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Old 03-04-2011, 10:31 AM
 
Location: In a house
13,258 posts, read 34,636,559 times
Reputation: 20198

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Y'all are looking to treat the symptoms. I'm looking for the cause of the sickness. What role in the boy's life did the father have, prior to his hitting puberty? What role did the father have in the family dynamic? What role did the single-most influential person in this child's life, take, in this child's life?

 
Old 03-04-2011, 11:19 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,000,336 times
Reputation: 30256
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajzjmsmom View Post
I also find it hard to believe that there are no resources available for a child by all accounts that is violent and out of control.
We need people who live in Texas to answer those questions. It's possible that Texas doesn't allocate many resources to helping families like this.

It's also possible the resources are there but the OP can't find them. It's hard to find resources.

My state has many resources, but I went a couple of years before I could find appropriate resources to help my son with his anxiety disorders. He wasn't a behavior problem, but I still needed more resources to help him even though we have great health insurance and never maxed it out.

I talked to everyone. I talked to school guidance counselors. I talked to the special education department. I talked to his medical doctors. I talked to his mental health professionals. I talked to everyone.

Guess what? NOBODY told me that there were medical social workers. Granted, I never talked to a CPS social worker, but I did talk to the high school social worker who had the duel role as guidance counselor.

As I said, he wasn't a behavioral problem, but he couldn't attend school for a couple of years. You'd think THAT problem would have inspired someone to point me in the direction of appropriate resources.

One day, two years into his having this disabling anxiety disorder, I called the mental health hospital switchboard operator and asked if there was a hospital social worker.

BINGO! I don't even know how the idea came to my mind to ask.

That's when I found out about social security disability and all the extra services that would be available if he were on social security. (I opted to not put my son on disability because I believed there was hope, he always wanted to go into the military, and he wasn't a behavioral problem.)

That's also when I found out about advocacy groups for children with disabilities due to illness. I used that advocacy group to help me push the school district into helping me find an appropriate alternative. I wasn't even trying to make the school district pay for it. I just needed them to help come up with solutions and approve any alternative that didn't meet attendance laws. If I were having problems with his not receiving appropriate medical/mental health treatment, that advocacy group woud have assisted me with that too.

There were many other services available that I learned about via that hospital social worker. I only used the advocacy group because we were able to find a solution that met my son's needs.

My point in sharing this is I know first hand how hard it is to find services. And I live in Pennsylvania, a state that has excellent an excellent school system, excellent services for healthcare, excellent social services, etc. But the OP lives in Texas for goodness sake. That's not a state that's well known for providing social programs.
 
Old 03-04-2011, 11:24 AM
 
2,859 posts, read 6,257,654 times
Reputation: 5098
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick View Post
Y'all are looking to treat the symptoms. I'm looking for the cause of the sickness. What role in the boy's life did the father have, prior to his hitting puberty? What role did the father have in the family dynamic? What role did the single-most influential person in this child's life, take, in this child's life?
Good parents can have not-so-good kids. It really sounds like this boy has a mental illness and all the fathering in the world won't prevent a mental illness.
 
Old 03-04-2011, 11:30 AM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 7,932,869 times
Reputation: 3129
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
We need people who live in Texas to answer those questions. It's possible that Texas doesn't allocate many resources to helping families like this.

It's also possible the resources are there but the OP can't find them. It's hard to find resources.

My state has many resources, but I went a couple of years before I could find appropriate resources to help my son with his anxiety disorders. He wasn't a behavior problem, but I still needed more resources to help him even though we have great health insurance and never maxed it out.

I talked to everyone. I talked to school guidance counselors. I talked to the special education department. I talked to his medical doctors. I talked to his mental health professionals. I talked to everyone.

Guess what? NOBODY told me that there were medical social workers. Granted, I never talked to a CPS social worker, but I did talk to the high school social worker who had the duel role as guidance counselor.

As I said, he wasn't a behavioral problem, but he couldn't attend school for a couple of years. You'd think THAT problem would have inspired someone to point me in the direction of appropriate resources.

