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Old 01-27-2011, 11:19 PM
 
Location: On the Rails in Northern NJ
12,381 posts, read 22,636,067 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stressedCollegeGirl89 View Post
Of course it's normal! I'm still embarrassed by my parents in my early 20's...Mom yells waaayy too much!
Same here , they always do things like dance in the car or sing in the public place.....
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Old 01-28-2011, 03:00 AM
 
6,124 posts, read 5,153,831 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeavingMassachusetts View Post
It is perfectly normal. I was lucky enough to escape it, but it definitely is normal.

My parents used to square dance when I was a kid and they were coming to pick me up at the local skating rink after their dance. They wanted to see what all the fun was about so they came into the rink to get me. In their square dance outfits!!!! It still horrifies me 30 years later. lol. So kudos to you for staying fashionable and looking young

Gotta get the Windex and clean the coffee off my screen. LMAO !!!!
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Old 01-28-2011, 03:39 AM
 
6,124 posts, read 5,153,831 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by suedonym View Post
of course its normal.

in 10 years you might have a person again.

dont take it personally, otherwise youre seriously gonna need a shrink shortly LOL

remember YOU are the parent and while she can be 'embarrassed' all she wants- disrespect is NEVER allowed in my house. Her little comment at the ice rink would have landed my daughter in serious caca ....

Agree with sue. Public (or otherwise) disrespect is uncalled for, but the attitude at this particular age is the norm.

At sleepovers, I'd promise my daughter I'd stay "invisible", but her friends would seek me out to give them "makeovers". The teeny bopper makeovers got to be a big thing at all the sleepovers at my house. I'd ask the ladies, "How old do you want to look, 16, 18, or 21?" I'd get out the mousse, hairspray, electric rollers, curling iron, etc., and the AZIZA duo crayons (remember those)? You used to be able to get them for $1.00. They were two colors in one crayon, eyes on one end and cheeks/lips on the other. I had dozens of those things, in all colors, and the girls loved them. The rule was - they could not leave the house looking like that (I think they would have liked to walk downtown and cruise Main Street). You have to remember, this was LONG BEFORE picture phones, You Tube, posting on Face Book, etc. It was harmless fun, like playing dress up. The fact that they liked me so much made my daughter start (grudgingly) to admit I wasn't such an embarrassment.

Anyway, they outgrow it. You'll have your best bud back before you know it. My above mentioned daughter (who is now 25) recently wanted to "change her look" and asked me to go with her to the hairdresser to help her choose a color and cut. I even talked her into getting her eyebrows waxed. We had a great time.
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Old 01-28-2011, 03:55 AM
 
Location: Chicago
38,691 posts, read 86,838,061 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
Agree that it's normal and agree that it was rude behavior. But my first response would not be to punish. Rather, it would be to talk to her and tell her that what she said and did hurt my feelings. Something along the lines of, "I know you're growing up and going through a lot of changes, but I'm still your mom and I love you very much. When you treat me like that it makes me feel sad and angry."
Do you really want to put your tween on notice that they have this much power over your emotional state? I sure as hell wouldn't. A big chunk of your credibility as an authority figure flies right out the window.
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Old 01-28-2011, 04:26 AM
 
Location: Ohio
2,178 posts, read 7,802,845 times
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She is going through a stage that most if not all kids her age go through.
It is about the time hormones, body changes, etc, etc, start taking place.
It is new and different and with all of this comes the feeling of transition from kid to adolescent.
They want to test the waters. They want more freedom and less control. They are at the first stage of exploring new horizons in their minds.
Don't take it personal, but don't accept any disrespect either.
Sometimes parents have to love their kids enough that the kids think they hate them.
I felt that way about my parents at times during my tween and teen years.
My 6 kids thought they hated me at times during those years.
But it was a phase for me and them also.
Eventualy they figure out it was all because we care about them.
My parents were old school and I guess I was too.
Be a parent first and the friendship will come later. And it did in both cases with me and my parents and me and my kids.
My kids always knew I loved and cared about them. But they always knew who was in charge and what was acceptable.
If they crossed the line they lost some privileges. That's just the way it worked.
Now my kids have tweens and teens and are going through the same thing. Now they understand what they put me and Mom through because they are experiencing the same thing we did.
Karma? lol
I heard an old saying one time "grandkids are the blessing we get because we didn't kill our own kids when they were teenagers". LOL
Your daughter is normal. It's a part of life.
But I'm glad I don't have to do it again.
Your daughter will be fine if you will be a parent first.
Parents who let kids do anything they want and get their way so they can be friends are the ones who really have problems.
The next few years will be a challenge. But if you let her know you are in charge and there are bounderies, she will be ok.
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Old 01-28-2011, 05:50 AM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,724,832 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fallingwater View Post
Yep normal. I also think it is normal that you are taking the brunt of it because you are the mom and she is the daughter. I noticed my son gives my husband a harder time about the embarrassment thing vs me. I agree with others have a talk with her that even though you are a parent, you still have feelings. Teenagers seem to forget this aspect. Sometimes the talk is more effective if the other parent has this conversation. If I see my son giving my husband a hard time, it seems to work out better if I have the talk with my son about it. My son is 14 and our "new" adventure is he confessed he is feeling a bit odd because most of his friends seem to really dislike their parents where although his dad and I get on his nerves, he doesn't feel like he dislikes us. So when all his buddies are complaining how horrible their parents are, he has nothing to contribute. ya...the teenagers years. Joy.
I hope the OP can take some solace in the fact that I am finding the later teen years to be easier than the early teen years. Like you my son (14) has confessed to me that although he finds my husband and I "lame" sometimes that he loves us and doesn't understand why so many of his friends complain about their parents.

