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One of you doesn't let a 2 year old climb the stairs? They can learn at that age how to do it safely, trust me. We've only ever lived in a 2 story house and kids can learn early how to go up and down the stairs safely if you help them.
My younger daughter will be 2 next month, but she does not have free access to the stairs. She can go up and down with supervision and often needs help. One of her PT goals is to be able to go up and down stairs by herself. Not all kids develop the same way. My older daughter had no problem going up and down stairs independently at this age.
Like you would not believe. We just lost a newborn son a month ago, and she hasn't been sleeping at night and waking us up, in a latch ditch effort so I could be rested for work (wife is stay at home mom), my wife has had to get up w/her b/c she will sleep 2-3 hrs at night at best, then she'll wake up and no matter what we do she just will not go back to sleep. As of this morning it has gotten to the point of where my wife literally hates her and is going crazy because she can't get any sleep and can't control her.
Your toddler is grieving, just like you and your wife. Toddlers can't express themselves as well as older children or adults, so their emotions often come out in tantrums. One of my close friends lost a baby at birth, and her older child (three at the time) went through a lot of emotional difficulty, because of the loss but also because her mother wasn't up to caring for her for about a year afterwards. Our other neighbors and I all took turns watching her little girl. I'm not going to go into detail, but there was some really shocking neglect that a bunch of us would have felt like we had to report, if we hadn't known what the family was going through.
Shutting her in the bathroom or in a closet with baby gates isn't going to help. A two year old can get up to a lot of no good unsupervised in a bathroom, and the closet thing is not something you want any visitors to the house to see...no matter what you say about it, it looks bad. You should talk to your daughter's pediatrician and see what they recommend for the tantrums and the inturrepted sleep. Sometimes there's a physical cause for waking in the night also...my little girl went through a stage where she was screaming and crying in the middle of the night, and it turned out that she was allergic to the metal in her new earrings (we'd just gotten her ears pierced a month before) and in pain.
It sounds like your wife needs some help too...she needs to talk to her OB/GYN...but besides medical help, she needs somebody to come in and watch your little girl for a few hours at least a couple times a week so she can get some real sleep, or some time to herself. A friend, a relative, even a hired babysitter would be a good idea, just until your wife has time for her hormones to level out and to work through some of her grief. If that's not possible, maybe sending your little girl to Grandma's house for the weekend now and then would help.
It sounds like your wife needs some help too...she needs to talk to her OB/GYN...but besides medical help, she needs somebody to come in and watch your little girl for a few hours at least a couple times a week so she can get some real sleep, or some time to herself. A friend, a relative, even a hired babysitter would be a good idea, just until your wife has time for her hormones to level out and to work through some of her grief. If that's not possible, maybe sending your little girl to Grandma's house for the weekend now and then would help.
OP: I hadn't realised you lost the baby only a month ago. Your wife (and you) must be experiencing enormous ammounts of grief. I'd strongly urge you to join a grief support group if you haven't already.
The fact that your wife "hates" your daughter and that you are still having problems with discipline is heartbreaking. But I think there's so much underlying emotion for you as a family that A.B.C. in disciplining your toddler isn't going to work. I really hope you can find a way to deal with the underlying grief that appears to be affecting all of this. Also, has she seen a doctor since the loss and told him her emotions? Her hormones are probably nuts right now and that can be corrected. A decent OB/GYN will be able to help her.
Again, my condolences. I can't imagine what you are going through.
Yes we are, and my wife obviously is grieving more than I. So you figure she has this issue hanging over her head PLUS dealing with an unruly toddler who will not sleep thru the night. We have a sleep study scheduled in April and I can't wait. I really want to find out why she's not sleeping.
In all reality my wife I know loves her, she is at wits end right now. I believe she may have PTSD and we were attending counseling for grief. That is until a week ago when the old counselor left to move to another state and a new one came in. We don't feel as easy with our new one and we did with our previous one.
Yes we are, and my wife obviously is grieving more than I. So you figure she has this issue hanging over her head PLUS dealing with an unruly toddler who will not sleep thru the night. We have a sleep study scheduled in April and I can't wait. I really want to find out why she's not sleeping.
In all reality my wife I know loves her, she is at wits end right now. I believe she may have PTSD and we were attending counseling for grief. That is until a week ago when the old counselor left to move to another state and a new one came in. We don't feel as easy with our new one and we did with our previous one.
Keep at it. It's a long process. There is no switch that gets turned and you are suddenly over loosing someone. If need be, see if you can get another counselor that you gel with more.
