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Old 01-23-2011, 01:44 PM
 
9,454 posts, read 15,010,253 times
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I have 2 kids, dd13, and ds14, both refuse to wear coats, although the weather has been quite cold lately, around 20's night, high 30's day. Also, my ds insists on wearing shorts in this weather.

Both kids have coats, they simply won't wear them. They insist on wearing those hoodies all the time. Ok, so wear what they want, if they get cold enough they will wear something more appropriate for the weather?

Problem is, I have an ongoing relationship with CPS. DS loves to call them every little thing, and they have been out here so much its ridiculous. Last time he called, he complained he didn't have clothes. what he meant was I refused to spend $$$ on designer stuff. he has plenty of plain, ordinary, regular clothes. But tell that to CPS, expecially when all they ever see the kid wear is the same old, wash-worn tee shirt and shorts, in the dead of winter.

Well, I can't run after him and stuff him into appropriate clothes, like some 2-year old. I keep copies of all receipts to show he has more than adequate clothing provided. what he choses to do with them is up to him. I've also told CPS I will not discuss anything with them again without a court order. I'm sick of them calling, showing up at my door, all in response to ds's calls (oh, they're called "outcries"). Every social worker who comes out here acts like she's here to save him from the evil mother. Meanwhile he continues to wander around dressed pathetically.

Ok, this is what I will do----he doesn't need shorts for at least a few months---get rid of them. the only choices he will have are long pants. But what about refusing to wear a coat? Ditch the hoodies, only thing he has is a coat. then he will probably wander around with no coat, just to attract attention.

I mean, its so bad, once police brought him home, he was out walking around in 30 degree weather with no coat, shorts, and flip flops. he told police I told him to go out that way---BS! I asked him to run to the store for me, I certainly didn't tell him to go half naked! But police called CPS, although I showed the CPS gal all the warm clothes he has hanging in his closet, she still wrote up a charge against us, still pending. Then later I realized many of the warm clothing is missing, I think ds throws it away when I'm not aware. How on earth to convince CPS he's the one "abusing" himself, not me. I buy clothes that fit, are appropriate for the weather, do a reasonable job of monitoring him, but I can't be expected to chase after a 14-year old kid (who, BTW, is 6 ft tall) and dress him like a baby!

DD won't wear anything other than a hoodie, either, but at least she wears long pants, gloves, boots, etc. I guess all I can do is what I'm doing. Also, perhaps I could leave a change of clothes at the school, long pants, long sleeved shirt, jacket, so if a teacher thinks he's not dressed "appropriately" they can just send him to the office to change, not call me in the middle of the day. Let them argue with him he wants to wear shorts in 30 degree weather, and tell them that's all he has, when he has a change right there in the office.
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Old 01-23-2011, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
1,164 posts, read 1,686,134 times
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Sounds like a crazy situation is going on there, since the kids like to call CPS a lot.

Your job is to provide the kids with adequate (NOT designer) clothes for the seasons, a roof over their head, put decent and edible food on the table, and a loving and stable environment.

If they want fancy clothes, they can do those "paid under the table" (busboy, laborer, etc.) jobs and pay for it themselves. If they want to be defiant and not wear their coats, let them freeze their butts off! That's their problem, not yours. Your job was to provide the coats. Let them learn the hard way; sooner or later the kids will change their tune.

p.s. always keep the reciepts for the clothes you buy for the kids. that way if you have to go to court, you can always verify that you did indeed purchase coats and other clothes for them. in fact, keep ALL of your receipts!!
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Old 01-23-2011, 02:35 PM
 
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I sure hope you're letting your children pick out their own clothing instead of buying clothes they hate and won't wear. If you're trying to force them to wear clothes they don't like, that's 100% part of the problem right there. You shouldn't worry if they are designer clothes or not. Set a budget and let them shop for the clothes. If they chose to have less clothing that they like to wear, that's much better than having more clothing that they don't like to wear.

Most teenagers only wear hoodies in the winter. I doubt CPS will give you trouble with that as long as there truly is a winter coat in the house that fits both of them.

But you really need to realize that your children calling CPS is an indication there is something you need to change about your parenting. Telling CPS that you won't talk to them without a court order is asking for trouble. When they get irritated enough wtih you, they'll get that court order and take your children from you.
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Old 01-23-2011, 02:59 PM
 
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How can you enforce strict rules (keeping your DD out of other kid's houses in the neighbor hood) when you cannot make them wear a coat?

