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Ok, since my daughter's boyfriend left last night to go be in his teammate's corner because the coach had a family emergency. I was told he'd be home late tonight. I decided to just move in since that would allows me to adjust to the place and spend some lone time with my daughter before he get back.
I know this is so bad of me, but I have never really got known to him for various reasons, but mainly because they doesn't live too close and my husband and I was having a lot of problem. So usually I would try to avoid being home by meeting my daughter for lunch or something and spend holidays at family's place.
I have seen him only a few time. He has always been really quiet and seems somewhat shy especially if people are around. He spend most of the time just listening and observing unless spoke to directly. I just remember he spoke very softly despite of having a deep voice for someone of his size. Other weird traits is, he avoid eyes contact whenever possible.
I find it hard to imagine how someone can get into professional fighting if they don't enjoy hurting people. I am sure he don't feel bad if he leave someone laying unconscious or hurt them in the match and he also teach and train others to do the same. I just look at this as him having blood on his hands and taking pride in it especially since he is very involved in this type of thing. I cannot imagine myself being proud of any of those accomplishment.
This make me feel he is less hesitate to get physically and god forbid, if he ever lay a hand on my daughter, I don't want to think about how much damages he could do. I have touched his hands and his knuckles feel like rock, that doesn't put me at ease at all.
I asked my daughter about the tattoos today. She says they represent his life, Buddha is what help him get through rough time and often credit the teaching for the reason he's still alive, samurai is who he is, and few other things.
I was very disappointed to learn that she wants to get a tattoo soon.
I was surprised and disgust to find that he have a small room he set apart that he turned into his lounge room. It have a couple of weird art works of blood, people cutting their own stomach, sinister looking women, and other things. I was told by my daughter that he used to have them all over until she asked him to move them into this room. I also learned he smoke cigars in this room. But I have to say I was impressed to see he have a large collection of books on shelves.
I was told by my daughter that during weekday, she's gone a lot due to work and school, but her boyfriend will be around and he tend to do most of the chores and cooking when not training or working out during the weekday. Then on the weekend she would do everything while he have the weekend off.
I'm happy to hear that he seems to be helping around a lot, but the idea of my daughter being gone a lot is a bit unnerving. This man is almost a stranger to me. Regardless, I'm still very grateful for what he did. However I still can't help it but feeling somewhat uneasy about him. But I guess I need to get over that.
you really should find somewhere else to live. you will never like this man for all your walls and preconceived ideas you have about him. it really isn't healthy for your daughter's relationship for you to be living there. you would do better to be a roommate with women your own age with likes and dislikes the same as you.
until you get over your own stereotypes you will always be suspicious and leery. not a good way to be
Here's a thought: Ask him about his tattoos. Have him explain them to you. Ask him about his art. Have him tell you why he chose those pictures.
You need to get to know this man. Sit down and talk with him. Ask questions. Be prepared to tell him about your own life.
Who knows. You could end up loving him as much as your daughter does. Right now all your pre-conceived notions about him are stopping you from seeing the real "him".
Is your daughter a good and decent woman? Did you raise her well? If so, you need to trust her judgement in picking this man to share her life with.
If she wanted a banker or clean cut guy she would be living with one of them. Either none of them worked out, or she discovered they were not what she had pictured. As long as he is a good person, good to her and does his share - what else matters?
Here's a thought: Ask him about his tattoos. Have him explain them to you. Ask him about his art. Have him tell you why he chose those pictures.
You need to get to know this man. Sit down and talk with him. Ask questions. Be prepared to tell him about your own life.
Who knows. You could end up loving him as much as your daughter does. Right now all your pre-conceived notions about him are stopping you from seeing the real "him".
Is your daughter a good and decent woman? Did you raise her well? If so, you need to trust her judgement in picking this man to share her life with.