One day, two years into his having this disabling anxiety disorder, I called the mental health hospital switchboard operator and asked if there was a hospital social worker.

BINGO! I don't even know how the idea came to my mind to ask.

That's when I found out about social security disability and all the extra services that would be available if he were on social security. (I opted to not put my son on disability because I believed there was hope, he always wanted to go into the military, and he wasn't a behavioral problem.)

That's also when I found out about advocacy groups for children with disabilities due to illness. I used that advocacy group to help me push the school district into helping me find an appropriate alternative. I wasn't even trying to make the school district pay for it. I just needed them to help come up with solutions and approve any alternative that didn't meet attendance laws. If I were having problems with his not receiving appropriate medical/mental health treatment, that advocacy group woud have assisted me with that too.

There were many other services available that I learned about via that hospital social worker. I only used the advocacy group because we were able to find a solution that met my son's needs.

My point in sharing this is I know first hand how hard it is to find services. And I live in Pennsylvania, a state that has excellent an excellent school system, excellent services for healthcare, excellent social services, etc. But the OP lives in Texas for goodness sake. That's not a state that's well known for providing social programs.
I am originally from Texas and I find it very hard to believe that there are no resources for this family. While I never had a child with issues such as this, I know a friend who does and he hasn't had any issues getting his son help. He lives in the Dallas area. So I think resources are there, they just require the OP to get more proactive then she is, unfortunately locking your child out is not the way to handle it.

I don't have the time to go back and read all of the OP's post but is her DS her biological child or adopted?
 
Old 03-04-2011, 11:48 AM
 
1,302 posts, read 1,529,921 times
Reputation: 1916
So CPS, the school system, the police and countless psychiatrists have all said too bad, so sad? A plethora of adults charged with dealing with this type of situation have all said "nothing we can do" ? People in charge of the well being of society have encountered a psychotic, knife-weilding, out-of-control, mentally-ill child and said a chore chart is the best way to go?

Something doesn't add up.
 
Old 03-04-2011, 11:53 AM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 7,932,869 times
Reputation: 3129
This post disturbs me to no end, to think that a child that is so violent cannot be helped. No parent EVER wants to get to this point, but maybe it is time the OP has him arrested and sent to juvie. If he really is threatening his sister and mother with a knife that is assault and an adult would be arrested if they were doing this. To think the CPS and the police don't think this is a serious matter blows my mind, if this boy is as violent as we are being told and if he is only violent at home and does not get in trouble in school, then he has awesome control. I would think if someone had such seemingly serious mental issues as we are being told he does, then that person would be unable to control themselves and would be doing this at school. Like I said I have only read some of the OP's previous posts so it is possible I am missing part of the story in regards to this child.
 
Old 03-04-2011, 11:58 AM
 
Location: In a house
13,258 posts, read 34,636,559 times
Reputation: 20198
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeavingMassachusetts View Post
So CPS, the school system, the police and countless psychiatrists have all said too bad, so sad? A plethora of adults charged with dealing with this type of situation have all said "nothing we can do" ? People in charge of the well being of society have encountered a psychotic, knife-weilding, out-of-control, mentally-ill child and said a chore chart is the best way to go?

Something doesn't add up.
No, you missed the part where the kid calls CPS on the parents all the time, and CPS never finds fault...but keeps coming back time and time again...never finds fault, but never does anything about the problem of a kid who keeps calling CPS on their parents. Wasted taxpayers' money - wasted efforts of an already-overburdened system, wasted time and efforts of the CPS case workers who probably would love to see an actual success story once in awhile...

and yet - this kid keeps displaying dangerous behavior, violating probation, breaking the law, threatening his parents, placing false abuse reports, and everyone on every single side of this EXCEPT for the mother, says "oh. Nice to hear from you again Johnny. Now go get your knives and play like a good little boy. And Mom, try to play nice with your son, there's a good girl."

Not buying it. Not for a moment. Not even a little bit.
 
Old 03-04-2011, 12:18 PM
 
9,454 posts, read 15,025,607 times
Reputation: 15409
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick View Post
Y'all are looking to treat the symptoms. I'm looking for the cause of the sickness. What role in the boy's life did the father have, prior to his hitting puberty? What role did the father have in the family dynamic? What role did the single-most influential person in this child's life, take, in this child's life?

