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Old 03-06-2011, 05:22 PM
 
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We moved into a new area 3 weeks ago. I have a young 12 year old daughter who is as cute and friendly as can be. She has a 16 year old boy who wants to be her boyfriend. My daughter has told him numerous times that she is not interested in have any boyfriend. This guy says hateful things when he is rejected and my daughter cries. She wants nothing to do with him. He calls and stalks her. What should I do? This is scaring both of us. What does a 16 year old want with a 12 year old anyway?

 
Old 03-06-2011, 07:20 PM
 
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Where is she interacting with this boy? If at school, notify them immediately so they know to look out for him. Tell them you want no contact. If he lives in your neighborhood, I would go visit his parents first thing tomorrow. Let them no in no uncertain terms that you want no more contact between their son and your daughter. Tell them no calls, no visits, no friendship, nothing. Tell them you will be monitoring carefully, documenting, and if it happens again, you will call the police.

Be proactive, but definitely go the parent route first. They may have no idea he's doing this. Or if they have an inkling, this may be a wake-up call. Then, take away her access to phone/computer (temporarily) and you monitor it to either make sure it stops, or document.
 
Old 03-06-2011, 07:49 PM
 
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I wouldn't mess around with this at all ... in many states, this is bordering on felony behavior if it escalates beyond the harrassment stage. I'd want the legal authorities involved in this ASAP, so that the boy and his parents know for sure what they're dealing with. I'd expect with this much age difference that we're not in a school setting, either ... that's 6 or 7th grade girl and a High School age boy.

I'd contact my local sheriff's dept and present the problem to the deputy. Let them approach the parents and the boy with the concerns ... and lay the groundwork for a "peace warrant" to be issued if there's any more contact by the boy to your daughter. Put the burden completely upon them to behave responsibly ... you don't need to deal with what may be an adverse situation at their home.
 
Old 03-06-2011, 08:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunsprit View Post
I wouldn't mess around with this at all ... in many states, this is bordering on felony behavior if it escalates beyond the harrassment stage. I'd want the legal authorities involved in this ASAP, so that the boy and his parents know for sure what they're dealing with. I'd expect with this much age difference that we're not in a school setting, either ... that's 6 or 7th grade girl and a High School age boy.

I'd contact my local sheriff's dept and present the problem to the deputy. Let them approach the parents and the boy with the concerns ... and lay the groundwork for a "peace warrant" to be issued if there's any more contact by the boy to your daughter. Put the burden completely upon them to behave responsibly ... you don't need to deal with what may be an adverse situation at their home.

No way! He just sounds like a clueless -- and lonely 16 year old boy. I'd go the parent route first. Calling the cops this early may escalate the situation -- who knows, the parents may side w/ him b/c you called the cops on him (since getting the cops involved may indeed lead to charges and money spent on lawyers and a son who can't get a job for the rest of his life) and this may incite him to get angry, when he wasn't angry to begin with and then it may go on a downward spiral from there. I'd definitely talk to the parents first and asap.
 
Old 03-06-2011, 08:12 PM
 
Location: NW. MO.
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I'd be chatting with his parents. Tell them how uncomfortable he is making your daughter and that she is only a child of 12 years old.
 
Old 03-06-2011, 08:28 PM
 
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1. If something in their schedules is causing them to have contact in public (ie, back to back piano lessons or other activities), change your daughter's time ASAP as to avoid all potential run-ins.

2. Contact his parents & try to get support on that end. If he is sending harrassing/ pressuring texts/emails/FB messages, SHOW THE PARENTS! If he is calling her non-stop, do not delete her call log & SHOW THE PARENTS. DO NOT DELETE ANY PROOF OF EXCESSIVE CONTACT HE IS MAKING.

3. If the parents don't nip it in the bud, involve the school - provided they are at the same school.

4. As a last resort, involve your local police.

My instinct is that he's got awkard social skills and not that he's a serial stalker wack job - although you never know these days!
 
Old 03-06-2011, 08:42 PM
 
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I am surprised that a boy that age would be interested in a 12 year old girl. I would contact his parents and discuss this issue with them.
 
Old 03-06-2011, 09:04 PM
Status: "I want summer back." (set 15 days ago)
 
Location: NYC
1,416 posts, read 1,225,437 times
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You say he calls her.. so he must be calling the house? How did he get her number? How does he stalk her? Does he follow her?

