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Old 01-26-2011, 12:33 PM
 
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^^^

SPOT ON, wsop.

For all of you on the other side of the argument, here you have a bunch of parents with gifted children and we are all telling you the same thing:

Gifted children know instinctively that they are different. And different, they are.

Traditional school will often bore gifted children out of their minds.

Traditional school will often not fit the needs of gifted children.

Parents of gifted children have almost no one they can talk to about their child's unique needs and talents because other adults will not believe you or will react with hostility and think you are bragging.

We love our children just the way they are and we are PROUD of them for being so smart, not that it's anything we did, but we still feel proud to have been blessed by a child with an exceptional gift.

We DO have fun with our gifted children, of course we do, and for you to imply that we do not and to offer suggestions for us is ridiculous. That has not been the topic of this thread. If you wish to start a thread titled "how do you have fun with your gifted child" we will be happy to respond.


Pay attention to the fact that a bunch of parents who may not have anything in common other than the fact that their children are gifted can come on here and reiterate the same points. It is not a fluke.
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Old 01-26-2011, 12:38 PM
 
2,255 posts, read 4,318,008 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wsop View Post
How sad that people expect parents to basically hide their child's giftedness or risk being accused of bragging, and heaven forbid they should impart to their child that he/she is gifted (though trust me, a truly gifted child already knows he/she is different).

If a parent has a child who is athletically gifted, does the parent try to stifle their ability or do they usually get out there with the child and practice throwing, catching, hitting, etc? But somehow, that's ok!
Yes they do. After school and on weekends they throw a ball with them. They enroll them in outside, traveling sports teams, get them into a local clinic. But during school hours if they play kickball or basketball, their kid plays with the other kids, some of whom are not nearly as good at the game. It can be a good life lesson, not to mention that it gives the better players the opportunity to help their classmates get better.

I'm sure there are gifted students who help classmates. Is that not a better way to spend one's time rather than crying in a chair because they are bored? The parents could explain to them that there is a great deal of pleasure to be gotten from helping someone else. But no, to some parents it's about my kid and his needs and to hell with everyone else. I am speaking in general here and my thoughts reflect my own personal experiences. I'm not speaking about anyone in this thread, I'm simply participating in a discussion in which many people have articulated their experiences.

A friend of mine has an artistically-inclined son. His drawings are amazing and he could draw all day. She enrolled him in several outside art classes that meet for an hour a few times during the week and on Saturday. His artistic yearnings are stimulated by these activities but during school he participates in the class activity that the art teacher gives for that day. If another child asked him to help them draw an eagle or something he would be thrilled to help them, not roll his eyes at their inability to draw it as well as he can.

Quote:
The truth of the matter is, be it sports, music or academics, some kids/people are just WAY more athletic, more musically inclined, or much smarter. They are born with a gift, whatever that gift may be. Should Michael Phelps' parents tried to stifle his gift in swimming so other people would not think they believed their son was better at swimming than their kids? Well guess, what! Their son WAS better than the other kids! They didn't stifle that gift, they nurtured it.
Again, they nurtured it by enrolling him at the Y, perhaps got him a private coach, had him participate in and attend swimming events, bought him videos of Mark Spitz, etc. But if he wanted to participate on his high school swimming team, he was going to have deal with the fact that other kids on the team were not as good a swimmer as he was and that there was a very good probability that he would not be challenged much by swimmers on competing teams either.

Quote:
My dd is on a swim team. She works very hard and does well, but she is an AVERAGE swimmer when compared to all the other kids. There are kids who do not work half as hard as she does, but they were born with a NATURAL gift and they EXCEL at the sport. The parents of these gifted kids can not even say one word about how well their child did at a past meet without other parents talking behind their backs about how the parent is bragging! They are not bragging; their child has a gift and they are proud of it. So what?! Yet somehow it is ok for the parents of average swimmers to talk about their child's accomplishments, i.e. stating their child dropped time in the 50 free. But heaven forbid the parent with the gifted swimmer says their child dropped time AND won a medal; that's seen as bragging.
How would you feel if the parents of the excellent swimmers said that their children should not be subjected to being on the same team with your daughter because after all, she's only an average swimmer and has no business being on the team? I'm not trying to argue with you, it's just something to think about.

