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Old 02-16-2011, 11:29 AM
 
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My kids knew very early that both Dad and I were going to say, "No". We taught them from a very young age that we watched our pennies. Dad worked in a profession that was feast or famine. We lived in an area where the cost of living was through the roof. And I was, for a long time, a SAHM. They grew up knowing they could ask until they were blue in the face and it wasn't going to get them anywhere. So they knew not to waste their breath.

So they asked Grandpa.

Whose stock answer was, as they got in the car to go miniature golfing, "Don't tell your mother."
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Old 02-16-2011, 11:33 AM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 7,937,996 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
My kids knew very early that both Dad and I were going to say, "No". We taught them from a very young age that we watched our pennies. Dad worked in a profession that was feast or famine. We lived in an area where the cost of living was through the roof. And I was, for a long time, a SAHM. They grew up knowing they could ask until they were blue in the face and it wasn't going to get them anywhere. So they knew not to waste their breath.

So they asked Grandpa.

Whose stock answer was, as they got in the car to go miniature golfing, "Don't tell your mother."

This was the way I grew up and the way I raised my kids, although my husband and I do better financially then our parents did. I can't remember my kids really ever throwing a fit when we were out somewhere. They might have gotten a pouty look on their face but no crying or temper tantrums.
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Old 02-16-2011, 12:03 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ajzjmsmom View Post
I can't remember my kids really ever throwing a fit when we were out somewhere. They might have gotten a pouty look on their face but no crying or temper tantrums.
Exactly! Every small child throws fits. But, hopefully, they get taught that throwing a fit in a grocery store is not acceptable and they are going to go home and have a major time out (or whatever) if they do. When they realise there is no pay-off for acting up, but instead there will be a punishment, they don't "go into their act". (Our family term for acting out, up, whatever.)

And I think my kids picked up that they often got a small treat if they were especially good. I showed them that I appreciated that they were well-behaved. "I know we've been in here forever, but you guys have been really good. Pick out the donut (or pack of gum or comic book) you would like for after supper." Not every trip, but often enough. They enjoyed it and I enjoyed it.
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Old 02-16-2011, 12:56 PM
 
1,302 posts, read 1,531,080 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
My kids knew very early that both Dad and I were going to say, "No". We taught them from a very young age that we watched our pennies. Dad worked in a profession that was feast or famine. We lived in an area where the cost of living was through the roof. And I was, for a long time, a SAHM. They grew up knowing they could ask until they were blue in the face and it wasn't going to get them anywhere. So they knew not to waste their breath.

So they asked Grandpa.

Whose stock answer was, as they got in the car to go miniature golfing, "Don't tell your mother."
This was our house. They stopped asking because they knew the answer. They knew the age when they would be allowed things (like a tv in their room at 10) so they didn't bother hounding for it earlier. That would only make the privilege be pushed back.

My favorite days were the days when they really were champs and behaved exceptionally well and they would get some sort of unexpected treat. Watching their faces light up was special.
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Old 02-16-2011, 01:00 PM
 
8,240 posts, read 14,908,909 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
I agree, and that's exactly what I'm talking about. A TV in a shopping cart is not really an issue. But all of it put together really is. I do believe we have to say no a lot more now than parents used to. And it's starting way before the teen years.

Obviously I was exaggerating when I said "50 more things".

But let me put it this way. When I was a kid, back in the Jurassic age, there were really only a few things I got a no on - "no you can't have a bike until next Christmas", "no we really can't afford a pony", and "no you can't play on the street after dark".

Now, off the top of my head, it's:

No you can't ride in the TV cart
No you can't sit in the front seat
No you can't walk to your friend's house
No you can't have a Happy Meal
No you can't have a TV in your room
No you can't go on sproutonline.com/pbskids.com right now
No you can't have a Wii/xbox/PSP/Nintendo DS
No you can't wear makeup when you're eight
No you can't have a Facebook page
No you can't have an email account
No you can't have an Ipod/Ipad/Smartphone
No you can't do all 50 of the extracirricular activities currently offered
No you can't have whatever product they're marketing to you on your educational materials at school this week
No you can't go to the bathroom by yourself until you're 20

It's always the stock answer in these threads. Well you're the parent, just say no. It's your job to say no. I'm not scared of saying no, I just don't want to have "no" be the most used word in my vocabulary.

BTW, I'm not going to say no to all the things listed above. But the amount of things, even situations - that are around to say "no" to has increased out of all proportion to that which was around when we were young consumers, and when we were out exploring the world.

I think it's important as parents to say no to the marketers, the fear mongering news outlets, and the corporations trying to grab every last penny out of our kids' hands. Let's say no to them more, so we can say it to our kids less.
Definitely we are surrounded by more and more consumer attacks than our parents were. I have found in my years of parenting (20!) that when you set your family values fairly concretely ("we prefer to save our money than waste it") you don't have to say no nearly as much. Kids need context- they need to understand WHY you are saying no.
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Old 02-16-2011, 01:01 PM
 
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Default Omnipresent

I am trying not to be a downer but it seems to me that most conscientious parents I know are fighting a battle that is made all that much more difficult by visual media.

TV is everywhere. In the elevator. In the bathroom stall. The shopping cart. In restaurants. Laundromats. Etc.

Sometimes it seems fruitless or fool hardy to fight it. Then again, to give in seems equally ludicrous.

But hey. That's just me...a dad that tells his daughter not to date until she is at least 20.
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Old 02-16-2011, 01:22 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 9,248,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
I agree, and that's exactly what I'm talking about. A TV in a shopping cart is not really an issue. But all of it put together really is. I do believe we have to say no a lot more now than parents used to. And it's starting way before the teen years.

