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Old 02-11-2011, 05:57 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mia158 View Post
hmmm ok- i thought your answers would be something like that. but just to add to someone who said her husband was in boarding school and now he wants different for his kids.
well i don't think boarding school is a punishement- it is a privilege. i'm happy that my parents could give me something like that. i don't see that as something bad.
i suppose we are all different. but i would be mental if i was forced to be stay at home mom- and doing same thing over and over again. i'm not saying that is wrong but just not my thing.
I would have gone mental as a stay at home Mom also. It is still completely neglectful of you to flit all around the world and never spend anytime with your kids.
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Old 02-11-2011, 06:00 AM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,729,031 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mia158 View Post
hmmm ok- i thought your answers would be something like that. but just to add to someone who said her husband was in boarding school and now he wants different for his kids.
well i don't think boarding school is a punishement- it is a privilege. i'm happy that my parents could give me something like that. i don't see that as something bad.
i suppose we are all different. but i would be mental if i was forced to be stay at home mom- and doing same thing over and over again. i'm not saying that is wrong but just not my thing.
And I don't think anyone is saying its wrong for a mother to work. But outside of work you have to spend some time with your kids if you want a relationship with them. You are waiting for them to magically become people, but you do not see your role in making them into people. It doesn't happen without some input from you.

IMO boarding school is for people who don't want to be with their kids. My kids go to a private school and they consider it a privilege to attend private school. But they still need parents as a daily presence in their life.

Many folks on this board cannot relate to having enough money for expensive trips and boarding school. But I can. My husband and I have money to travel and money for a private education for our kids. Right now we have 3 kids in private day school.

We travel extensively with our kids and we have done so since they were little (they are 11, 14, 17). They have been all over the US, to Canada, the Caribbean and South America. We will be going to Europe next month. You CAN change the places you stay to be appropriate for your kids. You can also change the activities that you do while on vacation so that everyone has fun. We have put off Europe because we did not feel that the kids would enjoy a city vacation when they were really little.

Cruises are great for young kids. As are all inclusive resorts. Both allow for parents to spend some time away from the kids to enjoy some adult time as well. Many hotels offer babysitting services. I was never comfortable with these services but my cousin has used them. When my kids were small we took the nanny with us a few times.

If you want a relationship with your kids you have to cultivate one. That takes spending time with them. Otherwise they are just accessories.
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Old 02-11-2011, 06:22 AM
 
11,679 posts, read 21,255,196 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mia158 View Post
hmmm ok- i thought your answers would be something like that. but just to add to someone who said her husband was in boarding school and now he wants different for his kids.
well i don't think boarding school is a punishement- it is a privilege. i'm happy that my parents could give me something like that. i don't see that as something bad.
i suppose we are all different. but i would be mental if i was forced to be stay at home mom- and doing same thing over and over again. i'm not saying that is wrong but just not my thing.

You realize there is a compromise between spending 5 hours a week with your kids and being a SAHM, right? There is absolutely NO reason why you can't spend 10-15 hours a week with them AND still have a demanding career. I know Wall Street finance dads who spend more time with their kids each week than you do- and they're working 70+ hours.

Try this:
30-60 minutes AM every school day- make & eat breakfast together before leaving for work/school. If kids are young, help them with morning routine and have nanny come a little later. If kids are older, get up & get yourself ready by the time they wake up and just hang out with them while they get ready- help a teenage daughter with her makeup or outfits, ask questions about their school lives & friends, etc. Get to know your children!

1 hour each school night- eat dinner as family or at least sit at the table while your kids eat if you eat later with hubby. No TV- iPhones- texting. No nanny/help at dinner. Play with younger kids- a game or go for a walk/short bike ride outside. Help older kids with homework or drive them to practices/ classes. Even just taking your kids to run an errand or two (grocery store, etc) helps them have more input in the family's life- they can pick out their lunch food or get ingredients to make brownies with mom.

Weekend- even if you have an incredibly demanding job, there is NO reason you shouldn't be able to carve out 5 hours on Saturday or Sunday to spend as a family. Cancel your massage. Take a teen daughter shopping with you or to get mani/pedi with you. Watch your kids athletic games or recitals/rehearsals. Go to brunch or a movie as a family- even if you have to pick a more kid friendly or fun place than the Michelin Star restaurat you & hubby would have picked. Take younger kids on a fun outing- to the zoo or the nature museum or to a kid's theatre/puppet performance. You can obviously afford to give your kids a rich life full of experiences, so let nanny have Saturday morning from 8-1 (or whatever if your kids sleep in later) and BE A FAMILY. You still have all day Sunday and half of Saturday to do as you please, but at least you're doubling or tripling the amount of "face time" you currently have eith your kids.
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Old 02-11-2011, 06:27 AM
 
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Forgot that your kids are still young- I know Wall Street dads who work from 8-6, come home from 6-7:30 to eat family dinner & play with kids while they're still awake, then either back to the office or work from home office from 8-midnight.

