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Old 02-20-2011, 05:39 PM
 
Location: maryland
3,967 posts, read 5,681,014 times
Reputation: 1711

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
If they're 21 kick 'em out! You have no legal obligation to pamper them anymore, they will "do their best' when its that or not eat! Just like you "do your best" because you're responsible for yourself, no work, no pay, let them now learn what it means to be an adult! childhood is over!

you missed who i was talking about
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Old 02-20-2011, 07:01 PM
 
Location: Louisiana
60 posts, read 39,476 times
Reputation: 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by L.K. View Post
without turning them off/ driving them away?
Just feeling alittle down right now about some things. How do you get across to your kids that need to succeed, the will to do something 100%, whether it's a sport, schoolwork or mowing the lawn?
My husband and I always try to do our best. We talk about the importance of putting all your effort into something. I feel like other kids get it, mine don't, so it must be something I'm not doing or am doing wrong.
I appreciate all opinions, it's just been a bad day.
We reward good behavoir and also reward good results. The better our child does the better the reward. We do not reward bad behavoir or bad results.
The reward can be money, extra privileges or a cool treat for her and one of her friends.
As far her doing her best, that will come when she gets older and has her own things. I would imagine a lot of kids are ike this.
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Old 02-20-2011, 07:06 PM
 
2,179 posts, read 2,815,026 times
Reputation: 2570
Quote:
Originally Posted by L.K. View Post
without turning them off/ driving them away?
Just feeling alittle down right now about some things. How do you get across to your kids that need to succeed, the will to do something 100%, whether it's a sport, schoolwork or mowing the lawn?
My husband and I always try to do our best. We talk about the importance of putting all your effort into something. I feel like other kids get it, mine don't, so it must be something I'm not doing or am doing wrong.
I appreciate all opinions, it's just been a bad day.
Try to help them find something that they are good at and that they love to do. The only magic I've ever seen..
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Old 02-20-2011, 07:21 PM
 
20,979 posts, read 15,631,915 times
Reputation: 10270
We mostly introduced our children to nicer things when they were young.

Plays, nice restaurants, nice vacations, etc.

High expectations lead to high results.

We also showed them the not so nice things.

A drive through north philly, etc.

Kids pick up on things themselves.

One time while driving through Princeton NJ with my son when he was about 8, he said "hey dad, why do all of their billboards advertise about Rolex and Porches and in Philly they advertise about drug rehabs and aids clinics?"

Good question.

The point is, you don't need to do a lot of encouraging once a kid realizes their potential.
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Old 02-20-2011, 09:00 PM
 
9,465 posts, read 15,045,414 times
Reputation: 15450
Quote:
Originally Posted by alphamale View Post
We mostly introduced our children to nicer things when they were young.

Plays, nice restaurants, nice vacations, etc.

High expectations lead to high results.

We also showed them the not so nice things.

A drive through north philly, etc.

Kids pick up on things themselves.

One time while driving through Princeton NJ with my son when he was about 8, he said "hey dad, why do all of their billboards advertise about Rolex and Porches and in Philly they advertise about drug rehabs and aids clinics?"

Good question.

The point is, you don't need to do a lot of encouraging once a kid realizes their potential.

We had a neighbor like that. she would metion a person, then say BTW, they are a ----profession. they make about x per year. then she'd drop it. then they might drivr by a nice neighborhood. she would say houses there cost x. then perhaps drive through a bad neeghborhood. she would say oh, those houses cost x. she never drove home her point, or she would lose it. But she did give her kids a balanced dose of reality. Each one went on to be successful professionals, worth in the 8 figures at least--one owns a chain of eye laser clinics.
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Old 02-20-2011, 11:59 PM
 