Quote:
Parents of academically gifted children are NOT bragging, they just want to nurture their child's talent. The only difference is their child is talented academically.

There is a big difference between sharing the successes and talents of your child and putting down others. There are parents of both varieties. You cannot speak for all of them. I have met both types throughout my career and the braggers vs. non-braggers is about even. I can only speak from my experiences. Your mileage may vary.
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Old 01-26-2011, 01:02 PM
 
852 posts, read 1,136,977 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calgirlinnc View Post
^^^

SPOT ON, wsop.

For all of you on the other side of the argument, here you have a bunch of parents with gifted children and we are all telling you the same thing:

Gifted children know instinctively that they are different. And different, they are.

Traditional school will often bore gifted children out of their minds.

Traditional school will often not fit the needs of gifted children.

Parents of gifted children have almost no one they can talk to about their child's unique needs and talents because other adults will not believe you or will react with hostility and think you are bragging.

We love our children just the way they are and we are PROUD of them for being so smart, not that it's anything we did, but we still feel proud to have been blessed by a child with an exceptional gift.

We DO have fun with our gifted children, of course we do, and for you to imply that we do not and to offer suggestions for us is ridiculous. That has not been the topic of this thread. If you wish to start a thread titled "how do you have fun with your gifted child" we will be happy to respond.


Pay attention to the fact that a bunch of parents who may not have anything in common other than the fact that their children are gifted can come on here and reiterate the same points. It is not a fluke.
My DD#1 IS gifted (a point that may have gotten missed because I didn't feel the need to say it every time I posted), and yes, she has caught on that she doesn't perceive things the same way as many of the other children her age. However, we've never had problems with her being bored or unstimulated in school.

Granted, we're in an excellent public school system, but regardless, my husband and I will not tolerate children whining about school and complaining about teachers. We remind them that there are children all over the world who don't have access to education of any kind, and we remind them that attending a good public school system with caring teachers is a privilege that they shouldn't take for granted. We tell our children to do the work. Do extra work. Read books. Be respectful.That's that. Our daughter has trained herself to make her schoolwork more challenging. She takes the initiative.

Are we Americans really so spoiled that we expect all of the adults in our children's lives to cater to every little whim or feeling that our children might have? I can get potable water from nine different places in my house. A little perspective, please.
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Old 01-26-2011, 01:02 PM
 
613 posts, read 809,047 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cleasach View Post

How would you feel if the parents of the excellent swimmers said that their children should not be subjected to being on the same team with your daughter because after all, she's only an average swimmer and has no business being on the team? I'm not trying to argue with you, it's just something to think about.
Well, you really can not compare competitive swimming with school, but unless you are a swim parent or were a swimmer yourself, that would be hard to understand. But there are many instances where if you are not fast enough, you do not compete in certain meets. There are several levels of championship meets where you need to qualify with a cut time to compete at that meet. So far, my dd has only gotten to the 2nd level. However, she competes with kids who are also at the 2nd level. If her times are too fast for the 1st level, she does not compete at that level. If are times are not fast enough for the 3rd level, or 4th level, etc., again, she does not compete at that level. When they have relay races, they take the kids with the fastest times in a stroke to compete in the relay.

However, the OPPORTUNITY is there for ALL. Every child has a chance to compete with other kids AT THE SAME LEVEL. This works well. There is ALWAYS something for the kids to work towards, from the slowest to the fastest kid on the team. There is ALWAYS a challenge. Where is the gifted student's challenge in a regular classroom?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cleasach View Post
I'm sure there are gifted students who help classmates. Is that not a better way to spend one's time rather than crying in a chair because they are bored?
Why do you think it's ok to expect the accelerated learner to slow down or spend their time teaching the other kids since they are already so smart? What if the fastest kids on a swim team were expected to slow down? Or better yet, since they are already so fast, why don't they just spend their time helping to teach the other kids to swim faster?

