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Old 02-11-2011, 03:08 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,492,371 times
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I say, let him just stay home for a year, he had his opportunity away from home, and was unsuccessful, C's and D's are not appropriate, and it does not matter about the LD. Time for him to work at ANY job, 7-11, or just have the opportunity to look for work with the skills he currently has. And look into community college or whatever college you have that is by your home, for him to continue his studies part time, while working. Or consider military as an option.

Note: This was very motivating for one of my son's who was not doing well with his life at all. Once he was told the "gravy train" was over...after a year, he went back to college, finished with a 3.5...in Geology. He spent a year, working at 7-11. That was the best life experience he could have ever had. Sometimes we try to help our kids "too much"...
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Old 02-11-2011, 03:12 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,058,988 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
I am really stressing out over whether or not encourage my son to stick out college. He's a sophomore, living away from home, and has decided he doesn't want to pursue the degree he originally sought. That alone doesn't bother me, but he doesn't know what it is he wants to do instead. He struggles with the math requirements, and after having paid for him to take the same class twice, with the same dismal results, I think it's time to face reality.

My husband feels very strongly that our kids should all have college educations, and is willing to pay for them. We have one graduate and another college freshman. This middle boy has a learning disability, and while smart, doesn't seem up to the demands of college, even with some accommodations. He had a great first semester, lousy second semester, and so-so to start off this year. I did tell him that he needed to show us better results for us to agree to send him back next year, and he says he's taking that to heart. He likes the social life, but admits he hates many of the classes he has to take.

I honestly feel he would be better served by entering a technical program. He is excellent with his hands, likes working with tools, but he tells me he doesn't want a blue collar job, he wants to be a boss. My husband then tells him he needs to finish college for that.

Ideally we could just wait until the spring semester ends, and see how his grades are. But, housing is tight at his school, and we need to make a decision. He wants to live with a couple of friends off campus, but I am reluctant to sign a lease based on his grades and his lack of a major. It's not helping that my husband and I don't agree on this. He thinks I am giving up on this boy, but I'm not. I just don't see the point in investing a lot more money in what appears to be the wrong path.

Comments?
I think its a bad idea to encourage your child to become a quitter. Maybe he needs to refocus, change his degree but don't encourage him to quit.
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Old 02-11-2011, 03:12 PM
 
29,988 posts, read 35,889,753 times
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Suggest getting your son in as much tutoring as possible for the remainder of the semester. Have him come home during Spring break and seriously discuss his options as a family. He may need to be in a much smaller private setting college where he gets more attention from his professors. It may also be helpful for him to take 3-6 credit hrs. of course work every summer so that he can even his course load out a bit so that it doesn't overwhelm him. When he isn't in class or with a tutor he should try to find an on campus job so that his focus is on school rather than hanging with his friends/roommates.

I'd suggest your son stay in on campus housing for as long as he is having difficulties focusing on his studies and setting a goal for his minor/major(s). The more time spent off campus the easier to avoid campus, stop going to classes, etc... .

Just my $0.02

Last edited by lifelongMOgal; 02-11-2011 at 03:50 PM.. Reason: typo
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Old 02-12-2011, 09:36 AM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 7,937,996 times
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I fail to see how allowing her son to take some time off from college equates to being a quitter. Let him take a semester off and work. If he wants to stay then either he brings his grades up to acceptable standards or he can pay his own way through college. If he is not applying himself for whatever reason I would be very hesitant to put my name on a lease so he can live off campus with his friends.

He is definately not the first student to decide to change majors, so I see no big deal with allowing him to change that but if he doesn't know what he wants to major in then you have to decide how long you are willing to pay for his college education while he decides.
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Old 02-12-2011, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Denver area
21,148 posts, read 22,139,461 times
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Exactly.

Vast difference between "quitting" and "reevaluating". Reevaluating may or may not lead to changing directions. Which is also not the same as "quitting".

Last edited by maciesmom; 02-12-2011 at 10:00 AM..
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Old 02-12-2011, 12:03 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 9,248,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
I say, let him just stay home for a year, he had his opportunity away from home, and was unsuccessful, C's and D's are not appropriate, and it does not matter about the LD. Time for him to work at ANY job, 7-11, or just have the opportunity to look for work with the skills he currently has. And look into community college or whatever college you have that is by your home, for him to continue his studies part time, while working. Or consider military as an option.

Note: This was very motivating for one of my son's who was not doing well with his life at all. Once he was told the "gravy train" was over...after a year, he went back to college, finished with a 3.5...in Geology. He spent a year, working at 7-11. That was the best life experience he could have ever had. Sometimes we try to help our kids "too much"...
Sounds like the gravy train is the motivating factor in the OPs child's life. Along w/ knowing mom & dad are completely on different sides....

4yr universities away from home are not for every student.

But neither is dropping out & sitting on the couch for the next yr playing XBox.

IMO, mom & dad need to become a united front & then sit down & have a serious conversation w/ the son. Get in writing what they all plan to do. Hold themselves accountable for what each has said they will do in order to get this kid able to stand on his own two feet, be it a 4yr school, CC or tech school. Even if he doesn't go to school, paying rent, paying bills, being responsible for HIS lifestyle w/ HIS own income.

