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Old 07-20-2007, 06:09 PM
16,487 posts, read 19,864,935 times
Reputation: 16117


As I mentioned my sister chose to not have children. She married a man who would have loved children and would have been a wonderful father, but he knew when he married her how she felt. I respect people that know their own desires and boundaries and choose to not have children based on that. Part of the reason we have so many abused and neglected children in our fostercare systems and up for adoption are women that simply were not prepared to have children, whether it is emotionally, financially, physically or a combination of those.

Old 07-24-2007, 10:22 AM
Location: TAMPA
45 posts, read 184,562 times
Reputation: 38
[quote=CityGirl72;1101756].I adore my son. But he was an accident. I would not give him up for anything - just as I bet your friend would not give
up her kids.

Old 07-24-2007, 05:56 PM
358 posts, read 826,936 times
Reputation: 130
Originally Posted by leavingcali View Post
Lately, many people I know who are parents have been telling my husband and I, and anyone else who is thinking about having children, not to.

I would never trust the opinion of someone who tells you how to make such a deeply personal decision! It doesn't matter which opinion they have. We're all different. For some people, having children is the absolute best choice they've ever made. For others, not having children is the absolute best choice they've ever made.

For those who choose not to have kids, they'll come equipped with hundreds of reasons why you shouldn't and examples of couples who regretted the decision.

For those who choose to have kids, they'll come equipped with hundreds of reasons why you should have children and examples of couple who regretted not having them.

I'm not being politically correct at all. But it's absolutely impossible for others to know what is best for you. Never be pressured into having children. And never be pressured into thinking you'll be empty without them.

I have four children and a very wonderful, solid marriage. The decision for me was to have children. Your mileage may vary.
Old 07-25-2007, 04:26 AM
Location: on an island
13,367 posts, read 39,646,649 times
Reputation: 13161
Originally Posted by Ilovejazz View Post
I would never trust the opinion of someone who tells you how to make such a deeply personal decision!
Yes, I certainly agree.
Nobody should feel pressured to eschew parenthood, or embrace it.
It is a private, personal choice.

But from the start of this thread, as well as the title "Over-rated" (as if you can grade your parenting or non-parenting experience, A, B, C--or maybe you flunk it) Leavingcali's own decision was fairly abstract.

I think Leavingcali was simply looking for some honest impressions from other posters, and the replies have certainly been varied, and very interesting.
Old 07-29-2007, 11:50 AM
335 posts, read 1,080,733 times
Reputation: 238
Default I look at my kids as insurance

I have 5 and I am playing the odds that after changing all those diapers.....SOMEONE WILL STICK AROUND TO CHANGE MINE. I know it's a gamble and they do break alot of stuff and eat all my food, but I figure it is diaper insurance. Thats how I look at it so I don't jump in the river. It helps....sometimes!!!

Old 07-29-2007, 10:23 PM
Location: Far Western KY
1,833 posts, read 5,676,940 times
Reputation: 838
Having kids is the biggest pain in the behind you'll love. nothing like see kid discover something for the first time.
Old 07-30-2007, 10:49 PM
Location: pittsburgh
325 posts, read 963,209 times
Reputation: 142
I am a single mom and my I know that I couldnt function without my child. I was very immature prior to my son being born and I can honestly say that having him was the best thing that ever happend to me. Has it been easy. No!!! There are a million things that I have learned about parenthood over the past four years that no one ever told me. Who knows that diapers are outrageous, some kids are allergic to regular similac and the soy formula that is required costs 3.50 per can, and daycare is over 600 per month, andif your kid a cough and a fever the robitussun is 7 bucks and the motrin is at least six.
My son has a history of severe respitory problems including asthma among other things. I have spent at least 6 weeks a year in the hosptial with my son over the last three years and probably 30 additional nights in the ER. I have to give my son 2 breathing treatments twice a day and three other oral medications. I cant tell you how many nights I have cried myself to sleep wondering if my son was going to die and this being said I would never trade the kid in for anything. I would not change a thing given the chance.
My son is spoiled rotten and thats all my fault but I have no problem with it. I admit that all of my extra money goes to his 60 dollar Jordans and his 30 dollar fitted baseball caps. He enjoys eating out weekly and I oblige. One of his favorite places is Red Lobster where he orders the adult portion of the Alaskan King Crab Legs which is a 28 dollar entree.
I dont have much money to buy myself new clothes or a new handbag but I am content with a subscription to Club Pogo, Soap Digest, and Dell's Logic Magazines. I started out as a selfish woman in my early twenties and I have turned out to be a mature woman in my late twenties that is willing to give anything for my 4 yr old bundle of joy.
Old 07-30-2007, 11:38 PM
800 posts, read 2,862,549 times
Reputation: 668
Well, I decided not to have kids and I'm responding to this thread. The fact that this thread is under a forum called Parenting suggests that the vast majority of responses here are going to be from people who are parents. I found this posting simply because it had been cross-posted to the 'Wine-Sipping International Traveler's forum. (just kidding )

