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Old 01-19-2011, 07:15 AM
 
1,933 posts, read 3,139,360 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc View Post
We are big on "bedtime" at our house....our kids, 8 and 4, are in bed with lights off by 8:30, sometimes by 8:00 on school nights. John Rosemond writes that bedtimes are for parents as much as anything, and I agree...it is nice to have "grown-up" time in the evenings.

Also, our children wake up for school easily, are less cranky, and look and act refreshed when they get a solid 11 or 12 hours of sleep a night.

On Friday nights, or on extreme occasions (trips to Disney, for example) we let them stay up a little later...9:30 is the latest I can recall.


But over the course of the last six months, I have witnessed numerous times (*not special events*) when children at the age of 3 are up until 11:00 or even later. These same childen wake up around 6:30 so that is not a lot of sleep.

The parents just do not put the children to bed. The mother goes to bed herself around 9:30 or 10:00 and just lets the kids stay up. The mother will take afternoon naps so that she can stay up that late with the kids, so she tells me.

After the mom goes to bed, the dad just lets them wrestle around or fall asleep watching TV. Once we were with them and it was 10:45 and the 3 year old was crying and lying on the floor trying to go to sleep. My DH ended up putting him to bed.

And the kids do not seem to handle it well...they are cranky and fussy during the day (especially the 3 year old....the 5 year old is a little better)...they fall asleep in the car on the way home from school, etc.

It just makes me SO sad. Why can't they put the kids to bed at a regular hour? And why do they let them drink diet soda? But that's another thread....
While I agree with the fact that children need a set bedtime schedule, I feel you are coming off a bit judgemental to this family.

I kind of agree with Glass of Merlot and Scientist Mom.

My question to you is, Why are you at their house during such late hours?

Maybe its the extra excitement of having guests over and the mom tired from all the entertaining that she slinks off to bed to leave you to witness this? Look at the bigger picture.

It makes me sad when people dog other people for on their way of parenting.
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:21 AM
 
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I am not at their house. We are all at someone else's house. Believe me, the mom has not exhausted herself from entertaining us.

No, it is no skin off my nose. I would not say anything to the parents.

I happen to feel badly for the 3 year old, exhausted and not knowing what to do with himself late at night, and NO PARENT around to help him go to bed.

Why is that judgmental?

And no, it is not about the SPECIFIC hour. It is about the fact the child obviously is not getting enough sleep, has melt downs all day long, cries at the drop of the hat, dozes off for 5 minutes during the day whatever chance he gets.

This to me does not sound like an optimally healthy situation. And why do I care? Well, geez, I guess because it makes me sad to see it.
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:24 AM
 
1,135 posts, read 1,985,637 times
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[quote=calgirlinnc;17470234]We are big on "bedtime" at our house....our kids, 8 and 4, are in bed with lights off by 8:30, sometimes by 8:00 on school nights. John Rosemond writes that bedtimes are for parents as much as anything, and I agree...it is nice to have "grown-up" time in the evenings.

Also, our children wake up for school easily, are less cranky, and look and act refreshed when they get a solid 11 or 12 hours of sleep a night.]


I agree completely. One of things I would do differently as a parent (if I could get into a time machine) would be to establish and stick to strict bed times. My neighbor has his kids (8 and 11) in bed by 8. It was 7 until last year.

I try to get my kids (9 and 11) in bed by 9, but I can hear them walking around upstairs at 9:30 and when I go up to tell them to settle down there's always excuses and drama.

They both get up in the morning and get great grades, but I would feel better knowing they got more sleep and I really would like to have more of the "adult" time you mentioned.

My youngest will be one year old soon and I put her to bed by 7:30. I'd put her to bed even earlier, but I work and want to have some time to spend playing with her, giving her a bath, reading stories, etc.

I definitely would advise any new mom to establish and stick to a strict bed time before bad habits start.
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:28 AM
 
1,933 posts, read 3,139,360 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc View Post
I am not at their house. We are all at someone else's house. Believe me, the mom has not exhausted herself from entertaining us.

No, it is no skin off my nose. I would not say anything to the parents.

I happen to feel badly for the 3 year old, exhausted and not knowing what to do with himself late at night, and NO PARENT around to help him go to bed.

Why is that judgmental?

And no, it is not about the SPECIFIC hour. It is about the fact the child obviously is not getting enough sleep, has melt downs all day long, cries at the drop of the hat, dozes off for 5 minutes during the day whatever chance he gets.

This to me does not sound like an optimally healthy situation. And why do I care? Well, geez, I guess because it makes me sad to see it.
You are all at someone else's house? This would clearly take any child out of his or her schedule.

It is judgmental, you have said how pathetic these parents are in a few posts back.

If their parenting skills or putting a child to bed bothers you that much and I was in your shoes, I would simply tell them "Do you want ME to put your child in bed?" I think they would get the hint pretty quickly.

It may not seem like a healthy situation but then again you ALL are at someone else's house and a child may not be interested in sleeping in SOMEONE else's bed and just want to stay up from the sheer excitement of being surrounded by other guests.

Again look at the bigger picture.
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:30 AM
 
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I said the situation was pathetic, not that the parents were pathetic. Please do not put words in my mouth.

And just to be clear, I am certain the situation is the same at their own house, when guests are not there.

However, I do like the comment of what to say, although I don't think I could ever actually say that.
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:36 AM
 
1,933 posts, read 3,139,360 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc View Post
I said the situation was pathetic, not that the parents were pathetic. Please do not put words in my mouth.

And just to be clear, I am certain the situation is the same at their own house, when guests are not there.

However, I do like the comment of what to say, although I don't think I could ever actually say that.
You are making assumptions based on the fact that they are doing this in someone elses house that they might be doing it in their own house?

People/children react and act differently in different situations and/or places.

And as for the comment, you should say it. If you can write a thread about it, you can definitely say it IRL.
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:38 AM
 
Location: Boerne area
706 posts, read 1,478,423 times
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oh for heaven's sake, having the kids awake after parents go to bed is a bad idea, period! That smacks of kids ruling the roost...setting the rules, or not. Seriously, it sounds like a SuperNanny episode in the making. I do feel for the 3 year old.

The tenor of the OP's post did not seem judgmental to me.
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:38 AM
 
Location: Cincinnati
3,335 posts, read 5,733,381 times
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honestly, can't we just live and let live? i know that if my "friends" came over and "felt sorry for my kids" that i would not want to be friends anymore. life is too short to get all huffy about how other people live.

it seems like everyone i meet these days is so opinionated and so convinced they are right about everything. it is tiring!
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:39 AM
 
3,746 posts, read 2,927,221 times
Reputation: 4683
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheOriginalMrsX View Post
You are making assumptions based on the fact that they are doing this in someone elses house that they might be doing it in their own house?

NO I am not making assumptions.

The parents said that it is pretty much the same at their house.
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:44 AM
 
3,746 posts, read 2,927,221 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by progmac View Post
honestly, can't we just live and let live? i know that if my "friends" came over and "felt sorry for my kids" that i would not want to be friends anymore. life is too short to get all huffy about how other people live.

it seems like everyone i meet these days is so opinionated and so convinced they are right about everything. it is tiring!

So let's say you saw a pregnant woman smoking and drinking.

Would that be alright with you? Would you not have an opinion about it? Would you perhaps not have a twinge of concern for her unborn baby being exposed to alchohol and toxins and carcinogens?

Not to say that you would go up to her and say anything....sure you could just live and let live...

But what she would be doing would still be wrong.

(Not that the original situation here is equivalent to this example.) But to say people should not have opinions about things is too simplistic.
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