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Old 01-19-2011, 07:46 AM
 
1,933 posts, read 3,139,360 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc View Post
NO I am not making assumptions.

The parents said that it is pretty much the same at their house.
Then why not say something? I have plenty of conversations with my friends who are parents and we all give each other tips. You don't have to come off rude to them but just drop a hint. Whether they choose to take it or leave it, its up to them.
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:51 AM
 
613 posts, read 809,047 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc View Post
We are big on "bedtime" at our house....our kids, 8 and 4, are in bed with lights off by 8:30, sometimes by 8:00 on school nights. John Rosemond writes that bedtimes are for parents as much as anything, and I agree...it is nice to have "grown-up" time in the evenings.
How I long for those early bed times again!! My two are only 16 months apart and from a very early age I put them to bed at 7pm, sometimes even 6:30! It was heaven! They didn't nap much during the day, but I found that a good trade off for early bed times.

As they got older and older though they stayed up later and later. Didn't matter what time I put them to bed, they just couldn't fall asleep. First it was 8:00, then 8:30, then 9. It became more of a frustration because they just were not tired, so I had to push bed time to a later time.

Now they are 10 and 11. My 11 year old has swim practice 3 or 4 times a week and most nights we don't get back until almost 8:00. Since practice starts at 5 or 5:30, it's impossible for her to get all her HW done before practice.

Couple this with the kids needing to take showers, my dd being hungry after practice, my dh getting home from work around 8 and having to give him dinner and most nights kids aren't in bed until 9:30 on a good night, and closer to 10 on most nights. For me, it feels like pandemonium!

Honestly, I think the bed times are harder on me than the kids. I miss the routine and structure of having the kids in bed early and getting some time for myself. Now, by the time the kids are sleeping I'm exhausted and have to go to bed myself.
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Old 01-19-2011, 08:08 AM
 
Location: Cincinnati
3,335 posts, read 5,733,381 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc View Post
So let's say you saw a pregnant woman smoking and drinking.

Would that be alright with you? Would you not have an opinion about it? Would you perhaps not have a twinge of concern for her unborn baby being exposed to alchohol and toxins and carcinogens?

Not to say that you would go up to her and say anything....sure you could just live and let live...

But what she would be doing would still be wrong.

(Not that the original situation here is equivalent to this example.) But to say people should not have opinions about things is too simplistic.
It's an interesting example. And I think that if a woman wants to smoke and drink while pregnant, that is her business. So hang me from the rooftop for that one. Sure I'll have concern for the unborn baby, but unless she is family or a close friend, I almost certainly don't know the whole story.
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Old 01-19-2011, 08:28 AM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,738,691 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by progmac View Post
It's an interesting example. And I think that if a woman wants to smoke and drink while pregnant, that is her business. So hang me from the rooftop for that one. Sure I'll have concern for the unborn baby, but unless she is family or a close friend, I almost certainly don't know the whole story.
When I was pg with my first child my cousin had a bridal shower in New York City. After the guys came up to the apartment we all went to a bar to have a drink. I was drinking club soda with lemon and some busybody came up to me and told me "You really shouldn't be drinking when you are pregnant." I told her to mind her own business. She did not know the whole story plus IT WASN'T HER BUSINESS.

I can't stand well meaning busy bodies.
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Old 01-19-2011, 08:55 AM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,732,898 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc View Post
So let's say you saw a pregnant woman smoking and drinking.

Would that be alright with you? Would you not have an opinion about it? Would you perhaps not have a twinge of concern for her unborn baby being exposed to alchohol and toxins and carcinogens?

Not to say that you would go up to her and say anything
....sure you could just live and let live...

But what she would be doing would still be wrong.

(Not that the original situation here is equivalent to this example.) But to say people should not have opinions about things is too simplistic.
Well if you're not going to go up to her and say anything, then what's the point of being outraged? You can take all sorts of situations that you see from the outside and assume people are doing wrong.

I had a conversation with my neighbor just the other morning. I work at home and often stay up late and get up early to do it. DD, who's 3, stays up until 10/10:30 and gets up around the same time. She gets plenty of sleep, and we have no reason for her to get up early, but the time she's in bed in the morning is essential for me to get stuff done unhindered.

So I saw my neighbor at about 10 the other morning, and she asked how dd was. I said "oh, she's still asleep". I then spent 10 minutes explaining the situation and how I was working etc etc because I felt terrible that it looked bad that my dd was still in bed at 10 in the morning. It was ridiculous of me to feel judged for no real reason.

I have thought back to that conversation since and wondered if my neighbor thinks I'm a horrible lazy parent. I'm not. But the moral of my story is that because people are constantly judging that you feel judged for making it work the way it works for you. It's silly. FTR, I don't think my neighbor gave a rat's. But it's funny how normally confident people undermine themselves for their own decisions, when it comes to parenting.

Caveat: With the exception of asking for opinions on this board. Then you're just asking for it (myself included).
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Old 01-19-2011, 10:08 AM
 
3,746 posts, read 2,927,221 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
Caveat: With the exception of asking for opinions on this board. Then you're just asking for it (myself included).

Points for you....


As for my example of the PG woman smoking and drinking out of a big ole bottle of Jack Daniels.......

You asked why feel outrage?

Theoretically, you wouldn't have to feel outrage to believe that her actions were wrong.

My point was that we all have opinions and to pretend otherwise is naive.
Most of us have a moral compass that will steer our behavior and our opinions, both. Some of us have life experience that will steer our behavior and our opinions.

