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View Poll Results: If your senior wanted to attend "Beach Week" with 12 other teens, and no parents, an hour
No way. Not even WITH a parent. It's a recipe for disaster. 17 19.10%
No way. No parents...no go. If we can agree on parents staying, as was the original plan, then okay. 26 29.21%
Kid can go if he/she pays, and you (their parent) are free to show up at anytime to see how things are going. 19 21.35%
Sure...no problem. Go have a great time. Here's some money. See you in a week. 15 16.85%
Something other that the above...and please explain below. 12 13.48%
Voters: 89. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 03-15-2011, 05:56 AM
 
892 posts, read 1,381,545 times
Reputation: 276
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
If you're still telling your kid what they can and can't do at 18, where they can and cannot go and if they can go on an overnight trip once they are a legal adult you fail.

The DAY he turns 18, he should be making all his own decisions because he is an adult and if you continue to make those decisions for him, he'll be crippled in the maturity and social areas.
I agree- you have to let them grow up which means learning from their mistakes when mommy isn't around.

MY D18 has definitely had her share and learned alot.

she is on a cruise for spring break( with a girlfriend and her family) and I do not plan to check on her much-I want to get used to it since she is going to college soon and cell service is $$$ on cruise.
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Old 03-15-2011, 06:15 AM
 
Location: Minneeeesoootah
3,489 posts, read 4,374,885 times
Reputation: 3315
If he is 18, can you really say no? If you think anything is going to happen at this beach house, that isn't happening already or is going to happen at "home' then you need to realize they will do what they need to, where ever they can. Let him enjoy this time with his friends, it will be his graduation memories he can look back on. Relax mom, they need to grow.

I have 3 adult children as well and have been through alot, I am thankful my first 3 "broke" me in, for the next 3.
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Old 03-15-2011, 07:38 AM
Status: "Happy Halloween!" (set 6 days ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
69,140 posts, read 58,270,444 times
Reputation: 19697
Quote:
Originally Posted by hlsess View Post
I agree- you have to let them grow up which means learning from their mistakes when mommy isn't around.

MY D18 has definitely had her share and learned alot.

she is on a cruise for spring break( with a girlfriend and her family) and I do not plan to check on her much-I want to get used to it since she is going to college soon and cell service is $$$ on cruise.
Well, it sounds like she's getting a lot of adult oversight, both from the friend's family, and from the fact of being on a cruise.

Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe View Post
If he is 18, can you really say no? If you think anything is going to happen at this beach house, that isn't happening already or is going to happen at "home' then you need to realize they will do what they need to, where ever they can. Let him enjoy this time with his friends, it will be his graduation memories he can look back on. Relax mom, they need to grow.

I have 3 adult children as well and have been through alot, I am thankful my first 3 "broke" me in, for the next 3.
I never really bought the argument that a parent's options ran out on the 18th birthday, especially if the kids are still in high school and being supported by the parents. Achieving adulthood is a gradual thing, not something that happens overnight. Somehow I doubt a huge drunken party with significant property damage would occur in the parents' home with them there.
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Old 03-15-2011, 07:51 AM
 
Location: Derby, KS
3,832 posts, read 7,818,237 times
Reputation: 1557
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
If you're still telling your kid what they can and can't do at 18, where they can and cannot go and if they can go on an overnight trip once they are a legal adult you fail.

The DAY he turns 18, he should be making all his own decisions because he is an adult and if you continue to make those decisions for him, he'll be crippled in the maturity and social areas.
His parents are still financially responsible for their son. Who would bail his butt out of jail if he got arrested during this week long drunkfest on the beach? Momma. The kid probably doesn't have a decent job either so I'm sure they'd have to foot the bill for the lawyer too.

I'm guessing mom and pops are still going to foot the bill for his college education. As long as that is the case they make the rules....adult or not.

If he doesn't want to live under their rules then he's free to mess up his life any way he chooses. They can just turn off the money faucet. Giving him total freedom while supporting him financially 100% is a recipe for disaster. 18 year olds make bad, impulsive decisions based on their gonads. And as long as he's being backed financially he'll feel like it's ok to proceed.

Everybody in that family knows who holds the power to end all of his fun. If he wants to strike out on his own and have lifetime-long party it's his call. They don't have to foot the bill for it.

However, the guy could very well mess up his life if she wasn't going to intervine. Could you ethically watch your children flounder their way through their young adult life without a care?

I've got 3 kids. As much as I'd like to boot them out of the nest at 18 I realize that I was once that age and I made a lot of mistakes that I wish I hadn't. I shouldn't hover over them but I still feel like they will need some guidence to avoid making similar mistakes.
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Old 03-15-2011, 09:16 AM
 
Location: Minneeeesoootah
3,489 posts, read 4,374,885 times
Reputation: 3315
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
Well, it sounds like she's getting a lot of adult oversight, both from the friend's family, and from the fact of being on a cruise.