I don't know much about sleep studies, but if they ask questions about your home life BE SURE you tell them about the loss of your child. I'm still thinking that your daughter is showing grief.
Yes we are, and my wife obviously is grieving more than I. So you figure she has this issue hanging over her head PLUS dealing with an unruly toddler who will not sleep thru the night. We have a sleep study scheduled in April and I can't wait. I really want to find out why she's not sleeping.
In all reality my wife I know loves her, she is at wits end right now. I believe she may have PTSD and we were attending counseling for grief. That is until a week ago when the old counselor left to move to another state and a new one came in. We don't feel as easy with our new one and we did with our previous one.
I am so sorry. Has your daughter ever heard her mom crying at night? Perhaps that is why she doesn't want to sleep. Maybe she is worried about her mom, but can't verbalize it. If she is a particularly intuitive and sensitive child, the loss and her mom's grief are affecting her.
Yes we are, and my wife obviously is grieving more than I. So you figure she has this issue hanging over her head PLUS dealing with an unruly toddler who will not sleep thru the night. We have a sleep study scheduled in April and I can't wait. I really want to find out why she's not sleeping.
In all reality my wife I know loves her, she is at wits end right now. I believe she may have PTSD and we were attending counseling for grief. That is until a week ago when the old counselor left to move to another state and a new one came in. We don't feel as easy with our new one and we did with our previous one.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I really think you should find another counsellor ASAP. Another organization that could help you find a counsellor, and also offer many other helpful services is Compassionate Friends. They are an amazing organization, check them out. One month out is hard because friends and family have moved on with their lives, and honestly now is the time your wife needs the support from them more than ever.
To whomever left the following rep message for my post #26:
Quote:
Are you kidding me? Where is your compassion?
I'm not kidding. We have no idea if the infant even came from the hospital.
It's crazy for people to assume that she's depressed about the loss of a brother/sister if she never met him/her. She's two years old!
All she knows and cares about is how things are with mom and dad. Mom and dad need to realize that changes in THEIR behavior are most likely causing changes in her behavior.
As for my comments about parents putting their problems aside for their children, I stand by that too. It needed to be said.
I know someone who had two children prior to losing their third as an infant. The living children suffered miserably because the parents only thought of their own emotional needs.
It was the saddest thing I ever saw.
My mother went through it at an older age. Her brother died and she became invisible to her parents.
Parents need to think of their living children first when these things happen. Afterall, the living children are living!
I said they need to pull it together----because they do!
To whomever left the following rep message for my post #26:
I'm not kidding. We have no idea if the infant even came from the hospital.
It's crazy for people to assume that she's depressed about the loss of a brother/sister if she never met him/her. She's two years old!
All she knows and cares about is how things are with mom and dad. Mom and dad need to realize that changes in THEIR behavior are most likely causing changes in her behavior.
I didn't leave you the message, but...
Most two year olds can't communicate very well but that doesn't mean they aren't aware of what's going on in their families. My youngest daughter was able to communicate as well as some adults when she was two...she asked me that year how babies are made and where they grow, what happens to peoples bodies when they die, if I was going to get old and die before her, etc...
Most families prepare a sibling for a new baby. I read books to my older child about getting a new baby, and got her a baby doll to practice with, and we talked about what babies could do and couldn't do. She got to feel her sister kicking in my tummy and she went to my ultrasounds and saw her sister then. She bought a present for her sister and wrapped it up. She was three at the time and she definitely understood that we were getting another baby (for a while she thought it was instead of her, rather than in addition to her). If something had happened to her sister, she would have understood that there was a loss.
Parents can't always pull it together for their surviving children. Not everyone is a bottomless pit of strength and it takes time to heal sometimes. I had a friend who lost her baby at birth...a beautiful little boy and he was born with no brain. They had no idea that there were any problems, his brain quit developing in the third trimester. They went to the hospital thinking they were going to bring home a baby boy, and a week later they were having a funeral instead. My friend totally fell apart for a while. She quit taking care of her three-year-old...we'd invite the little girl over to play and find her crawling with fleas and in dirty clothes and soiled pants, but all she wanted to do was climb in our laps and be held. Sometimes we'd find the mother out in the parking lot, huddled on the ground by the dumpster. It was horrible. My friend was a strong person, it was just more than she could handle and she just lost it for a while. There was no way she could just snap out of it and get her act together, no matter how badly her daughter needed her. And her husband dealt with his grief in his own way, disappearing to go hunting every free second he had, so she couldn't lean on him either.
I don't know how the OP's wife is handling things...but she needs time to heal and support while she's grieving. Telling her to pull it together isn't going to help her.
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