You may need to adjust YOUR routine to fit into your kids schedules right now. You may need to wake up earlier or go to bed later to squeeze time for them into your work life. But it can absolutely be done if you CHOOSE to do it.
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Old 02-11-2011, 06:34 AM
 
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Why wouldn't you take the bulk of your vacations with your children? I don't get it. I can see an occasional couple's weekend but on every trip...no.
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Old 02-11-2011, 06:55 AM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,729,393 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mia158 View Post
hmmm ok- i thought your answers would be something like that. but just to add to someone who said her husband was in boarding school and now he wants different for his kids.
well i don't think boarding school is a punishement- it is a privilege. i'm happy that my parents could give me something like that. i don't see that as something bad.
i suppose we are all different. but i would be mental if i was forced to be stay at home mom- and doing same thing over and over again. i'm not saying that is wrong but just not my thing.
I think you should send your kids to boarding school, as soon as possible. That way they won't get to see their parents ignoring them on a daily basis, and hopefully if you keep them in the same schools long term they might be able to build some close relationships there that they aren't going to get at home.

If you're not going to pay any attention to them, you might as well do it whole hog and not have them at left behind at home hoping that maybe one day you'll change your mind and take them with you. That kind of neglect will break their hearts, and at least you can do it under the guise of getting them a good education.

If you seriously have to be told that you're not spending enough time with them then I can't see a better option for you - if you don't want to be with them (and you obviously don't) then you might as well get them used to growing up without you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Many folks on this board cannot relate to having enough money for expensive trips and boarding school. But I can. My husband and I have money to travel and money for a private education for our kids. Right now we have 3 kids in private day school.
Actually, many "folks" cannot relate to completely ignoring your children, regardless of how much money you have. I believe the OP would get the same response had she exchanged "expensive trips" for "spending every weekend at our friends' houses getting loaded while grandma babysits".
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Old 02-11-2011, 07:31 AM
 
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"Actually, many "folks" cannot relate to completely ignoring your children, regardless of how much money you have. I believe the OP would get the same response had she exchanged "expensive trips" for "spending every weekend at our friends' houses getting loaded while grandma babysits"."

Actually, leaving the kiddos with grandma IS better than the nanny- at least those kids have ONE decent caring family member rather than the nanny (or series of revolving nannies).

But I get your point- it's not a $$$ issue, it's a heart issue. And OP has a pretty callous heart.
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Old 02-11-2011, 07:34 AM
 
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Sorry one more thing because I'm getting steamed up about this....OP, answer honestly: do you LOVE your children? Really love them? Did you want them or just feel they were the "next step" in life?

If you really don't want them and dont love them, have you considered giving them up for adoption? Wealthy, healthy, white babies are very rare in the US and I'm sure you could easily find a family who is dying to create a warm, fun, loving home for 3 sweet young children. Your kids need the love of a parent (even an adopted parent) more than the money of a biological parent or the "priviledged" life you seem to think will make up for your neglect.
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Old 02-11-2011, 07:46 AM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 7,935,078 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mia158 View Post
hmmm ok- i thought your answers would be something like that. but just to add to someone who said her husband was in boarding school and now he wants different for his kids.
well i don't think boarding school is a punishement- it is a privilege. i'm happy that my parents could give me something like that. i don't see that as something bad.
i suppose we are all different. but i would be mental if i was forced to be stay at home mom- and doing same thing over and over again. i'm not saying that is wrong but just not my thing.
I am really curious exactly what you thought the majority of the replies would be in regards to your post? Did you think you were going to get validation for spending only 5 hours a week with your children?

I don't recall seeing anyone suggest you become a SAHM, I understand that is not everyone's cup of tea but to only carve out 5 hours a week for your 3 children is insane and not very good parenting, IMO. Why even have children if you had no intention of being active in raising them?

I don't think most people think going to a boarding school is a privilege, most feel like they are being shuffled aside because noone has time for them. Going to private school is a privilege.

To say that you can't take your kids on vacation with you because the hotels you stay at do not allow kids is ridiculous, for every hotel that does not allow kids I am sure there are 10 others that do. You can make every excuse there is, but what it comes down to is you don't want to be a parent, not to sure why you had kids. Very sad situation for your kids.
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Old 02-11-2011, 08:13 AM
 
Location: here
24,472 posts, read 28,756,384 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mia158 View Post
hmmm ok- i thought your answers would be something like that. but just to add to someone who said her husband was in boarding school and now he wants different for his kids.
well i don't think boarding school is a punishement- it is a privilege. i'm happy that my parents could give me something like that. i don't see that as something bad.
i suppose we are all different. but i would be mental if i was forced to be stay at home mom- and doing same thing over and over again. i'm not saying that is wrong but just not my thing.
No one (well, at least not I) is saying you need to be a stay at home mom. I am one, and I am going mental! But as a trade off for working such long hours you should at least spend your weekends and vacations with your kids. an occasional date night or weekend away - fine. EVERY vacation - not ok!
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