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Old 01-29-2011, 01:31 PM
 
90 posts, read 197,346 times
Reputation: 124

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ADVentive View Post
I understand that you think that he *should* be able to sleep independently and that there is nothing wrong with sleep training. I am just saying that I disagree with that conclusion. I know that many people do sleep train successfully, but I don't think it is something that a baby *should* be able to do. It goes against everything in their instincts, which tell them to stay close to their parent/caregiver for safety. The baby doesn't know that he is safe from predators in his crib in his modern house. For all he knows, a lion is about to eat him and he needs to alert his caregiver to his location before that happens. Not literally of course, I'm just saying, there is an instinctual, biological reason why babies want to be held close and sleep better with a parent, and that to say that a baby of that age *should* sleep independently flies in the face of this biological instinct. It's not that independent sleeping and "self-soothing" will never come, it is just that they do not need to be priorities at this age. You are ascribing to this baby the intention to manipulate you by crying, and I just don't agree that that's what it's all about. I am just trying to say that there are other ways of looking at it besides the outlook you have, and that this sleep training really doesn't have to be such a struggle right now. You are saying you have X problem, how can you solve it. I am saying, X really doesn't have to be viewed as a problem at all and it's totally typical. You may have a ton of research supporting independent sleeping, but there is also a ton of research on the other side too. It's only a problem because you see it that way. That's what I'm saying.

The reason that I said that you don't need to be the one to push sleep training, is because you already said that his parents co-sleep and his last nanny rocked him. So it sounds to me like you are the one coming in with the goal of sleep training. Maybe the parents are going along with it because it's what you want as the caregiver, but I got the feeling that they were not the ones initiating this process.

I couldn't agree with you more.

There is NOTHING independent about a 1 year old baby. Forced "independence" does not make a baby independent; it just forces them to soothe themselves. True independence is a choice. An infant needs the security of their needs being met. Needs vary greatly among infants.

I say let the child develop independence on their own schedule. My daughter was the most dependent infant I have ever known. She wanted to be held constantly, slept with me, and always wanted to be in the company of someone. Gradually she shifted and by her third birthday she was the most independent child I have ever met. She is also one of the most confident people I know. She assumes the best in people and rarely feels slighted by others.

I suffer from insomnia. It is horrible. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. There is no way I was going to make sleep a negative experience for my daughter. I never let her cry it out. My husband or I were always there for her.

I think you should try something else. The child obviously is not ready.
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Old 01-30-2011, 09:03 AM
 
Location: Chicago's burbs
1,013 posts, read 4,062,066 times
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I know people who follow AP believe that a child should not sleep alone in their room (until they are old enough to decide for themselves that they want to) and believe it causes harm to teach a baby to sleep in their room, I just don't agree. I know way too many healthy, well adjusted adults and children who were raised sleeping in their own rooms from infancy to believe this. (Myself included.) I also don't think there is anything wrong with cosleeping if that's what works for a particular family, but the reality is its not going to be right for every family. I think the problem in this particular situation is that the baby is cosleeping at night, and sleeping in his crib for naps during the day. I think a decision has to be made - either the baby is going to sleep in his parents bed all the time or sleep in his crib all the time, and then both the nanny and the parents need to be consistent about it. I think doing both is confusing the child, hence the difficulty. JMO.
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Old 01-30-2011, 10:30 AM
 
90 posts, read 197,346 times
Reputation: 124
Quote:
Originally Posted by sbd78 View Post
I know people who follow AP believe that a child should not sleep alone in their room (until they are old enough to decide for themselves that they want to) and believe it causes harm to teach a baby to sleep in their room, I just don't agree. I know way too many healthy, well adjusted adults and children who were raised sleeping in their own rooms from infancy to believe this. (Myself included.)
I agree that is it fine if a baby sleeps in a crib or in their parent's room. I think infants have unique needs. Some babies sleep fine in a crib, others want or need the comfort of their caregiver.

I do not agree with leaving a baby to cry alone. I don't think you can know what goes on in an infant's mind. I think building security is important.

My daughter was a very clingy infant. She had an undiagnosed medical issue which required surgery. We had no idea. So many people told me I was spoiling her by holding her and co-sleeping. Well, it turned out she knew what she needed and I am glad I obliged.

