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Old 02-07-2011, 10:44 PM
 
Location: earth?
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It has been a long time since I was a teen and I probably have selective memory about it anyway.

If you have raised teenagers and now have young adults, or if you are a young adult who has matured, how common do you think it is that teens of 17, 18, 19 have really crappy judgment . . . I am talking about common sense things . . .

Like if they get sick, as soon as they get better not eating healthy, not getting enough sleep, etc. That does not seem smart to me.

Or driving a good car into the ground . . .

Or being adversarial and argumentative with adults . . .

Or biting the hand that feeds them (being disrespectful to adults who give them money, etc.)

I would think by the late teen years that lessons have been learned and the acting out would be minimized . . . but with a teen I know, I do not see that.

Also, wonder about life skills of a typical teen in terms of keeping their rooms clean, stuff in order, etc. and managing their time well . . . I don't see this stuff happening either.

Just wondering what your experiences are . . .
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Old 02-08-2011, 05:52 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
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Brains are not fully developed till sometime in the 20's and poor decisions are par for the course for alot of teens. What real adults would consider ridiculous just looks fine for most teens. That is why I laugh at the concept just because someone reaches 18 they are an adult. just not true.
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Old 02-08-2011, 08:08 AM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
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^ Agree.
You can give kids advice all day long but they don't pay attention.
It's like telling a two year old not to touch a hot stove, they just have to touch it anyway to see for themselves if it really is hot. Teens and young adults aren't much different, they have to find out some things for themselves, the hard way.

I also think a part of it is that a lot of young people don't really have the freedom (?) to experiment and make poor choices until they are older and out from under a parents control more. It's a learning process. Plenty of older adults are still learning not to make poor choices too.
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Old 02-08-2011, 08:31 AM
 
Location: Back at home in western Washington!
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Like I tell my husband... they are just large squishy bags of hormones. One step away from stupid.

Of course, this is said with all the love in the world .
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Old 02-08-2011, 08:43 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabinerose View Post
Like I tell my husband... they are just large squishy bags of hormones. One step away from stupid.

Of course, this is said with all the love in the world .
LOL! So true.


My daughter is a freshman in high school. She hangs around a large group of girls. There are a few great kids making some really poor choices right now. I wish I could shake some sense into them. Unfortunately, my daughter is now in the process of trying to put a little distance there. She really likes these girls, but they are so different now that they are in high school. A few are experimenting with alcohol, stealing, and "hooking up." They are doing a lot of damage to their reputations. They think they are having fun! Oh, boy!

It really is sad.
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Old 02-08-2011, 09:48 AM
 
Location: earth?
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What's most frustrating is to see the consequences of poor decisions . . . and wonder why the teen does not draw the same conclusions or seem to learn from making dumb daily decisions.

There does not seem to be recognition that living well results in happiness while not taking care of business and making dumb choices does not.

I don't "get" that.
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Old 02-08-2011, 11:31 AM
 
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My kids are still little, but one of my best friends in the world has one in college and one junior in high school. Both are good kids.

I asked her how she did it, and she said she taught them the value of decision making from when they were very little. She framed everything as "well you chose to do X, so now you have to stand by your decision and live with the consequences". She figured that when they got to be teens, there was no way she could protect them from everything so they would need to have had some practice with the concept.

I remember when her daughter (the one in college) was around 8, she was hanging out with this little girl that was very mean. My friend couldn't stand this kid. I kept asking her why she let her daughter play with the mean girl who treated her like dirt, and she told me that her daughter had to realize for herself it was not worth it, she didn't want to push her. Whenever her daughter would complain she'd say "Well, she's your friend. You picked her." and then change the topic. Eventually, it clicked in her daughter's head and she found a new best friend.

Anyway, in answer to the question... maybe its that they never had practice doing it before? For a lot of kids their teens is the first time they even have the opportunity to really make decisions on their own without a parent managing it for them. Its the first time they realize a parent can't control everything. So they make their mistakes at that time.

Or it could be that my friend got really lucky. Hahaha
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Old 02-08-2011, 11:59 AM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,319,241 times
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Couple of things I don't understand:

My kids were total unconscious knuckleheads at times, but "driving a good car into the ground"? No. That doesn't fall into the category of "bad judgement". That falls into the category of not appreciating and taking care of things that cost major amounts of money. Didn't happen with my kids no matter how cloudy their brains became. They were taught from toddler-hood that a car was something you took care of.

Same with "biting the hands that feed them". Why on earth would you "give money" to a teenager who is in any way, shape or form disrespectful?
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Old 02-08-2011, 01:02 PM
 
90 posts, read 197,326 times
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Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
What's most frustrating is to see the consequences of poor decisions . . . and wonder why the teen does not draw the same conclusions or seem to learn from making dumb daily decisions.


I wonder why they don't see it, either.

My daughter has two really nice girl friends (good friends, sweet, honor roll, sports, etc) and they are doing some really stupid things. Thankfully, none of the other six or seven girls in the group are following suit. My daughter said they have tried to talk to these girls, but they just won't listen. It's sad because they really are sweet girls. My daughter can't understand why they are doing this stuff.

Why do some good kids get involved with pushing the limits at 14 or 15 years old? It seems kind of young to me.
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Old 02-08-2011, 01:12 PM
 
Location: earth?
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Honestly, I am at a loss to understand why some people in life treat other things and other people poorly. If I knew what was going on in their hearts and minds, I would probably be shocked.

I just try to cope and pray that some day bells will go off . . . It's hard to see people you love make decisions that do not benefit them and worry you.
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