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Old 01-25-2011, 04:54 AM
 
3,749 posts, read 7,234,852 times
Reputation: 3684

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Quote:
Originally Posted by golfgal View Post
Other then the kids that wear their letter jackets, hardly ANY kids wear coats to school here. We are in Minnesota so we are a LOT colder then what the OP has (-40 windchills over the weekend). The kids wear a hoodie at best and plenty of kids still wear shorts. Kids know if they are cold or not and honestly, for the 10 steps out the front door to their ride and the 10 steps into the school building it isn't worth the hassle of a coat-getting it into your locker, getting it OUT of your locker at the end of the day, etc. I know of NO ONE that has gotten a call from CPS for kids that age not wearing a coat--especially in the warm temps I would consider the OP having right now.
Agreed Golfgal. We also are in MN and yesterday morning my 8 year old arrived at school in a sweatshirt and we were at about 5F (actual temp). I had to go home to get his jacket and I doubt he used it. CPS probably has a few other incentives to investigate.
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Old 01-25-2011, 05:20 PM
 
Location: WI
2,820 posts, read 3,062,694 times
Reputation: 4815
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
You see other teens every day and you know what they wear. That's not why you started this thread. The big question is WHY IS YOUR SON CALLING CPS ON A REGULAR BASIS? that's not normal.
Yes, I agree. Had she wanted to know what teens wear on a regular basis she would've said "is it normal for teens to only wear hoodies on cold days?" or something along those lines- that was obviously not the intent of her post. Personally, I think she just wanted to rant. But who knows..
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Old 01-25-2011, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,653,945 times
Reputation: 19408
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawflower View Post
Yes, I agree. Had she wanted to know what teens wear on a regular basis she would've said "is it normal for teens to only wear hoodies on cold days?" or something along those lines- that was obviously not the intent of her post. Personally, I think she just wanted to rant. But who knows..
No. Her son has serious mental health issues. I am not going to betray confidences here, except to say, there is far, far more to this story than the OP has confided in us here. So many posters here have been so horribly judgemental. A frantic mother, with a very troubled teen has come here desperate...not wanting to share HORROR stories, but skirting the edge of what's really gone on, and what she's gotten from most of the other posters is condemnation...told to get counselling, when it's something they've been doing for a very, very long time. Some things are just too horrible to share!! This woman loves AND fears for her son!

Do you know the trouble here? Most of the posters have NOT had to deal with serious mental health and dangerous violence from their children. That's a great thing...wonderful. However, not all children are the same. They can not be bundled into a "just do this and things will be okay" category. Not all children who are acting out, are a product of a screwed up home. Not all violent and dangerous children were abused or are being picked on at home. One size does NOT fit all. Some children are controlling terrorists, whether it's temporary or their inbred nature. To terrorize someone who has been living with hopelessness and being terrorized, not only by a child, but by CPS, is reprehensible. If only you all understood what some parents go through....but at the same time, I pray you never do. Dear God, if it were only as simple as whether to wear a coat or not!

Marylee, if I have betrayed your confidences, I apologize from the bottom of my heart....I just hurt way too much for you to hold my tongue.
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Old 01-25-2011, 07:11 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,730,432 times
Reputation: 31039
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
No. Her son has serious mental health issues. I am not going to betray confidences here, except to say, there is far, far more to this story than the OP has confided in us here. So many posters here have been so horribly judgemental. A frantic mother, with a very troubled teen has come here desperate...not wanting to share HORROR stories, but skirting the edge of what's really gone on, and what she's gotten from most of the other posters is condemnation...told to get counselling, when it's something they've been doing for a very, very long time. Some things are just too horrible to share!! This woman loves AND fears for her son!

Do you know the trouble here? Most of the posters have NOT had to deal with serious mental health and dangerous violence from their children. That's a great thing...wonderful. However, not all children are the same. They can not be bundled into a "just do this and things will be okay" category. Not all children who are acting out, are a product of a screwed up home. Not all violent and dangerous children were abused or are being picked on at home. One size does NOT fit all. Some children are controlling terrorists, whether it's temporary or their inbred nature. To terrorize someone who has been living with hopelessness and being terrorized, not only by a child, but by CPS, is reprehensible. If only you all understood what some parents go through....but at the same time, I pray you never do. Dear God, if it were only as simple as whether to wear a coat or not!

