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Old 01-26-2011, 02:26 PM
 
424 posts, read 635,847 times
Reputation: 399

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OK. I'm not sure how much I can help. LOL I have a 13-month-old who slept wonderfully until he hit 10 months old. Now he's in the bed with us every night. LOL

Is the eight hours in one stretch? And when you say start bedtime around 8, is that when you start the bath/reading, etc. or is that done and you're trying to get him down? Someone on one of my parenting boards is having a similar problem and the suggestions have been to move back bedtime. If the kid doesn't fall asleep until 10, don't try to get them to go at 8. It seems that with several moms, their older kids go to sleep before there younger ones, but then again, the youngers ones usually nap during the day.

The other option could that is he's overtired, but that's hard to fix if he won't nap...
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Old 01-26-2011, 02:28 PM
 
Location: Land of Thought and Flow
8,323 posts, read 13,152,620 times
Reputation: 4865
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazymomof3 View Post
He refuses to nap.
Some kids don't need naps. Even at two years old, there were days that my daughter just didn't take a nap. It was all relative to how tired she was - which my husband and I could plainly recognize.

Quote:
He wakes up at 6:30 every day.
So, approximately around the time the sun starts to rise, correct? My daughter used to do that until we put thicker curtains over her windows.

Quote:
It takes an hour (at least) to get him to sleep each night...he's up and down, has to potty, get a drink, kiss us goodnight.
Set a routine and stick with it. Do. Not. Vary.

We also have a potty seat (and toilet paper) in her room and tell her that she can only get up to use it. Beyond that, we close the door, put up her gate, and let her get to sleep

Quote:
By 10:00 I'm so frustrated, and so is my husband we can't stand it.
> Frustration

Here's a good idea. When he's acting up at night, take a really deep breath, close your eyes, count to 10. Then put on the most stolid face you can possible muster and respond to him "It's bedtime." in the most emotionless way you can.

Quote:
He doesn't have sugar at night.
No TV.
We take a bath, brush teeth, read a story. The routine is the same every night
Add a cup of water to drink after he brushes his teeth and make sure he uses the potty before putting his head to the pillow.

Quote:
...he's now going into my daughter's room at night and disturbing her so she can't sleep.
Put up a gate.

Quote:
He throws fits, screams, kicks the wall.
He's doing these things because it causes a reaction out of you. Stop reacting (especially out of frustration) and the negative behaviours will stop.

Quote:
I can't stand it anymore.
Then don't take it anymore. Set the schedule, be firm, and don't react. If he's getting out of bed and bouncing around, give him 5 minutes. If he doesn't, go in there without emotion and pick him up and put him in bed. Say firmly "It's bedtime." Works wonders for my little girl.

Quote:
I'm 9 mos. pregnant and this struggle is taking over our entire house.
Then you definitely need to get your emotions in check. All the frustrations you are experiencing are being passed to your child - and you don't have long before the child comes. If your husband doesn't exhibit the same frustration as you, then that would be why your son is reacting better to him.

Quote:
He literally keeps everyone up at night...on top of that, he comes in our bed every night so I go to the sofa...if I put him in his bed he throws a tantrum, screaming, waking up the entire house.
> Comes into my bed
> I go to couch

So, while you want the behaviour to stop, you're still feeding into it. If he comes into your bed, you pick him up and put him in bed.

Yes.

He will scream, shout, and wake everybody up. However, you're caving when he does this. What lesson has your son learned?

"If I scream and shout loud enough, mommy will cave into my every wants."

Quote:
Needless to say I haven't slept longer than 3 hours at a time in over a year. I'm over it.
> Over a year
> 9 months pregnant

You addressed this, but at least this tells us that his actions have nothing to do with the pregnancy.

Quote:
I'm sad to say that I'm kind of hating being a mom right now.
Then step up and be firm. Stick to what you say and what you want him to be doing. If it's bed time, he will remain in his room and not throw a tantrum.

Quote:
Does anyone have any suggestions, or real advice, like you've been there before...it's always easy for people to dish out advice
Watch some episodes of Super Nanny. Watch exactly how JoJo handles the children and how her methods work. From her posture to her expressions to the very inflections of her voice, she sets herself as an "authority" figure and children react accordingly. You need to learn this, practice it, and keep at it.

