock kids in a closest-sized room for 4 hours every night to study), had 4 kids between the two families:

Son in Fam A- valedictorian of our HS, Princeton undergrad, stints in govt engineering & consumer products engineering- owned his own vey successful engineering consulting firm by age 30. Married, happy, well-adjusted adult.

Daughter in Fam A- Top 10 in HS class, Princeton undergrad, some design school for grad, works as an award winning interior designer. Married, happy, well-adjusted.

Son 1 in Fam B- not sure where he finished in HS class b/c it was private school, Emory undergrad, UT-Austin MBA, works for Goldman Sachs. Normal, happy (except when working 80 hours a week) adult.

Not sure where his brother is, but haven't heard any crazy suicide dumped so I'd guess he had a similar level of success and "normality".

1 married an Asian woman. 1 married an American guy. 1 is single. All are happy they were push so hard by parents, but then again, they are naturally taleted and successful people.
 
Old 01-27-2011, 04:43 PM
 
803 posts, read 949,740 times
Reputation: 214
wow.............

these success stories make me wonder what I have done with my life so far..........
 
Old 01-27-2011, 07:05 PM
 
Location: New York City
2,814 posts, read 5,855,216 times
Reputation: 3142
Quote:
Originally Posted by jgamibi View Post
The lady who lives in a nice mansion in Connecticut and is a professor at Yale.

Well I would think she is a rare case but bottom line is that she is not. It shocks me, really does, to see that people ignore this fact. Asian American families make more money on average than White, Black, or Hispanic families. I used to think this was a joke before I visited NYC and saw that a vast majority of all private school students were either White or Asian (lots of Indians too but Indians are included).

Asian parents can afford to send their kids to the finest private schools or public schools in the finest districts, Asian parents can afford pianos and violins, and Asian parents can afford to get their kids involved in the top extra curricular activities that many high schools in poor districts do not have.

I would be considered an Asian American (I am an Indian but if not me then the three Chinese kids at my school count). My school was located in a are where the poverty rate was around 20 percent, the rich county was about 5 miles off. The high school I attended did not have sports teams, did not have a debate team, did not have much, and the buildings were pretty much torn down in terms of structure. Fortunately it was a magnet school but that just meant we did not have to deal with gangbangers and other distractions of that sort.

The school was difficult in terms of academics and I graduated 4th in my class with a 3.5 GPA. Most kids at my school could not dream of going to an Ivy, most who did go to college were satisfied with whichever place was the cheapest because most had parents who did not attend college.

My parents didn't know much about the US and often had to move around (lived here once, then moved out, then came back again) and in terms of education we were clueless. I also had some really bad counseling and no where to really turn to for college advice.

Honestly? I wish I was in the shoes of Amy Chua, as in I wish I had at least an opportunity to go to high school in a decent district.

Well, now I am a second year college student (in the same town I went to HS in) with a 3.8 GPA. I plan on transferring to a top ranked university and then going to med school. My goal of going to a top university would have been made a lot easier had I had the same childhood a lot of my Asian brothers and sisters out there have. Regardless I will work towards making a great future for my kids so they don't have to go through what I had to go through.
Living in NYC, I can tell you that most of the Asians in the private schools are the adopted daughters of white parents. Most of the Asians attend a variety of public schools. Most qualify for free lunch. Yes, there are wealthy Asians, but the majority are not.
 
Old 01-27-2011, 07:18 PM
 
803 posts, read 949,740 times
Reputation: 214
I go by statistics and what I have seen in real life

Asian families on AVERAGE earned 64k, compare that to everyone else

Median Income of Households by Selected Characteristics, 2006 — Infoplease.com
 
Old 01-27-2011, 08:02 PM
 
11,671 posts, read 21,231,508 times
Reputation: 10057
Quote:
Originally Posted by jgamibi View Post
I go by statistics and what I have seen in real life

Asian families on AVERAGE earned 64k, compare that to everyone else

Median Income of Households by Selected Characteristics, 2006 — Infoplease.com
If you had lived in LA or NYC or DC, you would know that there are a lot of Asians living at or under the poverty level in this country.

If your main experience has been in suburbia, you could definitely be under the false impression that Asians are rich, like by default or something.
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