U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-20-2011, 05:03 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,364,337 times
Reputation: 8956

Advertisements

It's called having boundaries and being the parent. I can't think of any reason anyone would tell their kids their past indiscretions, unless they were trying to befriend them instead of parent them. Kids don't need to know details of their parents' private lives and it could traumatize them to hear some things and it certainly would not be being a good role model . . . if you made mistakes and learned from them, then that is good for your growth . . . your kids have to make their own mistakes and learn from them . . .

People seem to have their heads in the sand about what their kids are doing and that is kind of how it should be. My parents had no idea what I was up to . . . privacy is a basic human right. Parents have no business managing their kids sex lives, etc. You may not want your kid to have sex, but it is ultimately their bodies and up to them.

Now what I just wrote, I believe in on one hand, but I am a hypocrite in practice because I get fearful . . . But we are all here to learn (I believe).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-20-2011, 06:19 PM
 
Location: Louisiana
60 posts, read 39,394 times
Reputation: 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
When I say that I anticipate being honest with my kids, I don't mean that I will divulge these types of details. I am talking in the general sense: yes, I tried pot; yes, I had sex as a teenager; yes, I occasionally had a couple of drinks at a party. There is some information that children and parents simply don't need to know about one another. I'm in my mid-30s, and I would never discuss my sex life with my mother, even though I'm married with children, and I would CERTAINLY never want to discuss HER sex life, past or present!
Its funny this thread has popped up, my daughter asked, "How old were you when you had sex for the first time?" I told her, she also asked if it was special, I told her. She asked if I was worried about diseases I said, “I didn’t know enough about diseases to worry about them”. She looked at me and said, “DAD! You could have gotten AIDS!” With a humbling laugh I said, “That’s right, I was pretty stupid huh!”. We talked a bit more, well, she asked a few more questions.
In my opinion she knows her father was careless by admission and logic. She knows sex can be dangerous and her protection is her responsibility.
It’s a work in progress, she’ll make mistakes as I did, as her mother did and when she does I’ll (we’ll) be there to help and support her. The school of experience is a good teacher.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-20-2011, 11:03 PM
 
Location: New York City
2,814 posts, read 5,855,216 times
Reputation: 3142
No. I have shared a couple of pranks I pulled, but when my child gets a little older I don't see myself telling her about my sexcapades or experimentation with alcohol and marijuana. Maybe when she's an adult.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-22-2011, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
15,228 posts, read 23,743,496 times
Reputation: 19847
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
No I will not tell them that kind of stuff, because frankly, it's none of their business.
I agree, I did the same.

...and it's because I am the "Father', not the "friend".

besides, I'm no dummie, I wouldn't want to give them any ideas......: D
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-22-2011, 11:37 AM
 
Location: beautiful NC mountains!
904 posts, read 2,533,710 times
Reputation: 1240
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Humble View Post
For all us secretive parents, and we do seem to be in the majority here, do you think there will ever come a time when you'll be able to tell your, let's say adult children a lot more about your wayward youth? Not saying everything; Does anyone ever tell anyone else everything? But just much more, say once they are married and settled into their professional and personal lives, say in their 30's?
I have thought about this as my children have become adults but...
Years ago when I got married my Dad proceeded to tell me about the time he cheated on my mother and nearly left her for this other woman. This woman was the mother of one of my dear friends. Someone I am still friends with. It was a huge burden to me as I didn't know if my friend knew. I felt so bad for my mom. I hated my dad for it. It was not necessary that I know this. His excuse for telling me was that if my husband were to cheat on me this is how I should react. I still find it to be worthless knowledge and there isn't any reason I should know. Somethings are better left unsaid.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-22-2011, 11:18 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,025,648 times
Reputation: 39664
Quote:
Originally Posted by VBmom View Post
I have thought about this as my children have become adults but...
Years ago when I got married my Dad proceeded to tell me about the time he cheated on my mother and nearly left her for this other woman. This woman was the mother of one of my dear friends. Someone I am still friends with. It was a huge burden to me as I didn't know if my friend knew. I felt so bad for my mom. I hated my dad for it. It was not necessary that I know this. His excuse for telling me was that if my husband were to cheat on me this is how I should react. I still find it to be worthless knowledge and there isn't any reason I should know. Somethings are better left unsaid.
That was pretty dispicable of your dad to burden you that way

Parents who share things like their sexual history with their kids, especially kids who are under the age of 18, are playing with fire.

I see this kind of cr*ap happen when a parent would rather be their childs friend than do the tougher job of just parenting. It's sad.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-23-2011, 08:26 AM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,319,241 times
Reputation: 32238
No way!

It's bad enough we raised them in the same area we grew up in ourselves and our friends would say, "Remember the time we all..." and their little faces would light up in fascination before I tossed them out onto the patio telling them to check on the dogs.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-23-2011, 07:24 PM
 
Location: beautiful NC mountains!
904 posts, read 2,533,710 times
Reputation: 1240
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
That was pretty dispicable of your dad to burden you that way

Parents who share things like their sexual history with their kids, especially kids who are under the age of 18, are playing with fire.

I see this kind of cr*ap happen when a parent would rather be their childs friend than do the tougher job of just parenting. It's sad.
Agreed. And now the rest of the story...When my husband did cheat on me my Dad blamed me and told me I had ruined my life. Just another reason why I have very little contact now.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top