My middle child wears a hoodie most days (even in snow) and I have never had CPS call me, nor a teacher call and say he is dressed inappropriately. He is 12 and hot natured. If he says he is not cold, he knows better than I do about how his body feels.
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Old 01-23-2011, 03:08 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,940,518 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockinmomma View Post
My middle child wears a hoodie most days (even in snow) and I have never had CPS call me, nor a teacher call and say he is dressed inappropriately.
Once my children were around 11 or 12, they only wore hoodies for years until they were close to adulthood.

Interestingly, I never heard from CPS or the school either.
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Old 01-23-2011, 03:14 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,690,207 times
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My kids won't wear winter jackets either - no matter how cold it gets. They like those "hoodies" which actually are pretty good if it doesn't go much below 20 degrees. If you force them wear a nice jacket, they'll manage to lose it.

I wonder about the calling of CPS. If the kid is doing that to manipulate and control, that's not good. Too bad you couldn't call his bluff and have him sent to live in a foster home for a while.

A lot of kids will complain there's never any food in the home if the food is all real food - meats, vegetables, cans of soups, fruit because they really want potato chips, cookies, candies, ice cream.
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Old 01-23-2011, 03:23 PM
 
9,454 posts, read 15,010,253 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
My kids won't wear winter jackets either - no matter how cold it gets. They like those "hoodies" which actually are pretty good if it doesn't go much below 20 degrees. If you force them wear a nice jacket, they'll manage to lose it.

I wonder about the calling of CPS. If the kid is doing that to manipulate and control, that's not good. Too bad you couldn't call his bluff and have him sent to live in a foster home for a while.

A lot of kids will complain there's never any food in the home if the food is all real food - meats, vegetables, cans of soups, fruit because they really want potato chips, cookies, candies, ice cream.

Yep, my kids complain there's no food in the house, too! There's a to of food, just not chips, cookies, etc. Right now we're having a lunch of scrambled eggs, sausage, toast, peanut butter, milk. that's nothing? Just not what they wanted, a pizza, MCD, etc.

BTW, its not my dd that complains to CPS, its always DS, he loves to stir up trouble. I've taken to keeping all receipts for food, clothing, etc, and what I pay into his lunch account. I di have a CPS worker out here in response to his gripes that he did't have clothes, food, etc.

Problem is, kids nowdays have such a sense of entitlement. they think they deserve everything they see on TV, and everything they whine for. That doesn't mean I run out and buy it, but it doesn't keep them from thinking they somehow deserve it. My ds started his love affair with CPS a few years back when a teacher thought he was being "abused" for things like not having a lunch (he threw his lunch away), not having a coat (he refused to wear one), etc, so, without bothering to look into the situaiton, reported us to CPS. Now ds thinks CPS is his "avenger" somehow, and they are there to see to it he gets whatever he wants. They encourage it by validating anything he says, oh, that must have been difficult, I know how hard it is to talk about things that bother you, etc, etc, just encouraging more and more gripes.

I've taken to keeping all receipts, if they do knock at the door, I simply tell them to wait there (I don't care if its a cold day, they came to my home, its not a social call), while I go get the receipts, keep them, I have copies. a few such visits and they haven't come back, even they can see the kid is just playing them.
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Old 01-23-2011, 03:25 PM
 
9,454 posts, read 15,010,253 times
Reputation: 15401
Quote:
Originally Posted by stressedCollegeGirl89 View Post
Sounds like a crazy situation is going on there, since the kids like to call CPS a lot.

Your job is to provide the kids with adequate (NOT designer) clothes for the seasons, a roof over their head, put decent and edible food on the table, and a loving and stable environment.

If they want fancy clothes, they can do those "paid under the table" (busboy, laborer, etc.) jobs and pay for it themselves. If they want to be defiant and not wear their coats, let them freeze their butts off! That's their problem, not yours. Your job was to provide the coats. Let them learn the hard way; sooner or later the kids will change their tune.

p.s. always keep the reciepts for the clothes you buy for the kids. that way if you have to go to court, you can always verify that you did indeed purchase coats and other clothes for them. in fact, keep ALL of your receipts!!
Perhaps pictures of the items, along with the receipts. Sad I have to document my parenting to state agencies.
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Old 01-23-2011, 03:41 PM
 
831 posts, read 1,306,402 times
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My dd is 12 and she hates to wear a coat too She wears zip up or pull over hoodies. She does have one black hoodie that has a wool lining in it. She will wear that on the coldest days if I nag her hard enough. Maybe you could find a hoodie like that?
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Old 01-23-2011, 03:43 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,723,874 times
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the problem isn't that your kids won't wear coats. The problem is that your son calls CPS on you. It seems like all/most of the teens I see wear hoodies. You really need to get control of your son.
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