If he does call her, tell him right over the phone to leave her alone, and threaten to tell his parents if he doesn't stay away from her, or when you see him following her tell him to his face.
 
Old 03-06-2011, 09:09 PM
 
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Parents first. School second. Authorities third.

If that fails, have a personal talk with him.
 
Old 03-06-2011, 09:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gottasay View Post
No way! He just sounds like a clueless -- and lonely 16 year old boy.(snip).
Did you read the OP's post?

This 16 year old boy isn't simply being awkward around a much younger child in a "clueless" kind of way ...

He's "stalking the girl" to a point where she is clearly afraid.

He's brought her to tears repeatedly and repeatedly been verbally abusive to her, where she's wound up crying and clearly in distress over his actions.

Does that really sound to you like behavior less than an aggressive bully? Is there any sign of empathy or consideration on the part of this boy?

This isn't the behavior of a normal kid who is just a little "lonely", this is someone who appears to take pleasure in causing serious distress to another kid ... and a much younger one, at that. The younger one has apparently made it clear that she doesn't like or want the attention/assaults she's getting from this boy.

I don't have any tolerance for a near adult with this level of indifference and bullying to others, especially a significantly younger child. My children have been there, years ago ... and I and my ex both tried to reason with the other parents, who had taught their boy that what he was doing was OK treatment of others. The encounters we had with them were less than pleasureable, hearing all of their rationalizations about their boy just being a boy ... and their threats to us personally if we didn't like what their kid was doing.

My ex wound up having her car and house vandalized, my children had their bicvcles and stuff stolen or vandalized, and the boy just kept on coming back with more and more happiness in causing others a lot of misery ... if not financial loss. The parents were of the defiant "you can't prove it's my boy" doing all the stuff attitude, but my kids were able to positively identify the boy causing the problems to them face to face. My kids were terrified by the stalking and abuse to the point that they wouldn't go to school because they were afraid that they'd have another encounter with the boy ... whose class hours allowed him to be around when my kids were walking home everday from their school. My kids learned hard lessons about being careless with leaving their bicycles in the front yard, too, and forgetting about them.

To make a very long story short ... my children (and ex) were finally free'd from this bully when he met his fate breaking in to another house in the neighborhood, with apparent intent to (sexually) assault another youngster, a 12 year old 6th grader. Fortunately for that family, the child was the daughter of a LEO and she'd been trained to use the family small gauge shotgun .... which was adequate to stop the threat to her. Unfortunately, the lad did not survive the ride to the hospital after she called 911 to report the situation.

IMO, if we'd have gone to the authorities in the first place, we would have saved all of the aggravation (and confrontations with the parents) and fear by stopping the problem to begin with. Not only that, but it's likely that the lad would have received the professional help he needed instead of taking his bullying to the level of a felony breaking and entering and assault. He was suspected by us of having done a number of other neighborhood assaults my boys related to us, and perhaps some molestation of some even younger girls in the neighborhood. But the other parents were just like us ... they didn't bring in the appropriate authorities.

As I indicated, my tolerance level for anti-social behavior from kids well past an age to know better is pretty limited these days. We've had another, more recent experience, with us being stalked by a neighbor's 16 year old ... to the point where my wife feared for her safety. I didn't mess around this time, I called the Sheriff's dept and explained our concern to the deputy about the boy's behavior. The deputy made a house call to the folks and let them know what the boy was doing ... as well as the concern that if anything happened around the neighborhood, the boy would be a prime suspect. The boy was cautioned by the deputy to cease his behavior, and it seemed to work. Oh ... I should mention ... his older brother was busted a couple of years ago as the ringleader in a theft ring that broke into our local schools and stole computers and electronics gear. Their last break in resulted in over $100,000 worth of vandalism to the school as well as the loss of 25 computers. The family just seemed to raise their kids that way ... I had a less than comfortable or pleasant encounter with the Dad when he trespassed on my property and threatened to beat me up because I asked him to leave.

I don't believe that the OP needs to add to her problems by dealing with parents she doesn't know. They've got a problem kid, and she's not a professional at dealing with the situation. Far better to let the pro's deal with it. You can whine all you want that it's not polite nor nice to deal with the situation this way, but that's my experience with it and that's my opinion. You may have better social skills than I do in these situations of dealing with other parents, but I've come to a point in my life where I don't harbor unrealistic expectations of civil and reasonable behavior from folks like this ....

Last edited by sunsprit; 03-06-2011 at 09:54 PM..
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