My pediatrician told me babies' systems mature "9 months in, 9 months out." For many babies, their systems are not fully developed at birth. They continue to form over the first year. He said some congenital issues heal over this 9 month time period without medical intervention.
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Old 01-30-2011, 11:33 AM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
675 posts, read 4,129,926 times
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Thanks for the input everyone. I definitely don't want this to be something I am pushing on him if there are reasons I shouldn't be. It's just that most babies I've taken care of have had no problem at this age, mainly because their parents trained them earlier on. The one I'm taking care of now was able to take naps with his dad for his first 6 months, and the parents even told me they spoiled him (their words, not mine!). I think that is why he doesn't like the crib. However, like I mentioned, he has come a long way. A couple of weeks ago, he wouldn't have any of it! Now he will totally settle down, has fallen asleep in a short time on various occasions...he just wakes up after not too long.

On Friday I went back to the method I started with--putting him in the crib, patting his back, singing to him, etc. Then after a few minutes I left. He settled down pretty quickly but there was still some wimpering, so I went back in after 3 minutes and continued to rub his back. I left for five minutes and came back, did the same thing (sometimes I like to massage his hands because he will rub his eyes and I feel like it keeps him awake if he does it too much). He fell asleep that time, and continued to have a two hour nap. This was also the first time he woke up without crying (I knew he was up because I am in the room next door and keep a monitor with me--I can even hear him breathing!). I used the tip from above about sleeping on his tummy. I usually put him on his back, but it seems like he slept better (longer) that way.

Because I can hear him so well through the monitor, I know that many times he has settled down and played with the couple of toys he has in there. I think it's good for him to know he can do that on his own and be okay...but there's no way for him to learn that if I don't let him alone in there for a little while. He very well may think a monster is going to come and get him--but like I said, after a while, he will learn that isn't true and know how to soothe himself instead...I don't see how that is a bad thing.

Like I said, I think he just doesn't like the crib because he has been held during his time of falling asleep for so long. I would totally rock him to sleep each time if I thought it would work, but it no longer does--he wakes up right away. I don't think he has any medical issues, seeing as though he has done this and he's getting better at it. I don't know everything, but he is very normal otherwise as far as his growth and milestones. I guess you could say he's not ready--but I would venture to say that he just doesn't want to be ready--of course not when he'd rather sleep on someone! But I think he's very capable.

I do agree that it is probably confusing for him to sleep with his mom at night. She is breastfeeding him still and that is one of her reasons he sleeps with her. She's weaning him off, but yeah, maybe something to look at changing.

Again, thanks for the tips everyone, even if you don't agree. Doesn't hurt to hear other methods.
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Old 01-30-2011, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Hillsborough
2,825 posts, read 5,953,202 times
Reputation: 2620
Breastfeeding while co-sleeping is a great way to be able to continue nursing after going back to work. You don't have much opportunity to nurse during the day, so you make up for it at night. It also gives you more cuddle time with your little one. It also means that you don't have to pump as much during the day because baby is taking milk at night. I think it's great! I don't night-wean mine until they are at least two years old. With both of mine, I have put them to sleep in their own rooms to sleep independently for the first part of the night, and then we co-sleep together after the first night-waking.
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Old 01-31-2011, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Rock Springs WY
400 posts, read 769,212 times
Reputation: 248
On the nanny show with Jo she was sleep training a little boy with his parents. She had them sit in the room with their back to him for as long as it took for him to fall asleep, and when he would wake before he should they would put him back in the crib if he crawled out and sit in the room with their backs to him again until he fell asleep and then they would leave the room. It took some time but eventually he felt secure falling asleep on his own and would go down without a problem.
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Old 02-01-2011, 08:37 AM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
675 posts, read 4,129,926 times
Reputation: 349
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wyomama2 View Post
On the nanny show with Jo she was sleep training a little boy with his parents. She had them sit in the room with their back to him for as long as it took for him to fall asleep, and when he would wake before he should they would put him back in the crib if he crawled out and sit in the room with their backs to him again until he fell asleep and then they would leave the room. It took some time but eventually he felt secure falling asleep on his own and would go down without a problem.
I totally tried that! I did it for a couple days but he actually seemed to settle down more when I was out--I felt like maybe me sitting there made his will stronger since he could see me?

Anyway I think we've hit a sweet spot--yesterday only about 2 seconds of crying (and that came after ten minutes because he had a poopy diaper) and he fell asleep for 2 hours! Yay!
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Old 02-01-2011, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Rock Springs WY
400 posts, read 769,212 times
Reputation: 248
Awesome!
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