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If I couldn't breastfeed a future child for some reason, I feel like I don't even know how I would parent. I wouldn't feel guilt - I would feel anguish, devastation. It's not that bottle-feeding parents can't bond with their babies, but my whole way of life would be different, and I would worry that our bond would not be like that I have with my two breastfed kids. Some see breastfeeding as just another way to transfer milk into a baby, a feeding method - I don't anymore. It is part of my lifestyle now.
See, and nothing against you ADVentive, but this is exactly why I find Lactivists to be hysterical, for lack of a better term. I would feel anguish and devastation if my child was diagnosed with cancer. My younger brother was born with a chromosome disorder called 18q- syndrome. After months of worry because he wasn't meeting milestones, my Mother was given the news and told he would never speak, never be able to function in society. That is a cause for feelings of devastation and anguish. A friend of mine's baby was still born full term. Again, a reason for anguish and devastation. But to say you would feel anguish and devastation, and that you wouldn't know how to parent your child if you couldn't breastfeed? To me, there are so many worse things, things I have witnessed first hand.
breastfeeding became about more than just the milk for me, it became a way of life, a way of parenting, integral to my relationship with her. If I couldn't breastfeed a future child for some reason, I feel like I don't even know how I would parent. I wouldn't feel guilt - I would feel anguish, devastation. It's not that bottle-feeding parents can't bond with their babies, but my whole way of life would be different, and I would worry that our bond would not be like that I have with my two breastfed kids.
I don't even know what to say to this. I feel very sad for you that you'd feel that you wouldn't know how to parent without breastfeeding (why would you parent any differently?).....To have your identity so wrapped up in one singular aspect of a parent child relationship is infortunate (IMO). You truly don't know that you could bond as well with a non breastfed child? I'm stunned. Truly. And I'm not meaning that as a "slam" by any means. I'm just speechless.
I don't even know what to say to this. I feel very sad for you that you'd feel that you wouldn't know how to parent without breastfeeding (why would you parent any differently?).....To have your identity so wrapped up in one singular aspect of a parent child relationship is infortunate (IMO). You truly don't know that you could bond as well with a non breastfed child? I'm stunned. Truly. And I'm not meaning that as a "slam" by any means. I'm just speechless.
You and me both. It's funny, I actually feel pity for you now versus you feeling pity for the formula fed babies. It truly is sad that you have attached your whole parental relationship on breast feeding.
See, and nothing against you ADVentive, but this is exactly why I find Lactivists to be hysterical, for lack of a better term. I would feel anguish and devastation if my child was diagnosed with cancer. My younger brother was born with a chromosome disorder called 18q- syndrome. After months of worry because he wasn't meeting milestones, my Mother was given the news and told he would never speak, never be able to function in society. That is a cause for feelings of devastation and anguish. A friend of mine's baby was still born full term. Again, a reason for anguish and devastation. But to say you would feel anguish and devastation, and that you wouldn't know how to parent your child if you couldn't breastfeed? To me, there are so many worse things, things I have witnessed first hand.
I am so sorry about your brother and your friend's loss.
This is a wonderful post. (Couldn't rep you again.)
Ditto to maciesmom and Leaving Massachusetts. Such a pathetic, sad life someone must have, to measure her success as a mother by the fluid leaking out of her breast. It makes me grateful my sister and I were both formula-fed. My mom never had to endure that kind of mentality, and we both bonded with her just fine. My immune system is rock solid too by the way. No serious allergies, no significant illness in around 20 years.
Ditto to maciesmom and Leaving Massachusetts. Such a pathetic, sad life someone must have, to measure her success as a mother by the fluid leaking out of her breast.
I don't think ADV is pathetic or sad, but I do think her post gives insight into why she is so passionate about breastfeeding.
To clarify....I didn't mean to imply she was pathetic or sad - I don't believe that to be the case - she is doing what works for her. I think it is sad that a person wouldn't feel like they know how to parent if she couldn't breastfeed. I feel sad for the situation.
And I think this is part of the issue. I think this is WONDERFUL for you. I really do. And I think a lot of activists feel the same way you do. But there are a whole slew of women who do breastfeed, but don't feel any of this. I know many, many women who really don't love breastfeeding but do it because it's cheap and easy for them. And they acknowledge that's why they do it. They also tend to be way less judgy than others, I think. To them, it's just a way to feed their kid. I have an online friend who is BF-ing her third child. She's not in love with it by far, but she can do it so she does. She acknowledges that being a SAHM has been helpful in that. Even if you do inspire others to breastfeed, it doesn't mean everyone will have this amazing transformation.
I understand that not everyone will feel this way about breastfeeding. But the question was why am I passionate about this topic, and I think that this is a big part of the answer on why it is so meaningful to me. That's all.
Breastfeeding isn't the norm. Most adults in the USA were not breastfed. Formula is also not subpar. Formula is nutritionally sound. Compared with, say, vodka, or skim milk, or soured breastmilk, or breastmilk from a crack addict, or partially hydrogenated soy protein, you could say that formula is actually the BEST of all options.
Breastfeeding is the biological norm. There are not advantages to breastfeeding, there are risks to not breastfeeding. That is my point.
See, and nothing against you ADVentive, but this is exactly why I find Lactivists to be hysterical, for lack of a better term. I would feel anguish and devastation if my child was diagnosed with cancer. My younger brother was born with a chromosome disorder called 18q- syndrome. After months of worry because he wasn't meeting milestones, my Mother was given the news and told he would never speak, never be able to function in society. That is a cause for feelings of devastation and anguish. A friend of mine's baby was still born full term. Again, a reason for anguish and devastation. But to say you would feel anguish and devastation, and that you wouldn't know how to parent your child if you couldn't breastfeed? To me, there are so many worse things, things I have witnessed first hand.
I don't expect you to understand being that you haven't had the same experience with it as I have. I realize that you and others may think it is silly or pathetic or whatever that I have attached such meaning to it. But I was asked why I am passionate about the topic, and I am trying to explain what it has meant in my life and with my children. Of course there are worse things that could happen to me than to not be able to breastfeed a future child. There are always worse things that could happen it seems. Being on the edge of the "special needs" parenting community for the past few months has certainly shown me that it can always be harder than what I'm going through. But I can tell you, whether you think it's silly or stupid or pathetic or what, that it really would be devastating to me. Just as it was to the mothers who I mentioned before (the one who had to be treated for cancer and the one whose baby was born with a cleft palate) - when they lost their breastfeeding relationship with their children, it was another heavy blow, in addition to the already difficult medical situations they were in. This is not something that I expect for anyone to understand who hasn't nursed a child, or who hasn't nursed for more than just the food.
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