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Old 02-28-2011, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
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I am at a loss at how to help her with the behavior. She used to be the sweetest girl, very giving and loving. She still is with everyone except at home.

She is becoming unbearable at the age of 8. I don't know what to do when she behaves so selfishly. She cares only about herself and not what anyone else needs. If her shows are not put on the television she throws a fit, if she doesn’t get the computer when she wants it, she throws a fit etc.

We never give in to her tactics. We send her to her room until she calms down. She apologizes and all is good for a few hours. It is becoming a vicious cycle and I am at a loss of how to help her and the family not live with this craziness.
[SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
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Old 02-28-2011, 06:00 PM
 
Location: NC
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no more tv. period. no more computer unless for homework (then supervised by you)...do that for a month, then see if she can behave and give things back in small doses.

get her involved in volunteering- something for less fortunate people- working in a soup kitchen, for example. take used (but still usable) clothes to a womens and childrens shelter. have her pick some toys that are still in good condition and donate them to a charity. make sure you talk to her and tell her these people have NOTHING.

if you dont put an end to it now, it will only get worse.

when my daughter was 8, she acted very similarly. I took ALL of her toys and gave them away. I told her since she didnt appreciate what she had, I was going to give it to someone who would.

she learned her lesson. And twice a year, she (voluntarily) cleans out her things and creates a huge box of stuff to donate to the shelter. Clothes, books, toys... all sorts of stuff. even her hannah montana bedding set when she got tired of HM.

now, at 12, she is polite, well liked, kind hearted, has lots of school friends and thinks of others before herself (most days LOL)

I have 0 tolerance for bratty ungrateful behavior.
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Old 02-28-2011, 06:08 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,325,866 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
I am at a loss at how to help her with the behavior. She used to be the sweetest girl, very giving and loving. She still is with everyone except at home.[SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
Where'd she learn this? Friends? (They don't just dream it up on their own. Somebody is influencing her.)

You just got some great advice. The moment she starts ranting about having to have her show on you tell her "No TV for X amount of time." Two days minimum. If she talks back ask her if she wants to make it three. And stick to it. (And yes, as soon as she whines, you make it three days.)

Sometimes even good kids need a gentle "kick in the bum" to put them back on track.
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Old 02-28-2011, 06:36 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
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suednym excellent idea, thank you!
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Old 02-28-2011, 06:55 PM
 
Location: NC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
suednym excellent idea, thank you!
youre welcome hun.

i love my kids, and can spoil em rotten at times, but the hand that giveth can taketh away and they know it (well, the 12 yo does, the 4 yo has not yet expereinced the wrath of mommy madness LOL)

and to be perfectly honest, i was crazy with pregnancy hormones at the time i took everything away so... yeah.

but it DID work, crazy pregnant hormones or not LOL
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Old 02-28-2011, 07:05 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
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Love the hormones!
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Old 03-01-2011, 09:36 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
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Have you tried a simple swat on the bottom ? Im sorry but Im an advocate for spanking. My kids turned out really well and are not in prison because I gave them a swat on the bottom . It would not hurt her at all just her pride . Yes taking things away works sometimes not always . I find spanking quite effective if applied right . Not beating or abusing just a simple swat to let her know you mean business . good luck with whatever you decide .
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Old 03-01-2011, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Beautiful Niagara Falls ON.
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I raised 8 kids and every one of them was different. I had one daughter that sounds a lot like yours. It's the strangest thing but her daughter is just the same. I find that in children of this type a lot of the behaviour is a power struggle. In most cases I also recognize that the child really does not know what's going on in their Little brains that is causing this turmoil. I watch my daughter and my grand daughter interact and I clearly see that my daughter will lose every time in this struggle of wills because she does not understand that all of her reactions to the behaviour just reinforce in the childs subconsious that she is powerful and can manipulate her mom into some reaction that is losing. Anger,frustration, verbal attacks, Physical swats, etc. With a strong willed child these tatics will not work and may just worsen the problem.

At about age 4 when she first started to stay at my house without her mom her behaviour was the same with me as it was at home. That was all she knew in her young life. She very quickly changed though when there was absolutely no payoff to her for her misbehaving. I refused to play her game. I would not get angry, yell,misbehave myself and in a lot of the cases I just didn't react at all to her provacations. If she was detirmined to get a reaction out of me I always made sure that the reaction was one that she had no expectation of. For example, after or during an episode of misbehaving I would suddenly say, "we are going out". Just that, nothing else at all and in reply to her questions of where are we going or I don't want to go I would just say,"You'll see". So, we would go to the park or the river or a nice garden somewhere and all of a sudden the dynamics of the situation have changed entirely. That subconsious desire to exert her power is gone, whatever we are doing is physically tiring for her and she becomes immersed in the reality of the moment and the need for her games is now not relevent to the new situation.

Another thing that I have always done a lot with her is a lot of physical contact. She sits on my knee, I give her lots of hugs, I carry her when she is tired, She is getting too big to carry but she still wants me too all the time so I carry her for 100 steps or so and then put her down and walk holding her hand. I also take the time to tell her that I love her and just how special she is.
Over the course of the years she has become so well behaved with me and at my house. She doesn't need to act out to get attention or to prove her independent power in this world. She's already a winner with me and her reaction is one of a desire to please me.

At home she is still a hellion with her mom. Her mom is actually worse than the child because she should know better than to fall into the same old traps this child sets for her at all times.
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Old 03-01-2011, 11:07 AM
 
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I totally agree w/ suedonym. No computer or TV and stick to it. If she apologizes and is only good for a couple of hours, she's not getting it. Get her involved w/ something else besides TV.
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Old 03-01-2011, 11:50 AM
 
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There is something about 8 yo little girls.... mine started the bratty behavior at that age. We did very much the same as suedonym. We took tv, then computer, then everything. There was one month she had no 'fun' stuff. It was a process that took bout a year to get it through her head that whining and pitching a fit was not going to get her what she wanted. lol, now she tries the sugary sweet approach.

Now-a-days, when she starts whining or getting angry, we basically tell her that we refuse to listen to her until she can talk with respect. It may take a couple tries to get her to speak correctly, at which time we listen. We may or may not agree with what she says, but until she can speak with respect, she doesn't get a chance to plead her case.

Now she is 10 and the new thing is "I forgot".... about everything.... sigh.
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