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Old 02-18-2011, 04:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Was your son assuming that you would pay some of his bills even after he got married?
It doesn't appear that he was expecting us to continue paying, but there was a certain disconnect there. When I told him the expenses he would be responsible for, he asked me for the amounts. He had no idea how much his various insurance costs, cell phone, etc added up to.
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Old 02-18-2011, 04:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I would have a problem if one of my children planned to get married before they (or their fiance/fiancee) were completely independent.

No "ramen noodle years"? Why is that? Isn't that what happens during college. I'm guessing I'm missing something.
We've been able to give our kids living expenses in addition to their college tuitions. I don't apologize for it, it's what we wanted to do, but it isn't what my husband and I had when we got married either.
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Old 02-18-2011, 04:35 PM
 
Location: Denver area
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I wasn't asking you to apologize for it... You're the one that mentioned that there were no "ramen noodle" years. You said you were concerned that he hasnt' experienced that. Personally, I agree this would be a concern. You chose to provide fully for him - to the extent that he's at a point in his life where he is considering marriage (a very adult decision) without having the knowledge of what his adult life actually costs. I am hoping by NOT providing my DD's every expense, by the time she is on her own, there will be not too much of a rude awakening. Of course, there is always some degree of sticker shock but my aim is to get her there gradually. Even if it means she has some tough times and additional stress while in college or comes out with some debt. There are those who are critical of our choice (there is a whole thread on here somewhere that have plenty of people who believe it's a parents obligation to provide for everything while a child is in college so they don't have to "waste" energy worrying about anything but their studies and other college experiences....) but those are some of our reasons. And, don't get me wrong...we still provide plenty for our college aged DD - she's not suffering too badly

As parents, we all try to make the best decisions we can for our children. We all have differing ideas as to what this entails. I wasn't meaning to sound judgemental but I truly was surprised that one could get to that point in one's life without knowing these things. But then, I didn't get married until I was out of school, working and living on my own for a few years.

Last edited by maciesmom; 02-18-2011 at 04:49 PM..
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Old 02-18-2011, 05:07 PM
 
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^^ No, I understand what you are saying, and a large part of it is what I worry about. DS has been in grad school, which he is paying for, so we covered the rest of his expenses. He works PT teaching, and that money he uses for his gas, clothes, and traveling back and forth to see his fiancee.

He is marrying into a very, very, wealthy family. The first home has been purchased, and his fiancee's parents are also willing to pay for a PhD or med school for each of them. Sometimes I don't know whether to congratulate him on his good fortune, or fear for his future.

But, it's his future, and he'll have to make the decisions.
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Old 02-18-2011, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Denver area
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
^^ No, I understand what you are saying, and a large part of it is what I worry about. DS has been in grad school, which he is paying for, so we covered the rest of his expenses. He works PT teaching, and that money he uses for his gas, clothes, and traveling back and forth to see his fiancee.

He is marrying into a very, very, wealthy family. The first home has been purchased, and his fiancee's parents are also willing to pay for a PhD or med school for each of them. Sometimes I don't know whether to congratulate him on his good fortune, or fear for his future.

But, it's his future, and he'll have to make the decisions.
LOL...Ya know, I think as parents we probably feel that way no matter what. But yes, when someone marries into a totally different socioeconomic situtation, it is concerning. And as a parent, it would make me uncomfortable (I would think) that another family was willing to take on my child's expenses.

Not to mention (and this again, is just me) I would kind of feel sad that they wouldn't feel the sense of self-satisfaction one gets from struggling to buy that first house etc etc. Those struggles are fond memories for DH and I and personally I wouldn't want my child to miss out on that. Easier isn't always better.

But, all you can really do, as a parent of adult children is be there for them. Good luck and I hope all works out for the best.
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