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Old 03-03-2011, 03:08 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,319,241 times
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If he is on probation I assume he's had a lawyer? (My knowledge of the juvenile legal system of pretty much zilch.) Is the lawyer aware he's come after you with knives. Did you tell the cops that came to the house that he's on probation? Are there court-ordered terms of probation?

I'd call whomever represented him in court, tell him what's going on, and see what the law says about all this. The more I think about it... If he's come after you with knives he can come after the innocent people three doors down. He needs to be someplace where he isn't a threat so society. Because a 14 year old wielding a knife is a threat.

One more thing... Stop saying, "but.. we tried that... if we...I can't...they won't...costs money..."

Don't come up with a knee-jerk "No" to all of the advice you get. You need a really open mind here to find the solution.

 
Old 03-03-2011, 03:22 PM
 
Location: Somewhere out there
128 posts, read 212,644 times
Reputation: 119
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
If he is on probation I assume he's had a lawyer? (My knowledge of the juvenile legal system of pretty much zilch.) Is the lawyer aware he's come after you with knives. Did you tell the cops that came to the house that he's on probation? Are there court-ordered terms of probation?

I'd call whomever represented him in court, tell him what's going on, and see what the law says about all this. The more I think about it... If he's come after you with knives he can come after the innocent people three doors down. He needs to be someplace where he isn't a threat so society. Because a 14 year old wielding a knife is a threat.

One more thing... Stop saying, "but.. we tried that... if we...I can't...they won't...costs money..."

Don't come up with a knee-jerk "No" to all of the advice you get. You need a really open mind here to find the solution.
I can't rep ya, because I already did, but you are right on
 
Old 03-03-2011, 03:42 PM
 
3,777 posts, read 7,163,842 times
Reputation: 4129
Have you talked to the probation officer and told him everything?

Have you talked to the school district? A few years ago my young relative's school district paid for her to go to an out-of-state residential school for troubled girls.
 
Old 03-03-2011, 03:45 PM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,707,814 times
Reputation: 12046
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
He is also under the care of a forensic/adolescent psychiatrist, who really doesn't do much more than prescribe meds (which the kid refuses to take).
What does the psychiatrist say you should do to get him to take his meds? Do the meds help when he takes them?

What does the psychiatrist say about him being committed? Maybe he could help you with that.

Perhaps this site has some information that could help you.

NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness - Mental Health Support, Education and Advocacy

Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
If there's a "crisis" we're supposed to take him to the ER, assuming we can get him there. How do you go from getting a 6 ft kid off the floorbrandishing knifes, and to the ER? Plus, once there, they don't do squat anyways. I've wanted him committed, he's seriously dangerous, but no one will take me seriously.
From your description he does seem to be very very dangerous. I would not be able to overpower my teenaged sons. They are both much stronger than I am.

Is he in school? Have you been able to record any of his outbursts on a video camera (even with a phone)? Maybe you could bring those to the police or the hospital to show them what one of his outbursts look like.

He sounds pretty scary to me. What does your husband say?
 
Old 03-03-2011, 03:48 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,940,518 times
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Are you sure your son's problems are all mental health related and not partly drug related? The sneaking out makes me wonder if drugs are involved.

Sometimes it's hard for anyone to see the difference in behavior. Also, it's not uncommon for children with mental health issues to get involved in drugs.

Your state might have better laws that allow for you to receive help in dealing with him if his behavior is related to illegal drug use.
 
Old 03-03-2011, 04:39 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,434 posts, read 41,608,566 times
Reputation: 46994
I think alot of us are naive about how often problems like this arise in our communities. Distraught parents are at their wits ends with dangerous children. The system so many times fails them. Those of us without experience find it too easy to say"why don't you do this and this and this"

I know we are trying to help but really to berate this mother cause she has exhausted all her insurance, money and what she sees as her options is not doing her any good.

Our systems are not set up to help everybody out, especially young people with mental health issues. I've read her other threads and this son has caused a great deal of frustration and anxiety for her and her family. Offer her concrete advice and don't castigate her for being frustrated when she hears she ought to do so and so when she tells us she has already done that.