But seriously, a lot of people including myself have decided not to have children. There are many other things I would rather do, including a lot of volunteer work in my community. I have always been a 'going out into the world' kind of person versus a domestic 'center everything around my immediate home' type. While some people are spending most of their time taking care of just 3-4 people in their immediate related family, I'm involved in activities that help positively impact a larger number of people in my community (most of whom I don't know and who I am not related to). From that perspective... now who would sound more selfish?

And I do enjoy sipping wine and exploring other countries. I have no apologies about it. Many of my friends feel the same way. There is nothing selfish about not wanting to have children. Some people prefer to give in other ways. The only selfishness I can see is if someone has children and then does not take care of them.

Originally Posted by leavingcali View Post
Thank you all for sharing.

I wonder how people who decided not to have children would respond to this thread. Are they happy? Do they have any regrets? Do they wonder what life would be like with children? Or, are they too busy enjoying their lives, sipping wine, exploring other countries, and working on their career?
Old 07-31-2007, 01:07 AM
Location: from houstoner to bostoner to new yorker to new jerseyite ;)
4,085 posts, read 11,083,108 times
Reputation: 1924
I haven't read any replies, but I don't think having children is overrated or underrated. It's our society, not kids, that complicates life for those choosing to have them. I think one reason it seems harder to have a kid these days is because with increased wealth, technological advances (birth control), and the ability to make choices like our parents never had, more people are choosing to remain child-free while those who become parents often go live in the suburbs. At that point they are expected to stop being people and start being parents and that's where the problems begin. It's just such an artificial and unnecessary separation, in my mind. Who decided suburban living was best for kids? And even if it is, is it best for the parents? I know SO many people who seem miserable in the suburbs, their lives utterly boring, predictable, monotonous. But there's that societal pressure to provide the best for children in the safest, most child-friendly environment one can afford and that's often the suburbs. Then comes the isolation factor. With people moving at the drop of a hat away from the built-in support system of extended family, it can be hard for them as young couples having to segregate themselves into a new identity as parents, leaving them to carve it out for themselves. I wish we could be a bit more like Europe when it comes to child-rearing. Child rearing sensibilities over there seem a little more based on common sense: marriage and family are a natural part of life; doesn't mean the parents have to die as people, like it seems to in the U.S. Here it is really difficult on young couples to sustain a life that isn't all about the kids, which can lead to frustration and marital problems.
Old 07-31-2007, 02:00 AM
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
419 posts, read 1,988,362 times
Reputation: 254
There's nothing more prescious than a child's laughter. Or contact sports. But anyway, I would agree with a lot of people that it depends on the person. What I can tell you is that from personal experience, there will be people you meet who feel that having a child is a terrible idea. They think that the world is such a terrible place now-a-days and that bringing a child up in it is wrong. Needless to say, I hate these people. That being said, you will get a lot of different sides to this debate on whether or not to have children, however the most important thoughts are obviously your own. Go with what feels right.
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