I remember all too well having no major declared mid junior yr & failing a class along w/ it....my parents came down & it was a 2hr conversation I will never forget. It was either I got my act together in school or I left school, got a full time job, paid all bills needed to survive. I choose the first option. But for some, maybe being held accountable w/ no school pressures is what they do need to get going.

Again, none of the advice on here will mean a thing if the parents cannot be in agreement & the son know his parents are in agreement.
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Old 02-13-2011, 10:32 PM
 
12,932 posts, read 19,824,518 times
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We spent a lot of time talking this over this weekend. Many of the comments brought a point of view that I hadn't considered, such as if he leaves this year, he may never complete his education.

My husband is going to hash it out with him over spring break. His academic love is history, but with the poor chance of finding a teaching job these days, I don't want to encourage him to follow that path unless he understands the lack of prospects he may end up with.

His other great love is cars. He is in a car club at school that designs and builds cars to enter into competitions against other schools. He wanted to build on that with the mechanical engineering degree, but without being able to pass calculus, that isn't happening.

I spoke to my husband about sending him for an aptitude test, and he agrees it may be a wise investment before we shell out another year's tuition. I need to find out if he can do it at school.

Thanks for all the food for thought.
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Old 02-14-2011, 08:01 AM
 
20,793 posts, read 52,433,355 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
We spent a lot of time talking this over this weekend. Many of the comments brought a point of view that I hadn't considered, such as if he leaves this year, he may never complete his education.

My husband is going to hash it out with him over spring break. His academic love is history, but with the poor chance of finding a teaching job these days, I don't want to encourage him to follow that path unless he understands the lack of prospects he may end up with.

His other great love is cars. He is in a car club at school that designs and builds cars to enter into competitions against other schools. He wanted to build on that with the mechanical engineering degree, but without being able to pass calculus, that isn't happening.

I spoke to my husband about sending him for an aptitude test, and he agrees it may be a wise investment before we shell out another year's tuition. I need to find out if he can do it at school.

Thanks for all the food for thought.
Teaching isn't the only thing one can do with a history degree. There are other jobs that people don't consider. Most larger companies employ a company historian, all of the county, state and national parks have historians on staff leading interpretive programs, museums, etc. also employ historians. Our oldest is also a history buff and we have told him that if nothing else, get a minor in history so he can continue to study that and pair that with another field (he is leaning toward human resources right now).

I don't know where you live but there is a degree program at my son's school that sounds like it would be perfect for your son. It is a model design major-I call it grown up legos. There are a couple components to the program but one of them is building models of buildings for concept designs and another is figuring out how to package stuff--say a company builds a machine and needs to figure how how to enclose the working parts of the machine-the model design person would come up with that design (the plastic around an MRI machine, for example).

Have him go to the career center at his school-they have all kinds of career assessment testing he can take for free.
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Old 02-14-2011, 08:21 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,076,504 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
My husband is going to hash it out with him over spring break. His academic love is history, but with the poor chance of finding a teaching job these days, I don't want to encourage him to follow that path unless he understands the lack of prospects he may end up with.
There may be a shortabe in your area, but there's a great demand for teachers throughout many areas of the country. The government even has special funding for people pursuing careers in education. If you're willing to accept that he will relocate, there is a job out there for him as a history teacher. He could even teach overseas.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
His other great love is cars. He is in a car club at school that designs and builds cars to enter into competitions against other schools. He wanted to build on that with the mechanical engineering degree, but without being able to pass calculus, that isn't happening.
Hiring a tutor for calculus would be much cheaper than paying for him to take the class over and over.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GolfGal
Teaching isn't the only thing one can do with a history degree. There are other jobs that people don't consider. Most larger companies employ a company historian, all of the county, state and national parks have historians on staff leading interpretive programs, museums, etc. also employ historians. Our oldest is also a history buff and we have told him that if nothing else, get a minor in history so he can continue to study that and pair that with another field (he is leaning toward human resources right now).
That's true. There are many possible careers with a degree in history. It's not much different than studying liberal arts and entering the corporate world. Interesting you mention human resources. That's a soft-study major where people can make huge money.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GolfGal
I don't know where you live but there is a degree program at my son's school that sounds like it would be perfect for your son. It is a model design major-I call it grown up legos. There are a couple components to the program but one of them is building models of buildings for concept designs and another is figuring out how to package stuff--say a company builds a machine and needs to figure how how to enclose the working parts of the machine-the model design person would come up with that design (the plastic around an MRI machine, for example).
Another area of study that could get in in the auto industry is industrial design. Unfortunately, with the way the auto industry has crashed, he'd probably have a better chance at finding a job teaching than a job in the auto industry.
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Old 02-14-2011, 12:03 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,437 posts, read 41,696,241 times
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My son's best friend was in a similar situation. His great love was cars. That is all he cared about and he got very involved in car clubs and competitions at school. His parents put a full court press into calculus tutoring and everything they could think of to get the kid over the hump of that one course. He finally got the credit and went on to get his degree in engineering, interned at a great company and is now making a very great living doing what he always wanted to do. he can't even spell calculus now but he pushed until he got over that very frustrating hump and then it was full speed ahead.

Good luck
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