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I believe that about half of the people who say their kids are "gifted" are lying. It's like they feel like failures if their kids are just *gasp* high average. I don't know about this boy's IQ, but if he's behaving like a toddler at age seven, I'd be concerned.
The OP is right. The school shouldn't be sending him home. That seems to be a reward rather than a punishment.
Couldn't agree more! Some parents need a reality check when it comes to their children. Bottom line is this kid is acting like a brat. He's getting his way, the school obviously does not want to deal with him and the mother is allowing the behavior to continue without consequence. If I had to be called to come get my unruley child from school you can bet they are not going to like it when I get them home. Tell your friend to step up as a parent
I think the first thing that need to happen is to talk to the child. Maybe I am just old school. Speculating on the kids motives and need is a little bit premature. Yes this child has mommy and daddy issues but maybe he is also getting bullied by other children or really does not like spaghetti Tuesdays.
I mention the child is gifted because I think it manifests itself in the child being more aware of things like fairness and how other kids should follow the rules, etc. He is in public school, and the school wanted him to skip first grade, but the parents said no, due to maturity issues. It's not a case where everyone thinks their kid is gifted. The kid is gifted. There are no special classes for first graders.
Today, his mother reported a major meltdown at home last night, but this morning he was good and today had no incidents at school.
I might add that this is an only child to older parents, and they are just not used to anything but a compliant little boy until now, so the mother is doubting herself.
Being "gifted" in school means that a child is reading, writing or doing math at a higher level than the other kids in their class.
I apologize for taking this one line out of your otherwise excellent post. However, I have to address this misconception.
A child who is "gifted" in terms of intelligence (as opposed to gifted in sports, music, etc.) will not necessarily be outperforming his or her peers in math, reading or writing.
In fact, a gifted child may actually be underperforming for many reasons--boredom, an undiagnosed learning disability like dyslexia, fear of seeming different from the other children, a general disinterest in school because of the structure and so on.
Intellectual giftedness refers to the IQ level of the child. It refers to the capacity for learning, abstract reasoning, memory, and other factors. You will see it manifest in a child's imagination, memory, insight, interests, social skills, etc. and you may never see it manifest in a child's ability to complete a worksheet.
Giftedness actually has nothing to do with actual classroom performance.
The students who do the best in school are the ones who are highly intelligent, say IQs in the 110-120s range. They are bright enough and motivated enough to excel and master the material. They are intelligent enough to be in the upper part of the bell curve compared to the rest of the children.
However, truly gifted children, with IQs higher than 130, often struggle in school due to the reasons above and many other factors. They are often disconnected from the teacher (imagine being in 1st grade and realizing that you are smarter than your teacher; conversely, teachers often feel remote from these students), disconnected from other children. Children at these top 1% range tend to be quirkier and have more intense interests than other children. There is often a great disconnect between their intelligence and emotional maturity or the skills they need to do their work...for example, in Kindergarten, my son could do long division in his head but had trouble holding a pencil correctly.
Basically, there is a gap between those who are highly intelligent and those who are what is defined as gifted, just as there is a gap between the highly intelligent and those of "average" intelligence. (Of course, there are degrees of separation, and even among the gifted there are just "highly" gifted and "profoundly" gifted--think Mozart.)
Anyway, I could go on and on, but I just really wanted to clear up that misconception.
I mention the child is gifted because I think it manifests itself in the child being more aware of things like fairness and how other kids should follow the rules, etc. He is in public school, and the school wanted him to skip first grade, but the parents said no, due to maturity issues. It's not a case where everyone thinks their kid is gifted. The kid is gifted. There are no special classes for first graders.
Today, his mother reported a major meltdown at home last night, but this morning he was good and today had no incidents at school.
I might add that this is an only child to older parents, and they are just not used to anything but a compliant little boy until now, so the mother is doubting herself.
I have a gifted child (tested out etc..). Regular gifted, not profoundly gifted.
Watch the show The Big Bang Theory? We refer to him as "Sheldon" because of his particularities.
He is very black and white. Fairness and rules and doing things the way they are supposed to be are incredibly important to him. He gets very upset when he thinks things are not fair. I spend a lot of time and energy teaching him how to behave in situations that are less than optimal, social protocol, and how to let things go.