Last edited by wsop; 01-26-2011 at 01:39 PM..
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Old 01-26-2011, 01:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wsop View Post
Well, you really can not compare competitive swimming with school, but unless you are a swim parent or were a swimmer yourself, that would be hard to understand. But there are many instances where if you are not fast enough, you do not compete in certain meets. There are several levels of championship meets where you need to qualify with a cut time to compete at that meet. So far, my dd has only gotten to the 2nd level. However, she competes with kids who are also at the 2nd level. If her times are too fast for the 1st level, she does not compete at that level. If are times are not fast enough for the 3rd level, or 4th level, etc., again, she does not compete at that level. When they have relay races, they take the kids with the fastest times in a stroke to compete in the relay. Sometimes she makes the relay team, sometimes she does not.

However, the OPPORTUNITY is there for ALL. Every child has a chance to compete with other kids AT THE SAME LEVEL. This works well. There is ALWAYS something for the kids to work towards, from the slowest to the fastest kid on the team. There is ALWAYS a challenge.

Where is the challenge for the gifted child in a regular classroom? There is none.
I totally hear what you are saying and do not view this (as some apparently do) as a debate to be "won" by one side over the other. There are challenges and obstacles in the public education system. There are alternatives which some parents choose over that system. Unfortunately, those with little means can take advantage of those opportunities. Teachers are under pressure to be all things to all children and parents and they simply cannot. They do their best within the system they are given.

I don't claim to have an answer here. But perhaps one challenge for a gifted child-- in a regular public school classroom with no other option available to them due to finances or what have you-- is to learn that not everyone is as accelerated as they are and they will face this situation throughout their lives. That is not an academic exercise, but a worthwhile one nonetheless.
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Old 01-26-2011, 01:46 PM
 
613 posts, read 809,047 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cleasach View Post

I don't claim to have an answer here. But perhaps one challenge for a gifted child-- in a regular public school classroom with no other option available to them due to finances or what have you-- is to learn that not everyone is as accelerated as they are and they will face this situation throughout their lives. That is not an academic exercise, but a worthwhile one nonetheless.
I absolutely agree with this. Not to beat a dead horse with the swimming thing, but one thing that swimming has taught my daughter is she will always be faster than some kids, and there will always be kids that are faster than her. ALWAYS. This obviously can be applied to many situations in life.

Unfortunately, for many truly gifted kids in a regular classroom, they have little opportunity to encounter those kids that are smarter than them. I would imagine if they were in a classroom with kids who are lower, the same, and above, they would be humbled pretty quickly.
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Old 01-26-2011, 03:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lucygirl951 View Post
We remind them that there are children all over the world who don't have access to education of any kind, and we remind them that attending a good public school system with caring teachers is a privilege that they shouldn't take for granted. We tell our children to do the work. Do extra work. Read books. Be respectful.

Are we Americans really so spoiled that we expect all of the adults in our children's lives to cater to every little whim or feeling that our children might have? I can get potable water from nine different places in my house. A little perspective, please.

We do the same except for the part about the public schools.

Why would you expect that other parents do not do that?

However, since we are paying 10 grand a year for the private school, and there are only 12 students in the class, I am expecting my son's individual needs to be accomodated, whether it is for acceleration in one subject or extra help in another. That is what I get for my money.

What does this have to do with American greed, corruption, selfishness, spoiledness, self-centeredness and our undeserved position as leader of the free world?

Just because we have the freedom and the financial means (thank goodness) to expect more for our child's education we should not do so because children in Africa walk 20 miles through mine fields to go to school? Because there is poverty we should settle for mediocrity? What kind of thinking is that??
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Old 01-26-2011, 03:42 PM
 
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Also, Lucygirl, I notice you mentioned your daughter....

I believe most of us here are talking about boys. It is a generalization, but true for us anyway, that boys are less inclined to be enthusiastic about school, the sitting still, the rules and structure. Our son tolerates school, but our daughter loves school and cries if she is sick or there is a snow day.

So I wonder if your daughter's easy compliance (from your description) is more attibutable to your parenting and expectations or just that she is a girl, or a combination?
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Old 01-26-2011, 04:22 PM
 
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Wow- for the statistic of children/people being gifted are very low, they sure rate high in this thread
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Old 01-26-2011, 05:09 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
9,531 posts, read 13,372,671 times
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Default Blame it on the thread title

Consider how many members City Data has. Add in the fact that the word "gifted" is in this thread title acting as a magnet to catch the eye of parents of gifted children and I don't find it at all surprising there are a half dozen or so parents of gifted children responding.
Since we're counting, throw in one more for the record.
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