My older son (almost 17) has come full circle. Now that he is trying to navigate the college admissions world on his own he has confessed to me that he is glad that he is close with us and that he can depend on us to give him advice and help him sort things out.

My 11 yo has not been as rude as the OPs daughter but he definitely tries to put some distance between himself and us when he is in social situations. He will come back.
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Old 01-28-2011, 06:04 AM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,724,832 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kahskye View Post
I wouldn't want my 11 yr old child hanging around 11th-12th graders, but that's JMO.
People say things like this a lot and I never really understood this. My 11 year old has a brother in 9th grade and another in 11th grade. He is around high school kids all the time. What do you fear from social interaction between middle/high school kids at a church social function? Don't you want your middle school kids to be around kids a little older who can be good role models?

What do you think the HS kids are going to do, whip out the liquor and start having sex in front of the younger kids? Most teens who go on youth group social trips are good kids who will provide a positive role model to the younger ones.

Would you disapprove of a HS kid coaching your young athlete or a HS kid helping out the middle school music teacher with the younger kids? I think my 11 year old has a crush on the HS bass player who helps the middle school bass players with their music.

I think parents should be careful about totally isolating their middle school kids from older kids. I'll bet that most of the older kids at the roller rink would have told the OPs daughter to be nicer to her mom. I have certainly heard my older son tell his youth football players (11-12 year olds) to be more respectful of their parents when he has heard them mouth off......

Just some stuff to think about.
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Old 01-28-2011, 06:34 AM
 
Location: maryland
3,967 posts, read 5,676,821 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeavingMassachusetts View Post
It is perfectly normal. I was lucky enough to escape it, but it definitely is normal.

My parents used to square dance when I was a kid and they were coming to pick me up at the local skating rink after their dance. They wanted to see what all the fun was about so they came into the rink to get me. In their square dance outfits!!!! It still horrifies me 30 years later. lol. So kudos to you for staying fashionable and looking young

how is the therapy going for that btw?
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Old 01-28-2011, 06:49 AM
 
Location: maryland
3,967 posts, read 5,676,821 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kahskye View Post
Personally, I think the church youth group should have separate activities for middle school and high school. If your 11 yr old is doing everything the high school kids are doing now, what's for her to look forward to in 5 yrs? I wouldn't want my 11 yr old child hanging around 11th-12th graders, but that's JMO.

I also wouldn't want my 11 yr old waiting outside for me. With all the abductions going on, I'd want her to wait in the lobby until she saw my car. I would think the church youth leaders wouldn't allow children as young as 11 to leave the building. I was a chaperone many times for my daughter's activities and I felt responsible for all the children assigned to me and kept them in my sight until they were released to their parents. My daughter was use to having me as a chaperone. I never hung around her, but she never ignored me either.

Your daughter's rudeness would never have been acceptable to me. That was total disrespect. I'd be having a heart to heart talk w/ her about the meaning of apathy and empathy for others, especially her mother. Maybe some think this is normal, but I don't. The best way I handle my daughter being disrepectful is letting her know just how hurtful she was to me. She's still young, just shy of 15 but is really trying to control her words. I've told her many times, once those hurtful words are out there, you can't take them back. Sure you can apologize, but you can't erase what you said.

The next time your daughter needs you to take her somewhere, remind her how you embarrass her. I'd start w/ the upcoming school dance. If she is so embarrassed by you or your husband, she doesn't need to be going to this dance. I think 11 is too young for dances anyways, but again that's JMO. Get her more comfortable around you and her friends by having a movie night or slumber party. The dances can wait.

The likely hood of abduction is very slim...and actually less than it was 30 years ago. And according to my ex husband, that it's more likely for a child to be abducted walking home by themselves then in the method you described.
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Old 01-28-2011, 06:51 AM
 
Location: maryland
3,967 posts, read 5,676,821 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
do most 11 year old girls at her school wear makeup? Or is this for the dance? I almost choked when I read that.

Most girls in middle school begin to start makeup...i don't think they do much more than the basic lip gloss though until they are a bit older.
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