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Roll out of bed and get started..shower first or the night before even. That will get them awake quick. Then breakfast. No TV till they are COMPLETELY READY including shoes. Jacket and backpack by the door or in the car, whichever.
I had to do the opposite. My kids HATED school breakfast. They wanted to eat at home but they took so long it was ridiculous. I had to NOT turn on the TV (they thought that was awful) get them ready to go and then feed them breakfast. When it was time to leave, up and out. NOW. So..it started getting better and working well enough. Everyone has a favorite thing or something they want to do more than others... just figuring out what it is is the trick!
They should be thankful! It could be so much worse! When my daughter was 2 or 3, she crossed her arms across her chest and refused to get dressed. I picked her up, loaded her into the car, took her to the sitter in her underwear, and handed her clothing to the sitter. After that, my daughter never gave me a hard time about getting dressed. The same situation didn't present itself with my son. He never gave me trouble or refused, he's just slow at waking up and our routine accomodated that.
I have had it with trying to get the kids ready for school in the morning! DS5 isn't so much of a problem. It is my 7 yo who is on my last nerve. They get up around 6-6:30 and watch TV. DH goes in around 7:00 to get them breakfast. DS7 eats REALLY slowly. Often I call him up to shower at 7:45 and he says he's still eating! Then he spends, no joke, about 30 minutes in the shower/bath. I have had to go in and tell him to get out up to 4 times during 1 bath. He just forgets or ignores me, or has no concept of "2 more minutes." While getting ready myself, I have to check on him every 5 minutes to see if he's making progress. He ALWAYS forgets something and I have to call him back upstairs.
I made a poster with pictures of what he has to do and hung it in the hall. I made a check list where he can check off what he has done every morning. I've offered rewards if he can ever get it all done. He hasn't yet. We don't have to leave for school until 8:45, so he has about 2 hours to get ready and we still have these issues.
I just told them that starting tomorrow, NO TV in the morning until they are completely ready. We'll see if that works.
At 7yo, your son is completely capable of knowing how to get ready in the morning as well as everything to push your buttons.
But, he has learned, the more he irritates you, the more you do for him!
I cannot push this concept enough. I love it. I've read the book more than a few times & was able to attend a free seminar. Love & Logic.
I don't agree 100% w/ everything, but I've used several of the techniques w/ my boys & they work wonders.
I don't remind my 5yo to take his backpack to school. I don't tell him 10 times to get ready or to hurry up b/c we have to get in the car. There are 2 choices...all that land on his shoulders...that he is more than capable of handling.
There is no need for you to take on the actions of your child that he is more than able to handle himself. The more you get angry, the more he responds in his way.
I always tell myself that if it is an issue NOW, it is going to be an even bigger & harder issue when they are teenagers.
There is, however, an approach to raising kids that provides loving support from parents while at the same time expecting kids to be respectful and responsible.
I just copy & pasted a snippet from Love & Logic. Again, not all parents agree with it nor am I saying it is foul proof. Just that it seems you are fighting a battle that there is no need for & honestly, a simple solution for.
This program is known as Parenting with Love and Logic, a philosophy founded by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, M.D., and based on the experience of a combined total of over 75 years working with and raising kids.
Many parents want their kids to be well prepared for life, and they know this means kids will make mistakes and must be held accountable for those mistakes. But these parents often fail to hold the kids accountable for poor decisions because they are afraid the kids will see their parents as being mean. The result is they often excuse bad behavior, finding it easier to hold others, including themselves, accountable for their children's irresponsibility.
Jim Fay teaches us that we should "lock in our empathy, love, and understanding" prior to telling kids what the consequences of their actions will be. The parenting course Becoming a Love and Logic Parent teaches parents how to hold their kids accountable in this special way. This Love and Logic method causes the child to see their parent as the "good guy" and the child's poor decision as the "bad guy." When done on a regular basis, kids develop an internal voice that says, "I wonder how much pain I'm going to cause for myself with my next decision?" Kids who develop this internal voice become more capable of standing up to peer pressure.
What more could a parent want? Isn't that a great gift to give your child? Parent child relationships are enhanced, family life becomes less strained, and we have time to enjoy our kids instead of either feeling used by them or being transformed from parent to policeman.
The Love and Logic technique in action sounds like this:
Dad: "Oh, no. You left your bike unlocked and it was stolen. What a bummer. I bet you feel awful. Well, I understand how easy it is to make a mistake like that." (Notice that the parent is not leading with anger, intimidation, or threats.)
Dad then adds, "And you'll have another bike as soon as you can earn enough money to pay for it. I paid for the first one. You can pay for the additional ones."
