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Old 01-23-2011, 07:47 PM
 
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If what you say is true, then DS needs a psychiatrist and not a psychologist.
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Old 01-23-2011, 07:48 PM
 
Location: somewhere
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To answer the OP, my kids all wear hoodies, since they go from our house straight to the car, from the car into school, out of school to the car and out of the car to our house it is no big deal. Now if they are going to be outside for a prolonged period of time I would probably insist on something alittle heavier. I notice that most of the kids I see when dropping them off at school are dressed like they are.
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Old 01-23-2011, 07:48 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,067,857 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
I have 2 kids, dd13, and ds14, both refuse to wear coats, although the weather has been quite cold lately, around 20's night, high 30's day. Also, my ds insists on wearing shorts in this weather.

Both kids have coats, they simply won't wear them. They insist on wearing those hoodies all the time. Ok, so wear what they want, if they get cold enough they will wear something more appropriate for the weather?

Problem is, I have an ongoing relationship with CPS. DS loves to call them every little thing, and they have been out here so much its ridiculous. Last time he called, he complained he didn't have clothes. what he meant was I refused to spend $$$ on designer stuff. he has plenty of plain, ordinary, regular clothes. But tell that to CPS, expecially when all they ever see the kid wear is the same old, wash-worn tee shirt and shorts, in the dead of winter.

Well, I can't run after him and stuff him into appropriate clothes, like some 2-year old. I keep copies of all receipts to show he has more than adequate clothing provided. what he choses to do with them is up to him. I've also told CPS I will not discuss anything with them again without a court order. I'm sick of them calling, showing up at my door, all in response to ds's calls (oh, they're called "outcries"). Every social worker who comes out here acts like she's here to save him from the evil mother. Meanwhile he continues to wander around dressed pathetically.

Ok, this is what I will do----he doesn't need shorts for at least a few months---get rid of them. the only choices he will have are long pants. But what about refusing to wear a coat? Ditch the hoodies, only thing he has is a coat. then he will probably wander around with no coat, just to attract attention.

I mean, its so bad, once police brought him home, he was out walking around in 30 degree weather with no coat, shorts, and flip flops. he told police I told him to go out that way---BS! I asked him to run to the store for me, I certainly didn't tell him to go half naked! But police called CPS, although I showed the CPS gal all the warm clothes he has hanging in his closet, she still wrote up a charge against us, still pending. Then later I realized many of the warm clothing is missing, I think ds throws it away when I'm not aware. How on earth to convince CPS he's the one "abusing" himself, not me. I buy clothes that fit, are appropriate for the weather, do a reasonable job of monitoring him, but I can't be expected to chase after a 14-year old kid (who, BTW, is 6 ft tall) and dress him like a baby!

DD won't wear anything other than a hoodie, either, but at least she wears long pants, gloves, boots, etc. I guess all I can do is what I'm doing. Also, perhaps I could leave a change of clothes at the school, long pants, long sleeved shirt, jacket, so if a teacher thinks he's not dressed "appropriately" they can just send him to the office to change, not call me in the middle of the day. Let them argue with him he wants to wear shorts in 30 degree weather, and tell them that's all he has, when he has a change right there in the office.
I got my daughter a new jacket with ear buds in it. She won't take it off.

It was accidental but it worked really well. It was only $16 for my 13 year old daughter. She plugs it in to her phone.
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Old 01-23-2011, 07:52 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,122,058 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Geez, just a thread that got out of hand. I suppose I mainly wanted to know what other kids their age wear, in other parts of the country. Here it seems no matter how cold, all the kids will wear is a hoodie, no gloves, no hat, etc. Guess I'm, a "bad parent" for bothering to buy my kids warm clothing in the first place, let alone be concerned they wear it. Let them freeze, I've done all I can....

