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We started when the kids were really little, telling them what the parts of their bodies were called, why boys and girls are different, etc. Now that they're nearly-8 and 10, they know the basic mechanics of sexual reproduction, and that it's only for grownups. As they get older and ask more questions, we'll add more details. They also sometimes overhear me answering questions from our 17-year-old exchange student, though if she asks about something on the racy side, I will tell her that I'll talk to her about it later, when the kids are not within earshot! I love that she's comfortable enough to ask me questions like that, and that she's setting a good example for the kids as far as talking to your parents about sex goes. I hope that they continue to come to us with questions as they get into their teens, but I know that I wasn't doing that with my own parents... I think that keeping things light and trying not to show any embarrassment goes a long way in keeping communication open.
around 11, or 12, when the boys had their first wet dream. Papa had to explain it to them, unlike my father, who didn't. I did not want my boys to feel stupid.
At my house, the policy is if you're old enough to ask me about it, you're old enough to get a real answer. For example, my 5 year old has known for a couple of years that she has a uterus and ovaries, and where they are My 9 year old comes home asking about things that kids talk about at school, and I'm glad she's comfortable enough to ask me to explain instead of just believing everything her classmates say.
At my house, the policy is if you're old enough to ask me about it, you're old enough to get a real answer. For example, my 5 year old has known for a couple of years that she has a uterus and ovaries, and where they are My 9 year old comes home asking about things that kids talk about at school, and I'm glad she's comfortable enough to ask me to explain instead of just believing everything her classmates say.
As someone who grew up with parents who could be less than informative on certain critical events in the family, I respect this position immensely. You have probably backed your philosophy with a "culture" of openness and honesty in the household. In mine, there were/are certain items in which, "You don't ask, we don't speak about it."
How do you deal with a situation however, in which the answer may not be fully understood? An 11 year old could ask the gamut about sex, but would not fully grasp the implications of sexual pleasure, romantic love etc etc.
How do you deal with a situation however, in which the answer may not be fully understood? An 11 year old could ask the gamut about sex, but would not fully grasp the implications of sexual pleasure, romantic love etc etc.
Usually they ask questions until they understand. I can tell from what they're asking how much they understand, and usually how much they want to understand. If I don't know how to answer something, I'll read about it online and see how other parents have dealt with the same issue, then decide how I'll deal with it myself. I only have girls, so most of the tough questions are my job I can't imagine my husband explaining periods, for example.
They can always ask more later, as they develop a more mature grasp of what they're asking. I've noticed that so far, my 9 year old is concerned with the grossness of everything she hears older kids talking about, and my 5 year old wants to know the names of all her body parts, even the ones on the inside.
I also believe that educating children about their body parts is a continual process and it starts when children start to explore their bodies and become cognitively aware of what each part represents. I was not taught by my parents about my body parts until I was in kindergarten and even then it was in bits and pieces. They relied heavy of the school system to teach me the rest- the reproductive system.
Some parents are afraid of having "the talk" with their children, because for some it seems as though it gives the child permission to become sexually active. My parents relied on the school system to teach me, because they did not want me to get pregnant at a young age. Well, I do not have any children, so I'm not sure if that was their doing. It was my choice, regardless of where the education came from.
I don't have any kids but I think it's more important than ever to not try to shield kids from the truth. Teenagers are starting to have sex at an earlier age. I see this first hand at my internship with schools. I see 12 yr olds having babies & it breaks my heart. I think parents don't think their children are even thinking about having sex & are shocked when they find out their little ones are going to be parents. So I say the earlier the better, especially when they start asking questions.
I think somewhere in middle school is a good idea. In my state we have Family Life Education. It starts in 4th grade for girls & 5th grade for boys. You don't learn about the opposite sex until 7th grade. Anything before is just reproductive for their own sex....HS goes into sex, STDs, pregnancy, ect. I think that's pretty accurate, at least for my situation. If you feel that your child or their peers are starting to mature faster or seem to be interested in sex faster than average, then you may want to start early. I think its a personal call. My extended family lives out in the mountains & my aunt pulled them out of Family Life Education, so what they do know is from classmates, which I don't think is good for anybody.
When I was much younger, I remember asking my mom about sex. She just brushed me off by saying, "You're not old enough to understand it yet." Because my mom said this, I made it "my mission" to find out from my friends. All my friends told me was that "sex felt good, but it hurt a lot the first time". They never educated me on the risks of diseases and the emotional part that goes behind it, which in my opinion, could be the worst consequence of them all. With this being said, education at the first appropriate chance is necessary.
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My 9 year old comes home asking about things that kids talk about at school, and I'm glad she's comfortable enough to ask me to explain instead of just believing everything her classmates say.
Locacedes' reply