Now whether those opinions should be shared is a different matter.

Some of you believe that if I can write about it on an IF, then I could talk about it.

I totally disagree.

Isn't part of the point of a forum like this that we can be anonymous if we choose. I have only a handful of people CLOSE enough to talk freely and openly. That's why coming here is (sometimes) so much fun.
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Old 01-19-2011, 10:21 AM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,732,898 times
Reputation: 11008
Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc View Post
Points for you....


As for my example of the PG woman smoking and drinking out of a big ole bottle of Jack Daniels.......

You asked why feel outrage?

Theoretically, you wouldn't have to feel outrage to believe that her actions were wrong.

My point was that we all have opinions and to pretend otherwise is naive.
Most of us have a moral compass that will steer our behavior and our opinions, both. Some of us have life experience that will steer our behavior and our opinions.

Now whether those opinions should be shared is a different matter.

Some of you believe that if I can write about it on an IF, then I could talk about it.

I totally disagree.

Isn't part of the point of a forum like this that we can be anonymous if we choose. I have only a handful of people CLOSE enough to talk freely and openly. That's why coming here is (sometimes) so much fun.
You didn't say anything about swigging out of a bottle of Jack Daniels. But let's discuss that. If I saw a pregnant woman swigging hard liquor out of a bottle, I'd feel pretty confident that she has a problem that's going to effect way more than purely the fetus in utero. Therefore, I'd be calling a few very persuasive people and I'd have that lady in rehab completely of her own violition, before you could say "fetal alcohol syndrome."

I wouldn't be sitting there thinking "ooh, she's doing the wrong thing", and not doing anything about it. However, if she's at a bar or an event and is having a beer or glass of wine, then that's between her and her obgyn, and is none of my beeswax.
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Old 01-19-2011, 10:43 AM
 
1,933 posts, read 3,139,360 times
Reputation: 1941
Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc View Post
Points for you....


As for my example of the PG woman smoking and drinking out of a big ole bottle of Jack Daniels.......

You asked why feel outrage?

Theoretically, you wouldn't have to feel outrage to believe that her actions were wrong.

My point was that we all have opinions and to pretend otherwise is naive.
Most of us have a moral compass that will steer our behavior and our opinions, both. Some of us have life experience that will steer our behavior and our opinions.

Now whether those opinions should be shared is a different matter.

Some of you believe that if I can write about it on an IF, then I could talk about it.

I totally disagree.

Isn't part of the point of a forum like this that we can be anonymous if we choose. I have only a handful of people CLOSE enough to talk freely and openly. That's why coming here is (sometimes) so much fun.
So then why not 'live and let live'. Why must it be that these people who can't put their children to bed at what you consider an acceptable hour in a strangers or their home be frowned upon and shamed in an IF?

Should we all just create threads to nitpick and shame parents for not parenting to your standards?

I do believe if you were that outrage you should speak up and tell them what you think and the response may not be to your liking but at least you get it off you chest.

You have a choice to either mind your own beeswax or be a part of the solution and not add to the problem.
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Old 01-19-2011, 10:52 AM
 
3,746 posts, read 2,927,221 times
Reputation: 4683
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheOriginalMrsX View Post
So then why not 'live and let live'. Why must it be that these people who can't put their children to bed at what you consider an acceptable hour in a strangers or their home be frowned upon and shamed in an IF?

Should we all just create threads to nitpick and shame parents for not parenting to your standards?

I do believe if you were that outrage you should speak up and tell them what you think and the response may not be to your liking but at least you get it off you chest.

You have a choice to either mind your own beeswax or be a part of the solution and not add to the problem.

Would you please please please understand that it is not about the "acceptable hour" and that it is about not putting them to bed at all?

Are they really shamed? Do you know who I am talking about? For all you know, I made the whole thing up (which I didn't, but if I did, you wouldn't know the difference).

There are many, many threads on here that discuss different parenting strategies and priorities, from spanking to food to potty issues.

You have said in previous posts on other threads that this is a forum for discussion and dissenting opinions.

Just because I have a different viewpoint from you or from this family, you have no right to tell me to mind my own business or what to say or what I can and cannot post.

If you don't like this topic, then kindly refrain from participating.
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Old 01-19-2011, 10:59 AM
 
1,933 posts, read 3,139,360 times
Reputation: 1941
Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc View Post
Would you please please please understand that it is not about the "acceptable hour" and that it is about not putting them to bed at all?

Are they really shamed? Do you know who I am talking about? For all you know, I made the whole thing up (which I didn't, but if I did, you wouldn't know the difference).

There are many, many threads on here that discuss different parenting strategies and priorities, from spanking to food to potty issues.

You have said in previous posts on other threads that this is a forum for discussion and dissenting opinions.

Just because I have a different viewpoint from you or from this family, you have no right to tell me to mind my own business or what to say or what I can and cannot post.

If you don't like this topic, then kindly refrain from participating.
As a matter of fact I do like this topic.

I am just trying to understand why you have such a high disregard for these people you were associating with in a stranger's home about their parenting style or why they choose not to put their three year old to bed?

It seems that only those who agree with you are the one's you can relate to but the moment someone questions your post, I feel you become jaded.

I asked you questions and I stated my opinion and advice clearly. You can either mind your own business or provide a solution for this family which clearly you haven't.

If you do not like what I have to say, please feel free to use the ignore feature on my posts and remember this is an if I can participate if I wish.
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