....Well, like I said, I'm just trying to see what other kids wear. My dd says there isn't enough room in her locker to hang a coat, and not enough time from when the bus drops them off, so she just wears the hoodie all day. Its easy to take on and off. Well, ok, then.
I don't think the coat is going to be an issue. It's common knowledge that kids only wear hoodies for most of the winter.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
But we did get a call from CPS about a week ago wanting to know when we're going to buy ds "appropriate clothing" I scanned them all the receipts for clothes bought recently, long pants, coats, etc, haven't heard from them since...........
I think their biggest concern is that your son is wearing the same clothes everyday. (That's what you said.) You can eliminate this problem by removing his dirty clothes from his room when he's sleeping and toss them into the washing machine. He'll have no choice but to put on some other clothes---even though they aren't his favorites.

You really do need to do whatever you can to make sure your son is wearing clean clothes. He's too young for CPS to consider him responsible for washing his own clothes---especially if he's not doing it. Even if you have to wash his favorite outfit every single night, that's what you do because it's what you need to do because you are on their radar.
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Old 01-23-2011, 07:53 PM
 
9,467 posts, read 15,054,837 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by strawflower View Post
I have never ONCE heard you say anything positive about either of your kids. Believe me, you're hostility and anger towards your children is not "normal or decent". Believe me.
I guess you know what's "normal and decent" probably because you've never been under the microscope of CPS? Well, I see it the other way, see, if we've been investigated 20+ times by the state and found to be providing a "normal and decent " home, isn't that good enough for you? The state thinks so.............maybe they should investigate you to see what the standards are.


Well, these posts aren't all-inclusive, you don't know everything about us from a few selected posts.

But that's the downfall of counseling, too. How much can you present in a 45-min session that's mostly led by the counselor? Usually when a person goes to counseling they are angry about something, but that doesn't mean that's the only emotion they feel, that's just the predominant one at the time. Also, its the only one they have time to explore.

Just the same as you can't judge an entire family from a few selected posts (BTW, I still can't get over how you make a hobby of following my posts, have nothing better to do?). You also can't judge an entire family and their dynamics from a few rushed counseling sessions. All counseling has ever done is give my ds the idea that he can gripe to someone, then makes up tales, because there's nothing amiss here. Like the time he cried there wasn't any food in the house, he didn't have anything to eat, never had lunch money, yadda, yadda..............what a load of crap. I showed CPS all our food receipts, also, we pay into his lunch account through Pams Lunch Room, showed them how much money was put in there and how he blasted through it, went through about a month's worth in a week. Also, showed them his medical records, he's gained 20 pounds in the past few months, so, how could that happen if he was "starving"? He just wasn't getting enough cookies, chips, etc. He was p'od because we'd cut down on snacks and junk food. We'd stopped buying junk food for home, and put a limit on his lunch account, no sides or extras, just the basic tray and one extra drink. He was spending $10-12/day on junk! so, he got mad and called CPS, whining he "didn't get enough food".

Last edited by MaryleeII; 01-23-2011 at 08:14 PM..
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Old 01-23-2011, 08:02 PM
 
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Marylee, all due respect, but if you didn't want people to comment on CPS, you shouldn't have brought it up. You can't just trot that elephant into the room and expect people not to acknowledge it.

Re: the hoodies. That's typical teenage stuff and nothing to worry about. When I pick my daughter up at her middle school, most the of the kids I see are wearing hoodies, no hats, no scarves, no gloves. When I was a teen, I remember wearing flats with no socks in this weather.
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Old 01-23-2011, 08:09 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,122,058 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lucygirl951 View Post
Marylee, all due respect, but if you didn't want people to comment on CPS, you shouldn't have brought it up. You can't just trot that elephant into the room and expect people not to acknowledge it.
LMAO @ "trotting elephant into the room."

Your'e absolutely right. She could have avoided all of this by merely asking everyone if their children wear hoodies instead of coats in the winter.

She didn't have to tell us about CPS---especially if she didn't want our CPS related advice and comments.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lucygirl951 View Post
When I was a teen, I remember wearing flats with no socks in this weather.
When I was a teen, I would run IN BARE FEET to the bus stop IN THE SNOW carrying my socks and shoes. I didn't have time to put my socks and shoes on. I'd grab them, run out the door, and put them on after I got on the bus. No wonder my feet get cold now that I'm older. I probably got frost bite being an idiot teenager.
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Old 01-23-2011, 08:10 PM
 
9,467 posts, read 15,054,837 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lucygirl951 View Post
Marylee, all due respect, but if you didn't want people to comment on CPS, you shouldn't have brought it up. You can't just trot that elephant into the room and expect people not to acknowledge it.

