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Old 02-08-2011, 02:00 PM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,711,659 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mia158 View Post
well i can't take kids with us becouse we are not going on places that are suitable for kids. many of hotels have rules that they don't accept kids under 12 yrs.
well i had kids cos i wanted family and i didn't want to be old mom, but i think that it is not so improtnat to take my 3 yr old with me now. i'm not saying that later in life we won't take them with us. but can you really relax with 3 kids under 5 anywhere. it is hectis as it is at home and imagine on airport.

You will never be a good parent unless you shift the focus from YOU to the kids. When you become a parent life ceases to be all about YOU. The kids are not just accessories for YOU.

YOU want to stay at hotels where they do not accept kids. Well guess what? There are loads of hotels that do accept kids. Stay there instead.

YOU wanted kids because YOU wanted a family. YOU had them young because YOU didn't want to be an old mother. It's all about YOU YOU YOU all the time. What about them?

So what if it's hectic at the airport? If you can't handle hectic how do you handle your kids? Kids are hectic. You know what, maybe you can't relax with the kids but the world does not revolve around YOU once you have children. If you do not develop a relationship with them when they are small you will find it much more difficult to develop a relationship with them when they are older. Believe me kids know when they have parents that care more about themselves than the kids.
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Old 02-08-2011, 02:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Not any more than if you showed up physically, but spent all day playing solitaire on the computer.
Well that's not a good argument because being a good employee involves TIME and PERFORMACE. It's not an either or proposition. You can't have performance without putting in a certain amount of time.

Parenting is like that. There is a certain minimum amount of time that you have to put in to be an effective parent, but just putting in that time is not enough. It has to be good time, not just time. But there does have to be some time.
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Old 02-08-2011, 02:08 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,134 posts, read 22,107,592 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Well that's not a good argument because being a good employee involves TIME and PERFORMACE. It's not an either or proposition. You can't have performance without putting in a certain amount of time.

Parenting is like that. There is a certain minimum amount of time that you have to put in to be an effective parent, but just putting in that time is not enough. It has to be good time, not just time. But there does have to be some time.
I'm aware of that, thanks. My point was, that neither extreme is a good example. Most people fall somewhere in between. I was responding to the poster who claimed it was about time..."period" (to use his/her own words). Of course it's not only about time, any more than it's about an hour or two of "quality" time. It's ridiculous to argue in extremes. That WAS my point. Apparently it got missed or I didn't make my point by being just as ridiculous in my response.
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Old 02-08-2011, 02:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I'm aware of that, thanks. My point was, that neither extreme is a good example. Most people fall somewhere in between. I was responding to the poster who claimed it was about time..."period" (to use his/her own words). Of course it's not only about time, any more than it's about an hour or two of "quality" time. It's ridiculous to argue in extremes. That WAS my point. Apparently it got missed or I didn't make my point by being just as ridiculous in my response.
I did not say parenting is *about* time, I said it *involves* time. And it does.

Big difference.


Any job done well requires a certain amount of time and effort.
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Old 02-08-2011, 02:39 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,958,716 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I'm aware of that, thanks. My point was, that neither extreme is a good example. Most people fall somewhere in between. I was responding to the poster who claimed it was about time..."period" (to use his/her own words). Of course it's not only about time, any more than it's about an hour or two of "quality" time. It's ridiculous to argue in extremes. That WAS my point. Apparently it got missed or I didn't make my point by being just as ridiculous in my response.
I don't think constant quality interaction overrides quantity of time. It's important for parents to be there WHEN their children need them. Sometimes parents who focus on quality fail to realize that quantity allows a parent to be available when it counts most.

Here's an example: If children are playing outside in the neighborhood with friends, a "quality-time" parent might feel their presence at home isn't important---that a sitter is just as good because the children are outside playing with friends. But a "quantity-time" parent is there the moment the child walks in the door needing the parent to help with a problem.

In part, quantity doesn't matter on it's own, but most "quantity-time" parents have more quality time with their children than people realize. A "quantity-time" parent might be busy at home doing other things without the children, but most tend to stop what they are doing when the children need them. Those moments can't be scheduled into the "quality-time" calendar.

IMO, quality time isn't about playing catch in the yard. To me, quality time is about being there and having meaningful interactions, not merely entertaining children with fun moments. "Quality-time" parents tend to schedule fun into their time with their children via joint parent-child activities (away or at home), but that's only a small part of parenting to me.
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Old 02-08-2011, 02:51 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,134 posts, read 22,107,592 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Toonces07 View Post
I did not say parenting is *about* time, I said it *involves* time. And it does.

Big difference.


Any job done well requires a certain amount of time and effort.
Of course it does. Your work example only addressed the time though...Nothing - not a job, not parenting, nothing worth having/doing, can involve only one or the other. There are times, depending on the job (and the parenting situation) where quality DOES count more than quantity. And there are times when being there is more important - even if what you are actually doing isn't all that big a deal. It is a combination of both. Knowing when those times are and being willing and able to balance that is what is key.

BTW - my responses are not in support of the OP (troll or not) spending 5 hours/week with their child. They are simply addressing those folks who "appear" (in the event I'm misinterpreting) to be all about the quantity - the whole quantity vs quality debate is meaningless without context. That was my only point. A parent who is physically in the house paying no attention to their children, is just as absent as a parent who isn't ever available due to a paying job or other distraction.

Last edited by maciesmom; 02-08-2011 at 03:08 PM..
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Old 02-08-2011, 03:10 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,325,866 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mia158 View Post
many of hotels have rules that they don't accept kids under 12 yrs.
Can you name a couple (?) because I've been rackin' my brain all day trying to think of one hotel I know of that doesn't accept kids under 12. Granted I always looked for the "Kids Eat Free" places but still...

Anybody?
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Old 02-08-2011, 03:27 PM
 
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I spend several hours every day with my kids. I love taking them on vacation and watching them explore and see new things. Children need to bond with their parents. Chances are your children will bond with whoever is spending time with them and is there for them when they scratch their knee or are thirsty. I agree quality time is important but that doesn't mean its ok to neglect them most of the time. You are missing out. Your children will grow up very fast and not have time for you.
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Old 02-08-2011, 03:46 PM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,711,659 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Can you name a couple (?) because I've been rackin' my brain all day trying to think of one hotel I know of that doesn't accept kids under 12. Granted I always looked for the "Kids Eat Free" places but still...

Anybody?
It's more common in Europe than the US. But even in Europe MOST hotels do not have such a restriction.
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Old 02-08-2011, 03:48 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,730,432 times
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I can't even fathom the idea of NOT planning vacations around the kids. I can't imagine the thought process involved where the result is "well we go places that kids can't go." When you have kids, you go where they can go. duh!
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