I never really bought the argument that a parent's options ran out on the 18th birthday, especially if the kids are still in high school and being supported by the parents. Achieving adulthood is a gradual thing, not something that happens overnight. Somehow I doubt a huge drunken party with significant property damage would occur in the parents' home with them there.
I never said that parents had no options, they deserve to have some freedom when they are of legal age. You are also assuming that they are so irresponsible that they would let that happen. Trust goes a long way.
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Old 03-15-2011, 12:13 PM
Status: "Happy Halloween!" (set 6 days ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
69,140 posts, read 58,270,444 times
Reputation: 19697
Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe View Post
I never said that parents had no options, they deserve to have some freedom when they are of legal age. You are also assuming that they are so irresponsible that they would let that happen. Trust goes a long way.
What did I assume? There has been plenty of talk on this thread about concerns about wild partying and sex. I'm just saying, these are things that are unlikely to happen at home with the parents present, in response to a post that said they'd find a way to do this at home, as well.

I have actually raised kids to adulthood. I've seen and heard a lot, both from my own kids and other people. Often, the parents only find stuff out when money is owed, the law is broken and their kids need to be bailed out, etc. There's a difference between giving kids some freedom and just letting them rip! It only takes a few, too, to turn a party from a fairly low-key affair into a wild mess. Just ask around. I'd be concerned, too, with kids who've never been on their own before doing this w/o any adult presence.
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Old 03-15-2011, 05:50 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,477 posts, read 3,129,204 times
Reputation: 2396
Quote:
Originally Posted by drjones96 View Post
His parents are still financially responsible for their son. Who would bail his butt out of jail if he got arrested during this week long drunkfest on the beach? Momma. The kid probably doesn't have a decent job either so I'm sure they'd have to foot the bill for the lawyer too.

I'm guessing mom and pops are still going to foot the bill for his college education. As long as that is the case they make the rules....adult or not.

If he doesn't want to live under their rules then he's free to mess up his life any way he chooses. They can just turn off the money faucet. Giving him total freedom while supporting him financially 100% is a recipe for disaster. 18 year olds make bad, impulsive decisions based on their gonads. And as long as he's being backed financially he'll feel like it's ok to proceed.

Everybody in that family knows who holds the power to end all of his fun. If he wants to strike out on his own and have lifetime-long party it's his call. They don't have to foot the bill for it.

However, the guy could very well mess up his life if she wasn't going to intervine. Could you ethically watch your children flounder their way through their young adult life without a care?

I've got 3 kids. As much as I'd like to boot them out of the nest at 18 I realize that I was once that age and I made a lot of mistakes that I wish I hadn't. I shouldn't hover over them but I still feel like they will need some guidence to avoid making similar mistakes.

Yes because he's 18 he's going to run around with his junk hanging out seeking every female in a 5 mile radius and will have a Corona permanently stuck to his hand.

If he makes a mistake and ends up in jail, his parents SHOULDN'T bail him out.
They shouldn't pay for a lawyer because they court appoint a free one for those who can't afford one.

Its that simple.
They shouldn't control him or wipe up after his messes now that he is 18.
And im floundering though life and my mom doesn't give a damn.
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Old 03-15-2011, 05:56 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,477 posts, read 3,129,204 times
Reputation: 2396
DrJones96, did those mistake direct your life in a different direction, make you see something you needed to see, were they necessary for you to grow and learn and mature?
Every mistake in a persons life opens their eyes to something new, and in a way makes them mature and learn and grow from it and it makes them who they are today....

Mistakes in life are necessary.
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Old 03-15-2011, 05:59 PM
 
Location: NC
1,696 posts, read 2,215,931 times
Reputation: 1793
i cant believe this thread is still going on....LOL

i can tell you (from personal experience) that the stuff I did BEFORE i was 18... still living at home...and home by my 11pm curfew... was FAR worse than anything I did after i turned 18 and moved out.
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Old 03-15-2011, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
4,012 posts, read 4,945,224 times
Reputation: 3524
Smile Just my opinion

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I agree. But that won't be on MY watch. This, IS my watch.

I should add, that the whole trust issue is sticky for me. In November, I was camping, and had a call at midnight from my ex. He was at MY house, throwing out a bunch of drunk kids. My son was supposed to be with his dad that night, and had lied and said he was going to spend the night at a friends house after going to a birthday party. Long story short...my ex figured out what was going on and entered my house at 12am to one kid throwing up in the toilet, and another in my kitchen. Our son was drunk as well. Up until then, I would have bet you money that my son knew better to 1) drink and 2) lie to me or his dad. If you think I was pissed, you'd be on the right track. I will say, all the kids had made sure that there was to be safe transportation home, from others...no one drank and drove.

But I was livid and devastated. Punishment was no car and grounded for a month. And now, my son thinks I should trust him. I want to...but damn. Yes he will be off to college next fall...but I'd like to think I did my part to make sure he survives long enough to get there.
Trust your gut. You are right. Too much freedom turns into trouble - often. Always an exception but often. The amount of excessive drinking today is off the wall, much more than in years gone by and it's a recipe for disaster. IF something happens, the person who signed the lease is in for big problems. You are a PARENT not a friend. In a year, they won't even remember but they will remember if someone gets injured or killed. Too risky -sorry - I've seen too many parties with kids - my daughter had a sweet 16 and thank God, we had it at a hotel with security. Two carloads came to crash it from a different school and one of them had a gun. Well worth the security. They didn't even know her.

My sister put her foot down with her kids and now, one of them is 23 and is thanking her for being there for her and saying NO some of the time.

Let us know how it goes.

Remember, a lot of these kids might not yet be 18, may be only 17. That may be a problem in itself.
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