But... in the case of your friend's child, since this is new behavior, he sounds like he is anxious about the changes in his life. He may have specific personality traits that are affecting the way he deals with it.
We used to go to a private school that sent him home for every little thing, including a one-day suspension in first grade. We moved to a public school that used ISS and different approaches (as in they knew recess was a trouble time because it was unstructured so he either got to go play chess in the gifted teacher's room or got extra supervision of his interactions).
He is very black and white. Fairness and rules and doing things the way they are supposed to be are incredibly important to him. He gets very upset when he thinks things are not fair.
My son was always that way too. And very literal. But not gifted as far as I know and never acted out. His way was just to deal with it and tell me how lame everyone is when he got home.
A friend is having the following issue with her child, and although I'm a well experienced mother, I'm not sure my advice is right.
A very bright and personable 7 yr old boy, has started having meltdowns in school, triggered by minor things which quickly escalated, resulting in the mother leaving work and taking him home at the school's request.
It doesn't take a PhD to figure out that the child's payoff is getting to go home and spend time with Mom. The parents are divorced, and custody is shared. The child doesn't like to go to his father's. It's a given that the child is suffering from the family dynamic, although all the players are caring and civil.
My opinion is that the school is not handling the situation correctly in insisting that the child be removed from school. The child's teacher did not handle the original incident correctly in the first place, and the child (who had a right to be upset) should have been dealt with by the teacher more effectively. One of the incidents was that another child stole his special pencil, and he politely raised his hand to tell the teacher and the teacher did not make the other child give back the pencil. So, since he was afraid of crying in front of the other kids, he went under his desk and wouldn't come out. Of course, this was now a big disruption to the whole class.
My friend is very upset at having to go deal with this (3x this week) and feels like a terrible mother. I feel for her.
Am I right to think that the child should be sitting in the principal's office or some other boring place, not made to leave school? How would this have been handled at your child's school?
And you know this how? Sorry, if this child is acting so badly that the school has to send him home, which I have NEVER heard of in 1st grade, there are issues outside of the scope of the responsibility of the school that need to be dealt with. I suggest counseling for this child if it really is that bad.
What do the parents do when they pick up this child? Are there any repercussions at home for being a brat in school? Is the child disciplined at home?
I believe that about half of the people who say their kids are "gifted" are lying. It's like they feel like failures if their kids are just *gasp* high average. I don't know about this boy's IQ, but if he's behaving like a toddler at age seven, I'd be concerned.
The OP is right. The school shouldn't be sending him home. That seems to be a reward rather than a punishment.
Oddly enough, when my kids were young, the "gifted" thing was often used by moms of kids who were out of control...."He's just so smart/gifted/advanced that he's pushing boundaries because he's bored/he's more curious than the "average" kid...." (said with the semi eye rolling, yet proud mom of little Einstein...sharing her burden of what she has to put up with in order not to squelch her child's budding genius) etc etc. It got to be a joke between my friends and I whose kids were all reasonably smart AND managed to be well behaved also...go figure. Being smart and well behaved are not mutually exclusive.
In this child's case, it sounds as if he is still pretty socially immature - that combined with the emotions he's going through due to his home situation is a lot for a young child. It sounds like he is very frustrated. Hopefully the situation gets resolved and the child is getting the help he needs.
Oddly enough, when my kids were young, the "gifted" thing was often used by moms of kids who were out of control...."He's just so smart/gifted/advanced that he's pushing boundaries because he's bored/he's more curious than the "average" kid...." (said with the semi eye rolling, yet proud mom of little Einstein...sharing her burden of what she has to put up with in order not to squelch her child's budding genius) etc etc. It got to be a joke between my friends and I whose kids were all reasonably smart AND managed to be well behaved also...go figure. Being smart and well behaved are not mutually exclusive.
Hahaha! That's pretty much exactly what I meant. It's that whole this-child-is-gifted because he's so sensitive to everything, so under-stimulated, blah, blah, blah. I know moms like this still, and no surprise, their kids are the ones that I can't stand to be in the room with for more than five minutes.
I agree with the other posters that the supposed "giftedness" is separate from the behavior in this case. Sometimes sensitivity is not evidence of giftedness but rather of social or emotional immaturity.
I have long believed that parents of those chidlren who truly ARE gifted do not have the need to discuss it with other parents at school, kinda like those who have a lot of money do not talk about money.
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