Marylee, if I have betrayed your confidences, I apologize from the bottom of my heart....I just hurt way too much for you to hold my tongue.
We can tell there is way more going on than not wearing a coat or spending too much on lunch. We have said that over and over. Way more help is needed than we can give here.
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Old 01-25-2011, 07:15 PM
 
Location: WI
2,820 posts, read 3,062,694 times
Reputation: 4815
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
We can tell there is way more going on than not wearing a coat or spending too much on lunch. We have said that over and over. Way more help is needed than we can give here.
Exactly- that is what I was hoping to say but you said it much better than I could have. My problem is that she just won't take the advice of others- SO many of us have given her wonderful advice, but she just can't fathom the fact that she might be doing something wrong. That is why I mentioned the fact that she seems to just be ranting. We give her great advice yet she won't take it because (these are her exact words): this is how she is parenting her kids, and there's nothing wrong with it.

I feel bad, I really do. I can't having such a hostile home life. Get help Marylee, please! And don't hesitate to show your love to your kids- sometimes all it takes is an "I love you" or "I am so proud of you".
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Old 01-25-2011, 07:17 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,653,945 times
Reputation: 19408
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
We can tell there is way more going on than not wearing a coat or spending too much on lunch. We have said that over and over. Way more help is needed than we can give here.
She needs a friend...desperately. Believe me, this family has been through hell and back. People assume that they're not doing everything they should be doing and that could not be further from the truth.
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Old 01-25-2011, 08:08 PM
 
15,287 posts, read 16,833,735 times
Reputation: 15019
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
She needs a friend...desperately. Believe me, this family has been through hell and back. People assume that they're not doing everything they should be doing and that could not be further from the truth.
She is not going to get a friend at city data when all she does is post about how awful her life is and how horrible her kids are. She needs to find a real life support group and get off the internet.

If she has a mentally ill child, then hopefully, she is already getting some counselling, but it doesn't sound as if she is actually paying attention to what the counsellors are telling her.
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Old 01-25-2011, 08:36 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,958,716 times
Reputation: 30256
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
She needs a friend...desperately. Believe me, this family has been through hell and back. People assume that they're not doing everything they should be doing and that could not be further from the truth.
You're super sweet for caring so much about Marylee. But I have a hard time believing that she has done everything she could do. She is extremely resistant to lightening up on her trying to control her children.

I am a mother who has struggled with parenting a child who has mental illness. Granted, severe anxiety disorders are probably not as bad as what she's dealing with (no clue since no diagnosis has been shared about her son, but my son has NEVER been violent, mean or even remotely oppositional). But I did try everything and part of trying everything included backing off. That's what Marylee hasn't tried.

And Marylee does need counseling and probably medication for herself. She's clearly stressed out to the max. Sometimes when you can't help others, you have no choice but to help yourself. Marylee goes to therapy to fix him. She's not in therapy for herself. She doesn't think she has any problems herself. At least that's how she comes across in her posts.
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Old 01-25-2011, 09:06 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,653,945 times
Reputation: 19408
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
You're super sweet for caring so much about Marylee. But I have a hard time believing that she has done everything she could do. She is extremely resistant to lightening up on her trying to control her children.

I am a mother who has struggled with parenting a child who has mental illness. Granted, severe anxiety disorders are probably not as bad as what she's dealing with (no clue since no diagnosis has been shared about her son, but my son has NEVER been violent, mean or even remotely oppositional). But I did try everything and part of trying everything included backing off. That's what Marylee hasn't tried.

And Marylee does need counseling and probably medication for herself. She's clearly stressed out to the max. Sometimes when you can't help others, you have no choice but to help yourself. Marylee goes to therapy to fix him. She's not in therapy for herself. She doesn't think she has any problems herself. At least that's how she comes across in her posts.
Keep their family in your prayers...for safety and peace, some financial good thoughts would also be helpful.
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Old 01-25-2011, 09:11 PM
 
852 posts, read 1,135,627 times
Reputation: 1042
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Keep their family in your prayers...for safety and peace, some financial good thoughts would also be helpful.
You have a big heart, Mel.
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