He works and earns a living. that's more than many fathers out there can boast of. Also, he lost his 6-figure job when the CPS investigations started. They just show up at work, flash their badges, and ask damaging questions, like does he smoke, drink, do drugs, etc. they never come back to explain the case was unfounded and ruled out.

For the past 4 years, Daddy has worke 2-3 jobs to support us, comes home exhausted, and still does his best.All the while dodging one CPS investigation after another.

Really, to accuse my dh as "being the cause of the boy's "sickness" is sick in itself.
 
Old 03-04-2011, 12:33 PM
 
9,454 posts, read 15,025,607 times
Reputation: 15409
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeavingMassachusetts View Post
So CPS, the school system, the police and countless psychiatrists have all said too bad, so sad? A plethora of adults charged with dealing with this type of situation have all said "nothing we can do" ? People in charge of the well being of society have encountered a psychotic, knife-weilding, out-of-control, mentally-ill child and said a chore chart is the best way to go?

Something doesn't add up.

Whether you chose to believe it or not, that's exactly what happened.

We've had police out here so many times we've lost count. I filed charges of aggravated assualt, the DA dropped them. He's been in 3 RTS facilities, yes, that's all they said, a chore chart (actually a list of rules0 is all they suggested.

LIke I said, we moved last summer. the previous county we lived in, he was actually arrested and spent several one-night stays in juvenile, then spent 3 months in juvenile. They have pictures of bruises he inflicted on me. But when we moved, even though the probation carries, this county doesn't seem to want to do anything except tell him what a great kid he is.

Whenever they come out here, tye just talk, tell him he's a great kid with a great future, don't blow it, yadda, yadda, they never do anything else. I tell them he's on probation, they just shrug it off.

Belioeve what you wish, but thats the "help" I've gotten from the system. Oh, also, he was in an alternative school for discipline problems last year, for about 3 months. That was court ordered, didn't seem to have any effect.

Either the system doesn't do squat, or whatever they do simply doesn't have any effect. There's essentially no consequences on the kid, its all on us. BTW, we also have to pay $50/month for probation fees. Please don't tell me to make him pay it, he's too young to get a job


Also, last year he made a habit of stealing my credit cards and ordering up games, etc. When we found out, we filed charges. In Texas, if a juvenile is charged with a crime, its the paren'ts responsibility to pay for legal representation, even if the parents are the victims. So, we had to pay for an attorney for him! Total cost was $2500, and the attorney got the charges dropped. Then, ds had another court date, a routine date, the very night before the court date, he did it again---stole my credit cards and ordered up some games. I had a fraud alert and was notified immediately. when we went to court, this was his second offense at credit card theft, they dismissed the charges. They said oh, geez, poor little boy, he's only 13, and a second offense, a felony on his record, would put him in TYC for a year minimum and give him a record that isn't easily erased, they didn't want that to happen, so the DA dropped the charges and faulted me for leaving the credit card within his reach!

Look, I keep as much track of my cc as possible, I can't be expected to wear them around my neck. also, I have a fraud alert. No, the court system simply allows these kids to get away with whatever they please and seldom assess blame where it should.



If I come across as the victim, well, what else would you call it?Certainly not the winner!
 
Old 03-04-2011, 12:34 PM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 7,932,869 times
Reputation: 3129
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
He works and earns a living. that's more than many fathers out there can boast of. Also, he lost his 6-figure job when the CPS investigations started. They just show up at work, flash their badges, and ask damaging questions, like does he smoke, drink, do drugs, etc. they never come back to explain the case was unfounded and ruled out.

For the past 4 years, Daddy has worke 2-3 jobs to support us, comes home exhausted, and still does his best.All the while dodging one CPS investigation after another.

Really, to accuse my dh as "being the cause of the boy's "sickness" is sick in itself.

I really didn't view Anonchick of accusing your husband of being the cause of your son's problems, what she asked was what your husbands role was in the boys life.

I would really like to see my questions answered about your son.
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