Love and Logic parents know that no child is going to accept this without an argument, but Love and Logic parents can handle arguments. Jim Fay advises "just go brain dead." This means that parents don't try to argue or match wits with the child. They simply repeat, as many times as necessary, "I love you too much to argue." No matter what argument the child uses, the parent responds "I love you too much to argue." Parents who learn how to use these techniques completely change, for the better, their relationships with kids and take control of the home in loving ways.
DH goes in around 7:00 to get them breakfast. DS7 eats REALLY slowly.
Often I call him up to shower at 7:45 and he says he's still eating! Then he spends, no joke, about 30 minutes in the shower/bath. I have had to go in and tell him to get out up to 4 times during 1 bath. He just forgets or ignores me, or has no concept of "2 more minutes." While getting ready myself, I have to check on him every 5 minutes to see if he's making progress. He ALWAYS forgets something and I have to call him back upstairs.
We don't have to leave for school until 8:45, so he has about 2 hours to get ready and we still have these issues.
So the schedule is:
Up at 6. Sit around an hour waiting for husband to make breakfast. Shower some time before 8. Rush for the next 45 minutes til it's time to leave.
First, totally agree with cleaning the body -before- you crawl into bed, not after you get out. At 7, he's probably not wetting the bed anymore (if he ever did - some kids are lucky like that), so he'll enjoy his sheets a lot longer if he's already clean when it's sleep time.
Second, is he getting himself out of bed that early, or is someone waking him up that early? If someone is waking him up that early, Stop doing that. Wake him up 30 minutes before breakfast time. Set his outfit for that day, out the night before, and give him 30 minutes to get up, go to the toilet, rinse his hands and face, dress himself, straighten the bed, fold his jammies, and be ready to eat. If he's getting himself out of bed that early, then DH is going to need to start getting up a little earlier to make sure DS7 has done all of those things, by the time breakfast is served.
Third, definitely no TV in the mornings. Bedtime and wake time should be the most peaceful, serene, and quiet times in the house. You start the day out being calm and peaceful and NOT zombied out staring at a TV, and you have a better chance of spending the rest of your day being calm and peaceful. Start the day how you want your family to continue it. Expect nothing less from them; they deserve nothing less.
They should be thankful! It could be so much worse! When my daughter was 2 or 3, she crossed her arms across her chest and refused to get dressed. I picked her up, loaded her into the car, took her to the sitter in her underwear, and handed her clothing to the sitter. After that, my daughter never gave me a hard time about getting dressed. The same situation didn't present itself with my son. He never gave me trouble or refused, he's just slow at waking up and our routine accomodated that.
Mine were both aware that should they be naked at 6:39, that is how they would go to school. It was never a problem
I have another suggestion: put him in charge of his morning routine by creating a schedule. It will allow him to practice his time-telling skills.
Also, if showering is a morning thing, try setting a kitchen timer and placing it on the bathroom counter to help him internalize the appropriate amount of time for bathing. If all else fails, you could also turn off the hot water at the heater when he's overstayed his welcome. My father used to do that to my brother and me when we were teenagers. It's definitely drastric, but it works really well! For a gentler approach, there are also shower timers on the market that gradually reduce water pressure and then turn the tap off completely after a set time.
Third, definitely no TV in the mornings. Bedtime and wake time should be the most peaceful, serene, and quiet times in the house. You start the day out being calm and peaceful and NOT zombied out staring at a TV, and you have a better chance of spending the rest of your day being calm and peaceful. Start the day how you want your family to continue it. Expect nothing less from them; they deserve nothing less.
I've never understood kids watching tv as they scarf down cereal before the bus. I hear every morning "Can I play some DS?" "Can I play some Wii". I don't even respond. He still asks every single morning. I just continue on w/ my routine. Doesn't bother me...I get my coffee & the day going. He can ask 1,000 times. He doesn't get a response. He eventually walks away & gets ready. Sits down & eats breakfast. It's calm & its peaceful.
But you wrote a really pertinent line...start the day out calm & peaceful.
As parents, WE start the day off. Sure, the night may have been rough, kids could wake up in foul moods. Ok, so, who is controlling the parents day, the parent or the kids? I work at this every day. I find the days I let them ride my emotions are the worst. The days when I start the day off calm & peaceful & require that in the home, it stays calm & peaceful. Not 24/7/365, but enough.
Yes, 2 hours is too long in the morning! No one is waking him up. He's always been an early riser. I wish school started earlier, but I can't help that.
We've tried leaving a small container of milk in the fridge so he can get his own breakfast. He's capable, but hasn't gotten in the habit. I think he/they also cherish breakfast time with daddy.
I do lay out clothes for him the night before. That helps.
Evening showers are a possibility but evenings are full with activities and homework. With the 2 long hours before school, I thought mornings made more sense.
I hope the no TV in the morning works. I think it will. I'll let you know!
I do feel kind of bad for DS5 being punished (no TV) when he isn't really the problem. Oh well.
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