Read the papers folks. There are endless stories about horrible crimes committed on parents and families of these troubled young people. Do you think all these families hadn't tried some form of therapy or supervision or anything before it got so bad?

I have no answers for this Mom. I can't even imagine living life this way. But I'm not gonna throw rocks at her for being afraid and frustrated and exhausted either.
 
Old 03-03-2011, 05:40 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,319,241 times
Reputation: 32238
I haven't seen any rocks thrown. I've seen a lot of good advice. Personally, I'm urging her not to say "I can't." everytime someone offers her an idea or advice. Yes. You can. You can do anything if you have to.
 
Old 03-03-2011, 05:41 PM
 
Location: New York City
2,814 posts, read 5,855,216 times
Reputation: 3142
Since your chore chart was such a huge success maybe you can come up with some kind of "Stay in after 7 pm" chart.

On a serious note, you all sound so combative. He calls child welfare on you and you call the police on him. Maybe it's time for him to get residential treatment. It doesn't sound like this is working out.
 
Old 03-03-2011, 05:55 PM
 
Location: New York City
2,814 posts, read 5,855,216 times
Reputation: 3142
Marylee, Do you love this boy?
 
Old 03-03-2011, 06:10 PM
 
9,454 posts, read 15,010,253 times
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To answer the advice given here:

He's been in residential treatment, 3 times. that's how our insurance was exhausted.

Yes, he has an attorney. we moved last summer, this all started in another county, he had an attorney in both counties, actually. attornies aren't free, we paid about $10,000 in attorney fees alone. Financial help for the low income doesn't apply to us, but we can barely make ends meet and have exhausted our funds, including much of our retirement savings.

In Texas, if a juvenile is charged with an offense, its the parents responsibility to provide him with legal counsel, even if the parents are the victims. the lawyer, on the other hand, does his best to get the kid off scott free. The attorney works for the kid, not us. We couldn't afford legal representation for both Ds and ourselves.

Please stop saying there's no such word as can't. Call an attorney, and ask him if he will work for free. You will hear "can't" from them.

Meanwhile, CPS has been involved, he calls them whenever he gets p'od, which is frequent. All cases have been ruled out as BS, but still puts us through the emotional wringer

thanks to the poster who suggested the adovcacy groups, I will give them a try, but usually such organizations have an income limit, and we usually exceed it (together, between dh and me, we gross about 70K, not rich, but don't qualify for any type of assistance)

We did find a counselor who sounds like he may be of some help. We meet with him tomorrow, he is of the opinion that counseling in and of itself isn't going to help, this kid needs some serious consequences to his actions. We also meet with his probation officer tomorrow, I will tell him that this is going beyond what probation is intended to do. Probation means a trial period to see if he can function without breaking any laws. Well, he's obviously not living up to that.


To restate, did anyone really read that part about how last night, 2 police officers had to break up a knife fight between him and dh, then refused to take him into custody? They said they didn't witness any domestic violence, because ds didn't have the knive pointed at dh, it was pointed downward. Well, that's because dh was holding him down. We've had 4 police visits here in the last 2 weeks, all due to violence with knifes, etc, yet they refuse to do squat. Next time, I will take my cue from the police, just ignore the whole thing, if he wants to run around with knifes, so what?


Also, just to clarify, I don't call 911, ds does. he hides the cordless phones, disables the home phone, I believe he stole my cell phone because i can't find it and its turned off so I can't ping it. DS calls 911 then hangs up, then 911 comes out here to investigate. Then DS tells them a ton of crap about us. LIke, for example, last night after the police broke up the fight, they searched ds and found several more knifes on him, and also a cigarette lighter, almost used up. I stated that couldn't be ours, we don't smoke, ds got agitated and called me a f**king liar, said I smoke all the time. Well, anyone can tell from the smell if we're a family of smokers or not.

You're right, I did come here partially to vent, but also do appreciate the advice, I especially like the advice about the advocacy groups. I'm somewhat doubtful they will provide any real assistance, we've dealt with such groups before, but we can always try again.
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