Obviously I was exaggerating when I said "50 more things".

But let me put it this way. When I was a kid, back in the Jurassic age, there were really only a few things I got a no on - "no you can't have a bike until next Christmas", "no we really can't afford a pony", and "no you can't play on the street after dark".

Now, off the top of my head, it's:

No you can't ride in the TV cart
No you can't sit in the front seat
No you can't walk to your friend's house
No you can't have a Happy Meal
No you can't have a TV in your room
No you can't go on sproutonline.com/pbskids.com right now
No you can't have a Wii/xbox/PSP/Nintendo DS
No you can't wear makeup when you're eight
No you can't have a Facebook page
No you can't have an email account
No you can't have an Ipod/Ipad/Smartphone
No you can't do all 50 of the extracirricular activities currently offered
No you can't have whatever product they're marketing to you on your educational materials at school this week
No you can't go to the bathroom by yourself until you're 20

It's always the stock answer in these threads. Well you're the parent, just say no. It's your job to say no. I'm not scared of saying no, I just don't want to have "no" be the most used word in my vocabulary.

BTW, I'm not going to say no to all the things listed above. But the amount of things, even situations - that are around to say "no" to has increased out of all proportion to that which was around when we were young consumers, and when we were out exploring the world.

I think it's important as parents to say no to the marketers, the fear mongering news outlets, and the corporations trying to grab every last penny out of our kids' hands. Let's say no to them more, so we can say it to our kids less.
I agree. It is hard b/c it is constant.

When most of us were toddlers, computers were not even mainstream yet. Now, 5yos have them in their room.
24hr WalMarts, Targets, and immediate access to the internet....life is a tad bit more difficult.

Remember when you could only get the internet based on minutes & therefore there was a limit? Doesn't even exist anymore!!!! Our kids can go on at any time & see anything.

I do believe majority of parents out there are trying & do a great job. I think we all have to remind each other that we are allowed to give in, allowed to have bad days, allowed to say no, allowed to say yes, and our kids are going to be just fine in life --

(Finster--I use to be completely against DS. My 5yo got a hand-me-down one for CMas. I had to take him to my dentist appt & the DS was perfect for that 40 mins. The DS can be a wonderful thing !!! )
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Old 02-16-2011, 01:42 PM
 
Location: here
24,477 posts, read 28,773,973 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ajzjmsmom View Post
I have to say it never fails to shock me at some of the statements that I see on this board. Or maybe I should say saddens me, that as a society we think it is okay to judge someone based on their weight.
well, it does usually mean unhealthy eating habits and laziness to a degree... These are bad habits that a lot of americans have and are passing on to their kids, sadly. There are exceptions of course (people with medical conditions).
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Old 02-16-2011, 01:47 PM
 
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While I would have had no need for that with my children, I can think of 2 families immediately that would have benefited greatly from it.

First is a cousin who has two boys, both of which were eventually diagnosed with autism. With the first boy, they knew something was off, but had no idea what was going on or how to parent him. Taking him anywhere was a horrid, horrid experience for them, even more so when dad was traveling and mom had no choice but to take him alone.

Had they had the option of a TV in a cart, she would have had a completely different experience because one of the things they eventually found that calmed him was watching TV.

The second is a family whose son I kept from 6 weeks of age until he began Kindergarten. They had no parenting experience, nor any instinct for being a parent. They would pawn him off anywhere they could to run errands because they simply could NOT do it with him. Of course I could take a 3 under 2 to the grocery store without any problems whatsoever, but somehow they couldn't handle their own even with them both. If they had a TV in the cart, at least they would have attempted to take him and hopefully soon learned that they really could handle him in the grocery store. As it was, they wouldn't even try. Poor kid still has no full understanding of socially appropriate behaviors and he'll be 8 soon.
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Old 02-16-2011, 02:02 PM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,732,898 times
Reputation: 11008
Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804 View Post
I agree. It is hard b/c it is constant.

When most of us were toddlers, computers were not even mainstream yet. Now, 5yos have them in their room.
24hr WalMarts, Targets, and immediate access to the internet....life is a tad bit more difficult.

Remember when you could only get the internet based on minutes & therefore there was a limit? Doesn't even exist anymore!!!! Our kids can go on at any time & see anything.

I do believe majority of parents out there are trying & do a great job. I think we all have to remind each other that we are allowed to give in, allowed to have bad days, allowed to say no, allowed to say yes, and our kids are going to be just fine in life --

(Finster--I use to be completely against DS. My 5yo got a hand-me-down one for CMas. I had to take him to my dentist appt & the DS was perfect for that 40 mins. The DS can be a wonderful thing !!! )
Yep, I think a lot of those things are great, actually. I have nothing against them individually. I'm pro technology for kids. I don't think they're going to be able to make it in this world without it, and I think there's a lot of plusses to it. But it's put an added burden on today's parents, for sure.

What I'm really anti is sneaky marketing. I can't find out if they're running ads on these cart TV's - my guess would be soon enough, if not already.

I'm just trying to make a point about how much of it is out there and how much we have to (and are going to have to) sift through, and how much more there is to say no to than there was in the past.

I think it's great that parents want to discuss the ramifications of these things, because it opens our eyes to the subtle way our kids are being manipulated, and keeps the power with the parents - because (not to sound too tin foil hat-ish) the corps and their marketing people are doing their best to erode it, bit by bit.
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