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Old 03-02-2011, 08:00 AM
 
2,252 posts, read 4,314,700 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
If you are upset at the way you are being treated you should say something. If your other kids are adults they should say something on their own behalf if they are adults.
As Ann Landers used to say: MYOB.

It has nothing to do with you. If your adult children can operate a telephone they can call and ask to see the baby or express dismay that they have not yet seen the baby.

ETA: I quoted momma_bears post because I agree with it.

Last edited by cleasach; 03-02-2011 at 08:01 AM.. Reason: clarity
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Old 03-02-2011, 09:04 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,661,231 times
Reputation: 19409
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Not when I had a baby in the house. If my MIL wanted to vacuum my house NOW that I have preteens/teens then yes I might feel criticized. But when I had a baby and toddlers I would have KISSED HER!!!
Absolutely!
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeavingMassachusetts View Post
This is perhaps one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read. If I asked my son to hold my grandchild and he said that, I am pretty sure my head would explode.
Yeah, no kidding. It takes a pretty ticked off human being to behave in this fashion...madder than a march hare! It takes real contempt to refuse the grandmother like that. Man, but I've met some MIL who I just MIGHT refuse, because of their cruelty. That would be a out and out declaration of "Yeah, well I hate you right back you old hag! How do you like me now!?"

Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
My sister is like the OP's DIL. Now, 8 years later, we have no relationship with her kids. Never an invite to come visit, no invite to their activities, no nothing, except for the annual gift grab on their birthday (they all have the same b-day, triplets) and Xmas. Finally, when the 7th b-day gift grab came around, we all sent our regrets (unbeknown to each other).

and when sis cried to mom about it, my mom gave her a hit on the head with the reality stick. Didn't get an invite to the gift-grab this year... don't know if there was one. Bed. Made. Lie.

Warn your son this can happen to him. Show him my post.
So no one in the family went to see her...help her out with her triplets unless they were invited!? Did no one ever let her know they were coming to help? Please tell me that's not the case.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ADVentive View Post
I agree with this. There are some people who can come visit and you don't feel like you have to clean up or entertain them, that they will accept that your house is a mess right now and won't expect that of you. And there are others who you just feel like your house isn't presentable for company, so it's just easier not to have them over right now. Some people will come over and offer to hold the baby so you can get some laundry and dishes done and make some dinner. But really, I'd prefer if they come over and do the laundry and dishes and make some dinner while I hold the baby!
Rare are those people and yeah, LEARNED to say, "Really?! OMG you're an angel!!"..period!


Oh how nice it was, those very, very few people who walked into the house and just started helping you. Parents, siblings, friends, etc. Gosh, when you get out of the hospital (for me, every time), even if you thought your house was clean when you went in, it seems disgusting and it just seems like you can never catch up! When you have a little one, it seems like you never get enough rest, never have enough time to get things done....Ugh!
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Old 03-02-2011, 01:28 PM
 
6,455 posts, read 9,512,203 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
So no one in the family went to see her...help her out with her triplets unless they were invited!? Did no one ever let her know they were coming to help? Please tell me that's not the case.
No, that's not the case. They had a paid nanny AND my mom stayed with them during the week to help at night. Granted, for the first few months, it wasn't a good idea to be around them because they were about 8-10 weeks premature. But once they were out of that danger zone, still not allowed. Hell, our mutual hairdresser visited and saw them before any of us (aunts, uncles) saw them.

So, they had 6 years of only b-day and Xmas gift grabs, and we just finally had enough and said "*********!"
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Old 03-02-2011, 01:34 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,661,231 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
No, that's not the case. They had a paid nanny AND my mom stayed with them during the week to help at night. Granted, for the first few months, it wasn't a good idea to be around them because they were about 8-10 weeks premature. But once they were out of that danger zone, still not allowed. Hell, our mutual hairdresser visited and saw them before any of us (aunts, uncles) saw them.

So, they had 6 years of only b-day and Xmas gift grabs, and we just finally had enough and said "*********!"
That's really sad, steel...really sad. Of course, I honestly can't imagine what she goes through with triplets. Dear Lord, I could barely handle one at a time...much less 3 at a time. Well, you know, some people just don't seem to need as much family contact as others.
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Old 03-05-2011, 09:45 AM
 
12,438 posts, read 14,569,865 times
Reputation: 14142
Quote:
Originally Posted by ladylolly View Post
My oldest son and his wife had their first baby 2 months ago. I was finally allowed to see the baby at their home last week. The only time I saw the baby before that was at the hospital.
I'm hearing from my other kids and stepkids (all married with kids of their own) that they're all getting pretty upset and starting to get angry that they haven't been allowed to see the baby yet, and it didn't help matters any that my daughter in law posted about 30 pictures of her side of the family holding the baby on Facebook from the day she was home to more recent pictures in their own home, and her relatives homes.

Should I say something to my son about how his brothers and their wives are getting upset? or should I stay out of it?

thanks
I can't quite figure out what you mean when you say you were "allowed" to see the baby after 2 months...If it were my grandbaby, I wouldn't need an invite or permission...I'd be there.Same goes for your other sons and their wives.....If you just showed up, would they shut the door in your face???
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Old 03-05-2011, 02:34 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,661,231 times
Reputation: 19409
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
I can't quite figure out what you mean when you say you were "allowed" to see the baby after 2 months...If it were my grandbaby, I wouldn't need an invite or permission...I'd be there.Same goes for your other sons and their wives.....If you just showed up, would they shut the door in your face???
Agreed! LOL I mean, if for no other reason, they'd want me to see that grandbaby so I'd stop badgering them. You know though, as I've said before, when my kids have fallen "in love" with someone, I have done everything that I can to make those "newcomers" feel like they are a treasured part of our family. They are welcomed in with open arms and treated just like I'd treat any of my children. Even if there was something, a gut feeling, about that person, I would have cut off my own arm, rather than let them see even an inkling of that.

I might speak to my children in private, and extremely tactfully (knowing that they might take the info back to them), but rarely even alluding to the fact that there's something "off" about them or their stories. If I have learned anything in this life it's this; If your child is in love with someone (or thinks they are) and you start saying negative things about them, they're more likely to hold on TIGHTER to that person....to go into "defend them mode". LOL
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