Maybe his outward appearance has nothing to do w/ why your daughter likes this guy. It's the heart of a person that counts. I agree w/ DewDropInn to get to know him. Ask about his tattoos. Both my husband and I enjoy professional fighting, him more than me. It's a sport! Many of these guys say a prayer before the fight and hug eachother after the fight. My husband is into Martial Arts. He is a big fan of Bruce Lee and probably has every book and dvd ever printed or made. He has a library w/ books on Karate, Tae Kwon Do, Jeet Kune Do, Tai Chi, Kung Fu, Qi Gung, to name a few. He has trained and fought w/ professionals, yet he doesn't have a mean bone in him. To understand Chinese Martial Arts, you have to study and understand Buddhism Phylosophy. From what you describe about her boyfriend, he'd probably love to train w/ my husband.
I asked my daughter about the tattoos today. She says they represent his life, Buddha is what help him get through rough time and often credit the teaching for the reason he's still alive, samurai is who he is, and few other things.
I was very disappointed to learn that she wants to get a tattoo soon.
I was surprised and disgust to find that he have a small room he set apart that he turned into his lounge room. It have a couple of weird art works of blood, people cutting their own stomach, sinister looking women, and other things. I was told by my daughter that he used to have them all over until she asked him to move them into this room. I also learned he smoke cigars in this room. But I have to say I was impressed to see he have a large collection of books on shelves.
In Buddhism and other Eastern philosophies, there are many intimidating characters! Their images are symbolic, and deeply meaningful. Right now, I have Kali as my facebook picture - look up google images of her if you want to see a disturbing picture! It is quite violent. But the images - the severed head, the sword, the belt of skulls - all mean something. It's going to be VERY important for you to learn how to not judge by external appearances - and that can be something that will benefit you for the rest of your life, in many different areas! And wow, he was willing to move those pictures out of the main living area, despite their significance to him? This guy is VERY giving.
I bet there's something in one of those books about acceptance, and not judging - maybe you could ask to borrow one?
Wow... He got up at 11. But he actually is a very different person from what I thought.
He smiles more, is more talkative but still talk with very soft and gentle voice, and laugh a lot. He seems playful and somewhat mischievous as well. He asked me and my daughter if we want brunch shortly after he woke up. He also asked me if everything was ok and if anything need to be done then told me a bit about the house and repairs he have done to it and other things.
He spent most of the day reading a book until my daughter asked him if he'd like to cook dinner tonight which he took up.
I have to say I was threw off by this. I guess he's just a different person when he's home. I've not asked him about tattoos or any of art works yet.
I looked up Kali. He doesn't have anything similar but who know, one of those pictures he have might have similar meaning behind them. Most of his artworks are bloody, aggressive, evil looking, and warlike. That is why my daughter asked him to take them out of main living space. His tattoos are nothing similar to those, they doesn't show any evilness. I will find out more sooner or later.
Everything just seems to be really contrasting.
I talked to my daughter a bit about him fighting. She says his step father was abusive, so he took up martial arts and got started and did well, so he never left. She also says he make more than most people they know and have a very flexible schedule which is the other reasons he stay in. She says he's thinking about retiring from fighting in the next few years due to numerous injuries.
However it bothers me when she says he doesn't seems to have any hard feeling about what happened to his opponent or what his opponent did to him. She pretty much says it is all part of the sport and even stated that most injuries happened in training!
When I asked her why he isn't like all other times I've seen him, she says he doesn't really like to be around group of people.
I don't recall seeing very many martial arts related things around the house at all, but there are a couple Buddha statues and pictures here and he have a tattoo of Buddha as well.
Dinner is ready, I should get going. Thanks for all insight and help. I'll try ask him about the tattoos and arts and post the update.
I don't see this living arrangement working out very well. He is a gem to even let you come live with them and you seem to have already made up your mind about what kind of man he is.
My mother lived with me and my family for 10 years. she had a large suite, my husband was beyond patient, I had 2 kids to raise and having her with us almost broke up our marriage. And she loved my husband dearly. This just doesn't look too good to me.
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