Re: the hoodies. That's typical teenage stuff and nothing to worry about. When I pick my daughter up at her middle school, most the of the kids I see are wearing hoodies, no hats, no scarves, no gloves. When I was a teen, I remember wearing flats with no socks in this weather.

Ok, just wanting to know what other teenagers wear. Its more of an issue with us, because we constantly have CPS in our face, for reasons I've outlined in previous posts. Basically, once they cast suspicion on you, your every move is judged, by anyone who's involved with your kids.

We can't just live like any other family and make day-to-day decisions, like other families. we're constantly wondering what someone else will make of it. No, that's not paranoia, that's been our experience. any little thing that looks out of line usually does generate some sort of suspicion,a phone call, an "inquiry" an "investigation, etc. Not to mention whenever ds doesn't like something he calls. What the idiots at CPS don't realize is they are empowering him to keep calling about any little thing, then turn our lives around for it.

So I guess that's how this thread began, about the coats. Both kids refuse to wear anything remotely appropriate for the weather. I did have one teacher call me wanting to know about DS clothes, and a call form CPS wanting to know when I was going to buy him clothes. they just assume the worse. Why don't they take a look at other "decent and normal" families and see their kids are wearing the same thing, perhaps its a fad, or fashion thing, or just what teens wear? I really don't think they've called up everyone at the school wantiing to know why they aren't bundled up in snowsuits, must be the parent's fault.

Its just that we can't live our day-to-day lives without feeling others are making judgments, that's the true stress on this family!
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Old 01-23-2011, 08:27 PM
 
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I'm glad you are going to counseling too because YOU also have a lot of anger.

I don't know much about any of this but it sounds to me like you have a "me" against your son thing going on.

It is NOT you against your son. You are in this together. You are not going to be able to change him right now. Change how you react to him.

He doesn't like his clothes? Fine, have a garage sale and take him shopping for new clothes. Let him pick them out. Just be sure to set a budget. Let him get a part time job to earn money for Nintendo games. Show him how to sell stuff on Ebay.

It is too late to change what happened. That is water under the bridge. Change how you go forward.

And find out why your son thinks he can call CPS for any little thing. Regular kids do not do this.
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Old 01-23-2011, 08:55 PM
 
Location: here
24,477 posts, read 28,789,444 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Ok, just wanting to know what other teenagers wear. Its more of an issue with us, because we constantly have CPS in our face, for reasons I've outlined in previous posts. Basically, once they cast suspicion on you, your every move is judged, by anyone who's involved with your kids.

We can't just live like any other family and make day-to-day decisions, like other families. we're constantly wondering what someone else will make of it. No, that's not paranoia, that's been our experience. any little thing that looks out of line usually does generate some sort of suspicion,a phone call, an "inquiry" an "investigation, etc. Not to mention whenever ds doesn't like something he calls. What the idiots at CPS don't realize is they are empowering him to keep calling about any little thing, then turn our lives around for it.

So I guess that's how this thread began, about the coats. Both kids refuse to wear anything remotely appropriate for the weather. I did have one teacher call me wanting to know about DS clothes, and a call form CPS wanting to know when I was going to buy him clothes. they just assume the worse. Why don't they take a look at other "decent and normal" families and see their kids are wearing the same thing, perhaps its a fad, or fashion thing, or just what teens wear? I really don't think they've called up everyone at the school wantiing to know why they aren't bundled up in snowsuits, must be the parent's fault.

Its just that we can't live our day-to-day lives without feeling others are making judgments, that's the true stress on this family!
You see other teens every day and you know what they wear. That's not why you started this thread. The big question is WHY IS YOUR SON CALLING CPS ON A REGULAR BASIS? that's not normal.
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