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Old 02-16-2011, 03:07 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,978,939 times
Reputation: 30256

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ajzjmsmom View Post
Hopes was this post you quoted actually on here or did it get removed? I don't see it.
The member must have deleted it. It was in this thread, but it's not now.

Pitt Chick even rep'ed me for pointing out that her post didn't indicate she was an over controlling parent.

Maybe cdubs meant to quote another member but accidently quoed Pitt Chick's post.

The mods can look and see that it was there. No posts are permanently deleted.

I swear it's not my imagination! LOL
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Old 02-16-2011, 03:22 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,707,564 times
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It WAS there... and it seemed quite inaccurate to me.
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Old 02-16-2011, 03:31 PM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 7,930,262 times
Reputation: 3129
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
The member must have deleted it. It was in this thread, but it's not now.

Pitt Chick even rep'ed me for pointing out that her post didn't indicate she was an over controlling parent.

Maybe cdubs meant to quote another member but accidently quoed Pitt Chick's post.

The mods can look and see that it was there. No posts are permanently deleted.

I swear it's not my imagination! LOL
Hopes, when you replied to their thread was when I saw it and when I went back to look I couldn't find it. I didn't see anywhere in Pitt Chick's post that would have made me think she was controlling.

I guess it could have been directed at me, I am not controlling just hoping my son is making the best decision for his life. As far as trying to fill an empty void, that one was funny, I don't have time for an empty void in my life.

Oh and just to clarify, I have nothing against my future daughter in law being a SAHM and if she doesn't want to go back to college that is fine, for me to say anything else would be complete hypocrisy since I didn't go to college. I just experienced some things in regards to her when she lived with us for awhile that make me worry. I think after carrying my son for 9 months, delivering him naturally with no pain meds and then raising him to manhood I am entitled to worry alittle.
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Old 02-16-2011, 08:21 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,978,939 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ajzjmsmom View Post
Oh and just to clarify, I have nothing against my future daughter in law being a SAHM and if she doesn't want to go back to college that is fine, for me to say anything else would be complete hypocrisy since I didn't go to college. I just experienced some things in regards to her when she lived with us for awhile that make me worry. I think after carrying my son for 9 months, delivering him naturally with no pain meds and then raising him to manhood I am entitled to worry alittle.
I completely understand. Try to separate out what you know from living with her during that time. If she hadn't lived with you, you wouldn't know. Just think of all the things your mother in law would have hated about you if she got to live with you so early on in your relationship with your husband. Sometimes too much information is a bad thing.

Your son may be completely fine with her sleeping late and being a terrible housekeeper. I can understand your disappointment that you son didnt' take the fantastic job opportunity because she doesn't want to move away from her parents, but it will be a benefit for them to live near her parents when she has children.

She might turn into Suzie Homemaker after she has children. I realize that's a stretch, but you never know.
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Old 02-16-2011, 09:11 PM
 
12,913 posts, read 19,787,452 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ajzjmsmom View Post
Many of you replied to my post about who had teenagers and I noticed quite a few have grown children.

Did you have a hard time letting go and letting them make their own mistakes once they reached the age where they were legally considered adults?

Our oldest son just turned 23 and it getting married this summer to his girlfriend of 5 years. We would prefer that they wait awhile longer, getting more settled and allowing her to go back to school, she dropped college about a year ago but they are insistent. This last year or so has been a hard one as I have had to learn to step back as it seems our opinions no longer matter as much to him. I think we as most parents just want him to be happy but just not sure about her. It seems as though he has been more willing to allow her to be first in his life (as she should be) but she always does want her parents want. I think I preferred when he was a teenager, at least then he pretended like he listened and my opinion mattered.
Boy, did this post speak to me! My son is a bit older, at 25, but only started dating his fiancee last June. They got engaged the beginning of Dec, and are getting married in June. It all seems so rushed to me. My son agreed to the wedding date because she lives 6 hours away, and he wants to be with her. I get that, but honestly I wish he would just move up with her, and get settled in a job first. They are both in grad school, working on their thesis.
I haven't seen anything that reassures me that they have thought everything through. If I mention my doubts though, I'm told I'm not being supportive. So, I'm keeping my mouth shut, but it's hard.
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Old 02-17-2011, 06:19 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,978,939 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Boy, did this post speak to me! My son is a bit older, at 25, but only started dating his fiancee last June. They got engaged the beginning of Dec, and are getting married in June. It all seems so rushed to me. My son agreed to the wedding date because she lives 6 hours away, and he wants to be with her. I get that, but honestly I wish he would just move up with her, and get settled in a job first. They are both in grad school, working on their thesis.
I haven't seen anything that reassures me that they have thought everything through. If I mention my doubts though, I'm told I'm not being supportive. So, I'm keeping my mouth shut, but it's hard.
My father and mother had a similar courtship.

They dated for six months before his company transferred him to another city. He proposed before he left town.

The wedding was scheduled for the following summer in a similar time-frame you described.

They had a really great life-long marriage---not until death did they part.
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Old 02-17-2011, 06:57 AM
 
1,078 posts, read 2,208,513 times
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I have to ask.....Why should parents voice their opinions or concerns on their grown children's lives? I'm thinking it only causes hurt feelings and larger concerns. I have two grown son's (two younger also) but try to stay out of decisions the grown boys make as much as possible. I only become involved if the decision is going to affect my grandchild adversely (she lives with us). I have seen how parents calling the shots or voicing opinions has caused heartache and annimosity. Let them make their own mistakes in this world. They won't learn from other's mistakes, if they did, children would all be perfect. My son is about to marry a woman 20 years older than him. It's his decision, not mine. What am I going to do if I disagree? Ground him?
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Old 02-17-2011, 07:25 AM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 7,930,262 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by magoomafoo View Post
I have to ask.....Why should parents voice their opinions or concerns on their grown children's lives? I'm thinking it only causes hurt feelings and larger concerns. I have two grown son's (two younger also) but try to stay out of decisions the grown boys make as much as possible. I only become involved if the decision is going to affect my grandchild adversely (she lives with us). I have seen how parents calling the shots or voicing opinions has caused heartache and annimosity. Let them make their own mistakes in this world. They won't learn from other's mistakes, if they did, children would all be perfect. My son is about to marry a woman 20 years older than him. It's his decision, not mine. What am I going to do if I disagree? Ground him?
We are not calling the shots we simply want our son to be sure he is making the right decision for his life, especially since they have plans to start a family ASAP, and then my grandchildren would be affected.
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Old 02-17-2011, 10:27 AM
 
1,078 posts, read 2,208,513 times
Reputation: 1027
Why is it YOUR place to decide what is the right decision for your son's life? I hate to tell you but your grandchildren are not your children and any decisions concerning grandchildren should be left to them. If they make mistakes, they will either learn by them or not. You cannot protect your children forever from mistakes they make in life
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Old 02-17-2011, 10:29 AM
 
1,078 posts, read 2,208,513 times
Reputation: 1027
Another thing....making sure your son makes the right decisions for his life IS CALLING THE SHOTS. He's an adult, cut the strings and let him live his life
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