Location: New York City
2,814 posts, read 5,862,176 times
Reputation: 3142
L.K, I hear you and empathize. I struggle with this stuff too. I am very driven, and I have a very happy, but laidback child who doesn't have a competitive bone in her body. My husband gave me good advice. He said that there is only so much we can do, and then it's up to her. So, I guess you encourage, push when needed, expose them to benefits of hard work and then you have to sit back and they will be who they are. Hard pill to swallow, but you have to hope for the best. Some of the happiest people around aren't those who are so driven and success oriented.
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Old 02-21-2011, 12:14 AM
 
Location: Colorado
554 posts, read 1,307,452 times
Reputation: 948
Quote:
Originally Posted by L.K. View Post
without turning them off/ driving them away?
Just feeling alittle down right now about some things. How do you get across to your kids that need to succeed, the will to do something 100%, whether it's a sport, schoolwork or mowing the lawn?
My husband and I always try to do our best. We talk about the importance of putting all your effort into something. I feel like other kids get it, mine don't, so it must be something I'm not doing or am doing wrong.
I appreciate all opinions, it's just been a bad day.
I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Cheer up, it will get better. I remember those ages with my son. It's not easy dealing with teenagers or pre-teens. The only thing I can think of that really helped me more than anything is that my son is a big computer geek. He LOVES his World of Warcraft games and Facebook. I used that in my favor. If he did his chores and kept his grades up, then he was allowed more time on the computer on the weekends if he wanted it. (He only got two hours a day). He'd get home from school at 2pm and he'd get to play until I got home from work at 4pm.

The parental controls are awesome. I would block his account on the computer and set up time limits. If he smarted off to me or whatever, the computer was turned off until he changed his tune. It really helped him with time management and self discipline. I don't know what I would have done if he didn't like computers so much. LOL! I'm not saying that would work for everyone, but it worked for me. Good luck!
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Old 02-21-2011, 06:24 AM
 
Location: Back in MADISON Wi thank God!
1,047 posts, read 3,241,650 times
Reputation: 1382
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2justynsarah View Post
When my son was six years old, he wanted to join the Cubscouts. We signed him up, and my husband took a very active role and volunteered as a leader. It was a great experience. My son is now 12 and has begun his second year in the Boyscouts. He was just promoted to Assistant Patrol Leader, and has grown so much in terms of his sense of confidence, teamwork and leadership abilities.

I can't say enough good things about the program. It is BOY run and, if you haven't checked it out yet, I would highly recommend it for your 11 year old and or your 14 year old to get involved. They age out at 18. These boys go on camp outs, they sell their own camp cards/popcorn/chocolate to help pay for summer camp and other activities. They cook their own meals, take hikes, go to "merit college" (earning merits) and so much more. Of course there are adult leaders to guide them. But it is so empowering for these boys to do things independently.
this is great to hear! my son was a cub, but due to circumstances, he missed a lot and did not get really involved. He did decide to cross to boy scouts, since he does like the whole idea and philosophy of scouting. That's exactly what I was thinking. He will have to make it a priority [as will we] and I can see how it would be a great benefit. Thank you so much! I was hoping that would be the case!
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Old 02-21-2011, 06:37 AM
 
20,979 posts, read 15,631,915 times
Reputation: 10270
Quote:
Originally Posted by gimme it View Post
L.K, I hear you and empathize. I struggle with this stuff too. I am very driven, and I have a very happy, but laidback child who doesn't have a competitive bone in her body. My husband gave me good advice. He said that there is only so much we can do, and then it's up to her. So, I guess you encourage, push when needed, expose them to benefits of hard work and then you have to sit back and they will be who they are. Hard pill to swallow, but you have to hope for the best. Some of the happiest people around aren't those who are so driven and success oriented.
That's right.

Success is relative.

I would be seriously disappointed if one of my children wound up as a street person, or wound up in a mundane job that they weren't happy with.

But money doesn't equal success. Happiness comes from within.

My brother is intelligent and has a HS diploma.

He is a factory worker and earns about $30,000 annually.

He is 42 years old and single with no children.

He owns his own modest home in the neighborhood in which we grew up.

He is successful in his own right.

He enjoys his life.
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