He'll scream, cry, shout, fight, and do everything in his power to get a reaction out of you - in the hopes that you'll cave. Don't let him.
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Old 01-26-2011, 02:28 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,346,221 times
Reputation: 32238
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazymomof3 View Post
Thanks...I've cried already today. One of those days!

No tantrums during the day; he's relatively easy, just all boy with lots of energy and bounce.

Husband is on board...he and I share the bedtime burden. We're both pretty frustrated, and have determined, as much as we hate to admit it, we're not consistent and are contributing to the problem. Fatigue wins a lot of the time and we give in. I hate that about me! Consistency is so important, and I'm afraid I've failed a bit in that area.
First of all, babies are a blessing. Don't let people you don't even know make you feel bad. It's the internet. People say all kinds of things.

I think you hit the nail on the head, "We are not consistent." You have to be. In everything. He's three. He's still learning how the world works.

He's learned how to push your buttons. What do you do when he throws a tantrum at night? Give him more time? A snack? Extra hugs? Special blankie? My bet is yes. Especially if Daddy spends extra time with him. In his little brain he is equating having a fit with getting something wonderful as a result.

Lay down the law to his little three year old self. Twenty minutes before bedtime (which should be the exact same time every night) tell him he has 20 mins and then it's bed. Tell him to finish up whatever he's doing. Tell him when he has 5 more minutes. Then at bedtime tell him. Bedtime. Brush his teeth. Say his prayers. A story. A hug. And then lights out. Every single night.

He'll fight this. Return him to his room. Do not try and reason with him. He has to know you are the boss and he's pushed your last button. Can he sleep with the door closed? Close it. Tell him you'll leave the nightlight on but he is a big boy and he needs to seep. And mean it.

How's he feel about the baby coming? Is he the baby now? A lot of this acting up may be because he's figured out he's about to be usurped. I say it all the time. Kids are smart. You might try talking with him about all the things he can do for the baby as he's in bed. Tell him he has a big rsponsibility coming: He's going to be a big brother! And big brothers need their sleep.

Consistency. Consistency. Consistency.

Boy or girl?
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Old 01-26-2011, 02:28 PM
 
Location: Powell, WY
991 posts, read 1,954,536 times
Reputation: 1335
Quote:
Originally Posted by 88txaggie View Post
Consistency is very important. can you describe the supernanny technique that worked, and speculate a bit about why it doesn't work now?
If he would get out of bed, I'd simply put him back in the bed, without saying a word. The longest it ever went on with me (being the only one on bedtime duty) was about 20 mins. He went haywire with bedtime once my husband came back to working days. Eureka! I think I found the culprit...I'll blame my husband!

Just kidding...

You're so right-consistency is so important and sadly I fail at it.
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Old 01-26-2011, 02:34 PM
 
Location: Powell, WY
991 posts, read 1,954,536 times
Reputation: 1335
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rita Mordio View Post
Some kids don't need naps. Even at two years old, there were days that my daughter just didn't take a nap. It was all relative to how tired she was - which my husband and I could plainly recognize.



So, approximately around the time the sun starts to rise, correct? My daughter used to do that until we put thicker curtains over her windows.



Set a routine and stick with it. Do. Not. Vary.

We also have a potty seat (and toilet paper) in her room and tell her that she can only get up to use it. Beyond that, we close the door, put up her gate, and let her get to sleep



> Frustration

Here's a good idea. When he's acting up at night, take a really deep breath, close your eyes, count to 10. Then put on the most stolid face you can possible muster and respond to him "It's bedtime." in the most emotionless way you can.



Add a cup of water to drink after he brushes his teeth and make sure he uses the potty before putting his head to the pillow.



Put up a gate.



He's doing these things because it causes a reaction out of you. Stop reacting (especially out of frustration) and the negative behaviours will stop.



Then don't take it anymore. Set the schedule, be firm, and don't react. If he's getting out of bed and bouncing around, give him 5 minutes. If he doesn't, go in there without emotion and pick him up and put him in bed. Say firmly "It's bedtime." Works wonders for my little girl.



