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Old 02-10-2011, 06:02 AM
 
Location: Durham
1,710 posts, read 2,100,642 times
Reputation: 1735

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That dad is insane. Yes, boys & some girls do a certain amount of rough play. It's 1 thing if done by kids to each other who like it & all give & take, no problem with that. When done to the kid that doesn't like it or can't do it back, rough play becomes bullying. If a kid is physically unable to fight back, parents must go to school officials, the other parents and/or the police. If my child is being abused, I will do what it takes, up to & including pulling the other kid off if I witness the event.

The father in Florida who got in trouble for boarding the school bus to protect his child did nothing wrong. More parents should do this very thing if that's what it takes.
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Old 02-10-2011, 11:08 AM
 
15,290 posts, read 16,839,007 times
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Rough play is different from bullying. Boys do play roughly and physically and this is not all bad. It is partly what their bodies and brains are programmed to do.

Why Boys Need Rough-and-Tumble Play

Quote:
Psychologist Steve Biddulph, author of Raising Boys, mentions several differences between the genders that suggest why rough-and-tumble play is necessary in the development of male children. Biologically, at around age four, boys experience an upward spike in testosterone levels for around a year. During this time they become interested in "action, heroics, adventures and vigorous play" and will thus need to be taught how to keep their sudden outpouring of playful aggression within the limits of fun.
Quote:
The difference between aggression and rough play in young children emerges in the fine and often-crossed line between play fighting and real fighting. Greg Uba, a former pre-kindergarten teacher and contributor to the website for the southern California childcare TV series A Place of Our Own, explains that the difference between the two types of fighting is something he can feel more than see: "Kids aren't always smiling during rough and tumble play–sometimes they're working hard to demonstrate their ability to be competent–but generally, it's in the spirit of play. Aggression has a spirit of dominating and intimidation."
In general, when I worked at the YMCA preschools, we encouraged rough and tumble *within* rules. When I had a class that was almost all boys, we brought in a high school wrestler to teach wrestling. Then we allowed wrestling on the gym mats with only two children at a time and with a teacher watching for signs that it was getting too rough and stopping it when it did. The boys learned how to use their bodies without hurting each other.

Another thing to understand is that superhero play actually allows both boys and girls to sort out power issues. They need to feel powerful and strong and to feel like they can cope with aggression.
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Old 02-10-2011, 01:17 PM
 
2,726 posts, read 4,364,853 times
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"She is such a bully."

A mother said this with a sigh after her two year old daughter pushed through two other toddlers. I know that this family would not tolerate "bullying" in the sense that is discussed in the media. However, she also seems to mistake this for assertiveness. For example, she always takes my daughter's belongings but as soon as my daughter reaches out her hand, the other little girl will scream in her face "Nooooo!"
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Old 02-10-2011, 02:02 PM
 
Location: Happy in Utah
1,224 posts, read 2,941,317 times
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Try having a 2yrold smack your 2yrold in the face and mom does not even say sorry or we do not do that she just walks off with the child.
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Old 02-10-2011, 02:56 PM
 
2,726 posts, read 4,364,853 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by michelleleigh View Post
Try having a 2yrold smack your 2yrold in the face and mom does not even say sorry or we do not do that she just walks off with the child.
I no longer expect anything from the other parent. If a child hits my child or pushes her, I instruct my daughter to tell the other child, "NO!" in a very firm voice. Right now she says it weakly and sometimes just weakly shakes her finger at them but at least she knows she can say, "No."
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Old 02-10-2011, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Durham
1,710 posts, read 2,100,642 times
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So this has happened more than once? Same brat or different ones? I'd have to tell my kid to "return fire". Such things now can set her up for a lifetime of cowering.
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Old 02-10-2011, 07:25 PM
 
Location: Durham
1,710 posts, read 2,100,642 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lhpartridge View Post
Mississippi, 1960s and 70s.
I'm sure you saw plenty of ugly stuff there. I saw a lot of garbage in eastern NC but I'm sure it paled in comparison with MS. Do you still live there? I gather from your earlier post that you were on the short end?
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Old 02-10-2011, 07:26 PM
 
34 posts, read 54,163 times
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Parents are the problem. Their kid can do no wrong, or they just don't know it's going on. Kids are sneaky and will shine in front of the parents, but will turn into devils at school, facebook, etc.
Parents, grow up! Raise your kids! Know that there's a little devil in ALL children, even yours.
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Old 02-10-2011, 07:39 PM
 
Location: Durham
1,710 posts, read 2,100,642 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StilltheSame View Post
Exactly the mindset of my insane neighbors and their out of control son. He plays sports and according to them is a "leader." Uh huh. I have a kid I have to practice to be assertive and respond in an assertive way - even his teacher told me its what we need to work on. Great.

As for the dad not raising girlie men - good for him - it will probably serve them well in prison.
Some dads & others don't get it, that a boy can be all boy, rough & tumble, not a "girlie" bone in him & still not be a little thug. Those same dads don't want a man next door punching on them, or the older teen down the block punching his kid just for practice. A kid can rough it up with those who like it & leave other kids alone. Nothing sissy about that.
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Old 02-10-2011, 08:03 PM
 
2,726 posts, read 4,364,853 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jmellc View Post
So this has happened more than once? Same brat or different ones? I'd have to tell my kid to "return fire". Such things now can set her up for a lifetime of cowering.
Not sure who this post is for...

This has happened more than once with the same child and with others we had never met before. My daughter does cower and they sense it and most are only toddlers.

This has happened with three (two boys and one girl) different children on three different occasions. My daughter picked up a random toy at a playground, the owner came after her for it, my daughter threw it in their direction because of past experience. Now the child has his/her toy in his arms but he STILL comes up to my daughter and shoves her. Later, the children will run after and scream at my daughter because they know she is afraid.

Lately, she has been repeating "push me" even at home and she will touch her chest. I tell her, "That was mean. You say, "No!" I do not want her to think she is a victim.

I had enough the last time with this whole "let the children figure it out" and got down to my daughter's level and instructed her to say, "No!" making sure the other child heard me. He backed off but I never said it directly to him.

Once I told my daughter to get her toy back from another child and a woman told me I was teaching her how to be passive aggressive. I don't care anymore. I will tell my daughter to get her toy back if it has been snatched from her. If I see an attempt to snatch her toy, I will instruct her to say "No!." It doesn't mean she will do it, but I will tell her she can do it. At this point, sharing is over-rated.

I love how one dad told his daughter to return my DD's toy after she snatched it again. "Now, say "please."" Of course, my daughter gives it to her. Father then says "See. If you are nice, she will give you the toys." Next time, I will tell my daughter that she can say, "No."

Last edited by crisan; 02-10-2011 at 08:29 PM..
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