Nanny "not responding"

[DewDropInn]

I'm a little surprised about the fruit vs. other snacks. Most Mexican women love fresh fruit. Are you Hispanic? Are you familiar with the culture? If not, her methods are probably not going to be what you expect. How old is she? An older Mexican woman will definitely have her own opinions on what is best for la nina.

If she's older I would be inclined to work with her and give her a chance while you both work out some compromises. Sit with her and ask her about her family. Establish a rapport with her. She's as leery of you as you are of her, probably. (I go into a fast food place, I love to see older Mexican women behind the counter. Once you show them a little respect and courtesy they'll send you out with extra fries! They can be very motherly.)

I'd also ask her to talk to my daughter in Spanish. At your daughter's age she will soak it up like a sponge. And no. She will not become confused. She will become bilingual.

Oh. And she is probably listening and hearing every word you say. She just thinks her methods are better.

[no kudzu]

I don't think you are being controlling at all. You are the boss and you have every right to determine where your child will go and when. Perhaps you could make a list of possibilities and let her know which you would prefer for that day and let her chose between 2 or 3. But even then you are within your rights to tell her what you want.

She might not like animals, or the weather. Is she older? Maybe the exercise is not to her liking.
I would definitely have a fit if a nanny routinely took my child to her house and sat her down in front of a TV.

I think you lacked a firm plan or established rules when you hired her and she made them up as she went along.

During the day, do you pop in and comment or distract your child from whatever the nanny is trying to do? Does this cause your child to get upset. Is she just a babysitter or is she supposed to be teaching, instructing? There is a big difference.

Many years ago I sat for a child while the parents were home but trying "to get things done". It was next to impossible to keep this child from going to his parents every time he saw them. It was a small home and it proved to be undoable. The kid just didn't understand what was going on and I couldn't keep him from wanting to be with his parents.

[Houston_2010]

I on purpose ask the nanny to leave the house. I basically tell her once she's in the door, she's in charge...I don't want to get in the way. My daughter is very aware that I'm in the house and inevitably comes to me. I'm not complaining that she took my daughter to the children's museum...but just that I had given her a plan for the day (this was a Monday. The prior Friday they had already gone to the museum..trying to vary things a bit). I myself love the museum...just not too much of it.

I am hispanic myself (not from Mexico),so is my spouse. We do speak Spanish (and English) in the house. Hispanics' culture vary a lot depending on the country they come from. So...I have had a good amount of friends from Mexico, Venezuela, Colombia, etc and I've learned some things from them (and how we are different/similar to them). My nanny is 51 years old. About her family...I think I know more than enough about her husband, her prior marriages, her kids, her kids lives, etc...so I think we've covered that as well.

I will definitely take into account your comments. Thanks to all.

[fallingwater]

Could be that she knows the job isn't permanent so she doesn't care.

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by no kudzu

I don't think you are being controlling at all. You are the boss and you have every right to determine where your child will go and when. Perhaps you could make a list of possibilities and let her know which you would prefer for that day and let her chose between 2 or 3. But even then you are within your rights to tell her what you want.

Over controlling was probably an over statement. Sure, employers have a right to tell nannies what to do, but they won't have happy nannies if they don't allow them choices. They aren't slaves. They are people.

Originally Posted by Houston_2010

I'm not complaining that she took my daughter to the children's museum...but just that I had given her a plan for the day (this was a Monday. The prior Friday they had already gone to the museum..trying to vary things a bit). I myself love the museum...just not too much of it.

I know most nannies hate employers who hand out 'plans for the day' that don't offer some flexibility. As I said, nannies are just like other people who have moods---good days and bad days. They have days they feel like going to the zoo and days they don't. They have their own personal weather preferences for outdoor activities too.

You need more than 5 activities per week to rotate. Few adults like going to the zoo or children's museum once a week. Just like you, the nanny isn't going to love 'too much' of one thing. Once a week at the zoo might be too much zoo for her. It might just have been the outdoor temperature too.

Your nanny probably had good references because her previous employers allowed her to take the reins. Instead of asking future nannies specific questions when interviewing them, I recommend asking their references if they were employers who were more 'hands on' like you. People will tell you anything while they are interviewing. Getting a better idea of the type of people they worked for previously will give you better insight into if they are a good fit for your household.

I agree with fallingwater about the temporary nature of the job being a factor. If you and your daughter were wonderful to work with, it woudn't be a big factor, but the two things together are definitely changing the dynamic. Since the job is ending in June, I wouldn't replace her though. It's difficult for children to have constant changes in childcare providers. It's best you try to work things out with her so your daughter doesn't have to go through the loss of a childcare provider and the adjustment of a new one in such a short time period.

[littleelvis]

I am a pretty laid back person and I generally will give people multiple chances to prove themselves. However when it comes to my kids you get one strike. There are no second chances. If you feel like your talking to a three old when you speak to her why on earth would leave your kids with her.

It took us a while but evenutally found someone I would feel comfortable leaving my kids with for a month if I had too. Don't settle for your kids sake.