U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-10-2011, 07:38 AM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 7,937,996 times
Reputation: 3129

Advertisements

After reading a resurrected post in which the OP had lost her mother at a very young age and was now a mother herself, she talked about how much she missed not having a mother to offer advice and to talk to. This made me wonder, for those of you who had a mother around when you became a parent, how much help or how much advice did your Mom give you? What was the most valuable advice you received?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-10-2011, 08:22 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 3,229,321 times
Reputation: 2387
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajzjmsmom View Post
After reading a resurrected post in which the OP had lost her mother at a very young age and was now a mother herself, she talked about how much she missed not having a mother to offer advice and to talk to. This made me wonder, for those of you who had a mother around when you became a parent, how much help or how much advice did your Mom give you? What was the most valuable advice you received?
My mom is very skilled at giving advice without being "bossy." She tends to preface advice with "In my experience..." or "It may be different now....," which I super appreciate because it feels validating rather than judgmental. (My in-laws, well, that's another story! )

The most useful thing my mom has said and still says to me is that when parents are going through a difficult stage with the little ones (be it sleep problems, tantrums, whatever) it feels like the problem is going to last forever while we go through it, but it will pass ("the days are long, but the years are short"). The other valuable general advice she has given me is to trust my instincts as a mother. These may sound trite, but in my experience as a first-time parent, they have really helped bolster my spirits at times when I feel overwhelmed or uncertain.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-10-2011, 09:02 AM
 
Location: NC
1,696 posts, read 3,850,202 times
Reputation: 1852
i would honestly be surprised if my mother even knew my kids middle names.

not that she doesnt care about them (i guess, im giving the benefit of the doubt here), but she certainly never had ANY interest in either of my kids.

but then, seeing as she pawned me off to my grandparents to rear, and her other kids to their dad to rear, that shouldnt come as a surprise.

To add to her lack of caregiving abilities and overall 'unconcern' for anyone other than herself - she moved across the country leaving hubby and i to care for my grandparents (HER parents) alone.

it is what it is, but i can tell you this- it ticks me off when i see parents COMPLAIN that the grandparents buy the kids too much stuff, or spend too much time with them of call or come over too much. They don't know what they have, and certainly don't appreciate it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-10-2011, 10:01 AM
 
Location: here
24,477 posts, read 28,773,973 times
Reputation: 31056
My mom and mother in law give advice, most of it unsolicited. MIL has a way of trying to make it sound like she isn't trying to tell us what to do, but it is a weak attempt. She tells us it is coming from her other daughter, or something like that Mom gives advice, some good, some laughable, some annoying. She means well, but when she tells me I yell too much I can't take it seriously. Where does she think I got it from???
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-10-2011, 10:08 AM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 7,937,996 times
Reputation: 3129
My Mom is a great Mom and Nana, I guess my only complaint is anytime I have asked for advice or how she dealt with something I get the "it was so long ago I don't remember" unfortunately this is not her age speaking because that was her standard reply even when she was younger. On the other hand she has always been great about listening to me, just don't offer any advice except that "it didn't come to stay it will pass."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-10-2011, 10:12 AM
 
14,777 posts, read 34,552,424 times
Reputation: 14279
We are fortunate that we have both sets of our parents. While they don't give advice per se, it is very nice to have other people around who love our kids as much as we do. While our relationship has been strained at times with my parents, we have never questioned their love and concern. We have occasionally asked for advice, but the problem we most often run into is that most of the advice is rather dated at least in terms of taking care of the kids. What has been more beneficial is the example they have both given us of what a real marriage is and the necessity of putting in the effort to make it work.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-10-2011, 10:13 AM
 
3,395 posts, read 3,211,112 times
Reputation: 9262
My mother passed several years ago, and here was her best advise:

"You love your children equally, but you MUST treat them differently"
By this she meant that some kids need more guidance, some need more affection, some more discipline. You have to parent each child individually as they have individual needs. What works with one, won't necessarily work for another.

Also, the instinct thing. When my first son was a baby, I was following the parenting books to the letter. My guy told me he was cranky because he was ready for solid food, but the books said no. Sure enough, she encouraged me to follow my gut and when I gave him some of that disgusting oatmeal, he FINALLY started sleeping through the night.

The last thing I learned from her wasn't so much advise and learning from her example. She never, never, never gave up on us. Even when my sister ran away with a drug dealer, started doing drugs and stripping (and who-knows what else), when she came back my mom welcomed her with open arms and they were best friends from that moment on.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-10-2011, 04:04 PM
 
852 posts, read 1,136,977 times
Reputation: 1042
When I was growing up, my mother always told us, "no one is better than you, and you're not better than anyone else." That was a gift. If she caught us gossiping on the phone, she'd click down the receiver and hand us a broom or some other cleaning implement because if we had time to gossip, we had time to do something useful.

My other favorite mom moment was when my first daughter was four weeks old, and she cried all the time, I called my mother sobbing and asked "when does this stop sucking?" She answered, "in about six weeks." I was so grateful for her at that moment because she actually gave me an answer without judgment. And she was right!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-10-2011, 06:50 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,111 posts, read 3,074,870 times
Reputation: 8651
My mom, thankfully, does not offer advice. My MIL offers unsolicited advice, and usually it's the opposite of what I find reasonable, LOL. She's a great grandma to my kids, but our childrearing opinions are quite different, which is fine... she had her turn with DH, and now it's my turn to mother my own children.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-10-2011, 07:44 PM
 
852 posts, read 1,136,977 times
Reputation: 1042
My mother only offers advice if I ask for it. Her philosophy is that she raised her children, and now it's her children's time to raise theirs. She's really the most wonderful grandmother. She loves my girls for exactly who they are, not who she wants them to be. I am so grateful that we still live near enough to my parents for them to enjoy my children.

My grandmother taught me how to cook a cornish game hen and iron a military crease in a pair of slacks. Both have served me well.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top