Then you definitely need to get your emotions in check. All the frustrations you are experiencing are being passed to your child - and you don't have long before the child comes. If your husband doesn't exhibit the same frustration as you, then that would be why your son is reacting better to him.



> Comes into my bed
> I go to couch

So, while you want the behaviour to stop, you're still feeding into it. If he comes into your bed, you pick him up and put him in bed.

Yes.

He will scream, shout, and wake everybody up. However, you're caving when he does this. What lesson has your son learned?

"If I scream and shout loud enough, mommy will cave into my every wants."



> Over a year
> 9 months pregnant

You addressed this, but at least this tells us that his actions have nothing to do with the pregnancy.



Then step up and be firm. Stick to what you say and what you want him to be doing. If it's bed time, he will remain in his room and not throw a tantrum.



Watch some episodes of Super Nanny. Watch exactly how JoJo handles the children and how her methods work. From her posture to her expressions to the very inflections of her voice, she sets herself as an "authority" figure and children react accordingly. You need to learn this, practice it, and keep at it.

He'll scream, cry, shout, fight, and do everything in his power to get a reaction out of you - in the hopes that you'll cave. Don't let him.
Thank you for the suggestions! We've done a lot of those, but again, consistency!

I have a hard head...I just need to use it more!

Thank you for the sound suggestions...really!

A lot of them are reinforcing what I know, and it's what I need to hear!
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Old 01-26-2011, 02:38 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,469,841 times
Reputation: 25990
Well, when all else fails, do what I did...this is a last resort...I just turned off all the lights, except one in the den, left on the t.v., with the Barney video, and went to bed. What more could I do? I was beat exhausted, it was 10:30, and my son still had all this energy. He was also 3 at the time...I got up later, he was asleep, the tv was still on...was I a bad parent? No, the doors were all locked, with chains, too high for him to reach, he could not get out of the house...he was fine, and fell asleep watching tv.
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Old 01-26-2011, 02:38 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,346,221 times
Reputation: 32238
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazymomof3 View Post
My husband has laid down with him and it's amazing that works like it does! He does fall asleep pretty easily.
Bingo.

He's getting a reward for throwing a tantrum. He get to sleep with Daddy! (I'll bet he loves Daddy to pieces.)

So now you decide. Do you want your husband and your son sleeping together in another room? Do you want to bring your son into YOUR bed? (Co-sleep?) Or do you want your son sleeping in his room while you and your husband sleep in your bed as a couple?
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Old 01-26-2011, 02:45 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 9,245,562 times
Reputation: 3177
I'm surprised no one mentioned his emotions over you being pregnant.

I was pregnant w/ #3 w/ a handful of a 2 1/2yr old.

Putting your 3yo in bed w/ you w/ a newborn due any day...probably not the best idea.

Having someone sleep w/ him until he falls asleep...again, may (or may not) run into issues w/ a newborn.

I'm more of the tough love when tough love is needed sort of mom. When they are sick or other sporadic issues, I give them all the TLC then some.

But as someone mentioned, "Good night". No other words are needed. You do it softly. You keep doing it. It may take a few hrs every night but he will get the idea; the idea being there is a bedtime & as loving parents, you are helping him learn that healthy procedure.

Lots of great advice on here. Hope something works.

We'd all love to be consistent all the time. Don't beat yourself up over it.
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Old 01-26-2011, 02:48 PM
 
Location: Boerne area
706 posts, read 1,477,567 times
Reputation: 858
So try what worked in the past. Since you are so close to delivery, maybe Daddy tries the supernanny thing. But the key here is to do that, and only that, (that being whatever you try to fix the problem - I'm assuming it will be the supernanny thing since it worked before) anyway, do the intervention exactly the same way for at least three weeks.

This is where the consistency thing comes in - try something for three weeks without changing anything. If he gets worse, that probably means it is working! A lot of times behavior gets worse before it gets better, and since this has worked for him in the past (a big enough fit = giving in) he WILL get worse. Keep it the same. 3 weeks.
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Old 01-26-2011, 02:57 PM
 
Location: New York City
2,814 posts, read 5,859,849 times
Reputation: 3142
Is he getting enough physical exercise during the day?

Is he acting out since you became pregnant? Maybe you haven't been as emotionally available as you had been.
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