Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Here's the scenario:
My niece was casually dating a boy (and yes, that included casual unprotected sex ). She discovered she was pregnant recently. Literally (the same day) she packed her stuff (she was living with friends) and moved back to her parents house in a different state. She says that she is not going to tell him she's pregnant (he'll find out anyway - they have mutual friends) and if he does find out, she is going to tell him it's not his. She only ever wanted the baby and is refering to him as the "sperm donor". She is not planning on getting state assistance, so feels safe that she will never have to get a paternity test and "share" the baby.
My question:
Can this young man insist on a paternity test? Can he legally force one to be done after the baby is born (even if she puts "unknown" on the father line)? Can she actually stop him from being part of the baby's life by doing this?
As far as I know, the "father" can petition the court for a DNA test and the mother must comply. Once paternity is established, he can request visitation, set up child support, etc.
Yes. A father has as much right to be a part of a child's life as the mother does. If this is what she wants it is well within her best interest to contact him and let him know and then setup an arrangement through an attorney where the father waives all rights to the child and the mother waives all rights to child support. Even that won't 100% prevent the father from one day wanting back in the child's life, but it would be a much harder fight if he later changed his mind.
Here's the scenario:
My niece was casually dating a boy (and yes, that included casual unprotected sex ). She discovered she was pregnant recently. Literally (the same day) she packed her stuff (she was living with friends) and moved back to her parents house in a different state. She says that she is not going to tell him she's pregnant (he'll find out anyway - they have mutual friends) and if he does find out, she is going to tell him it's not his. She only ever wanted the baby and is refering to him as the "sperm donor". She is not planning on getting state assistance, so feels safe that she will never have to get a paternity test and "share" the baby.
My question: Can this young man insist on a paternity test? Can he legally force one to be done after the baby is born (even if she puts "unknown" on the father line)? Can she actually stop him from being part of the baby's life by doing this?
Just out of curiosity, is there a particular reason that she does not want to tell him about the pregnancy? Unless he's physically, mentally, or emotionally abusive, or is in any way a danger this child or your niece, it seems pretty darn selfish to not want to "share." The fact that you used the term "share" and that the questions you asked are those that one would think of if the father actually wanted to be part of this child's life, I can't help but learn toward this being selfish.
Somewhere down the road, either this child or the father are gonna be really pissed to find out that they were denied access to each other.
Of course, if the father doesn't give 2 Moderator cut: language one way or the other...
Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 01-20-2011 at 08:57 PM..
Reason: Please use appropriate language
My niece is 23 years old. Her Mom went through a traumatic divorce / custody battle at a young age and (I believe) wants to "spare" her daughter that. She is in love with the idea of having another baby in the house after all the years and doesn't want to go through all the nastiness she went through herself.
My niece has a job at her dad's store and Mom waiting at home to raise the baby... very cozy (if you don't include the father in the equation).
My niece is 23 years old. Her Mom went through a traumatic divorce / custody battle at a young age and (I believe) wants to "spare" her daughter that. She is in love with the idea of having another baby in the house after all the years and doesn't want to go through all the nastiness she went through herself.
My niece has a job at her dad's store and Mom waiting at home to raise the baby... very cozy (if you don't include the father in the equation).
You are a great aunt!
I hope that you convince your neice that leaving the father out of the equation is not a good choice. He deserves the right to know that he fathered a child. It would be an injustice to the father to not be given the opportunity to raise the child or help support if he turns out to be keen.
I feel that your neice needs to understand that having a job with Dad and Mom the babysitter doesn't mean it is going to last forever.
Just because her mother went through a traumatic time doesn't mean that history has to intentionally repeat itself and she can have a loving family life with the father of the child included only if they both work at it.
I am not saying she has to stay with him or marry him but again if he turns out to be a really great guy who would love to know he has a child things can become quite complicated when simple honesty could have prevented it to begin with.
If the guy turns out to be a deadbeat dad, not interested and not wanting kids then she can trot down to the nearest family lawyer and have paperwork drawn up to have his parental rights revoked.
I hope your neice 'gets it' and I wish her all the best with her pregnancy.
I wish you all the best with this dilemma SabineRose.
I read this post a few times and I was tempted to just keep my mouth shut but I just can't!!!
I'm sorry but what your niece is doing is despicable and selfish and her mother is just as bad. She wants to spare her daughter a custody battle but when is she going to stop and think of the pain she is going to cause her grandchild down the road??? This child is going to eventually wonder they s/he doesn't have a father whose my daddy? Why doesn't he want to know about me. And this child ever finds out what mommy did and finds out daddy doesn't even know about because *I* wanted you all for myself there is going to be hell to pay.
Plus RIGHT NOW she doesn't needs dads support but what's going to happen when 10 years from now she is in a bad financial situation and needs to track this guy down who has no clue she's even pregnant and then wants to sack him with child support payments? What if the guy has just begun a family of his own or just made a large purchase on a home or something of that sort. She could ruin this guy financially in a few years by blindsiding him.
If she wanted to be a single mother with no man to "share" her baby with then should have put her big girl pants on and saved the money for a real sperm donor. If couldn't afford that then maybe she can't afford this child either.
She needs to be a woman about this and let the guy know she is going to have a baby, who knows maybe he wants nothing to do with a baby (didn't sound like it from the wording of your post) and offer him the opportunitiy to sign away his parental rights. But just not telling him is awful and selfish in the worst way. If shes going to be a mom she needs to learn sooner rather than later that it's not the "all about me" show anymore and sometimes we need to make difficult decisions for the well being of our children.
The pregnant 23-year-old is treating the male partner as a sperm donor.
The mother of the pregnant 23-year-old is treating the daughter as a brood mare.
I say - there's no point in bothering with this crew. They will do what they will do, and if you interfere they'll just add you to the list of people they can't stand. You will accomplish nothing, and you'll stress yourself out in the process.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
). She discovered she was pregnant recently. Literally (the same day) she packed her stuff (she was living with friends) and moved back to her parents house in a different state. She says that she is not going to tell him she's pregnant (he'll find out anyway - they have mutual friends) and if he does find out, she is going to tell him it's not his. She only ever wanted the baby and is refering to him as the "sperm donor". She is not planning on getting state assistance, so feels safe that she will never have to get a paternity test and "share" the baby.
