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Funny that a teen not getting out of bed to go to school or anywhere in the morning would be "medicated", believe it or not, that is more a "teen" thing than an ADHD thing.
Most teens are able to get themselves out of bed and to school when required. I'm certainly not an advocate of over-medication, and have no idea if it's required in this case or not, but whether or not the military actually cares if this kid makes it through his final year of school successfully or not, maybe at the very least his mom can try to convince him that if he wants to get into the military then he'd better figure out how to get up in the morning.
I appreciate all of the responses. I feel like I have tried so hard to get him in a good routine and then someone sells him a 'dream'. He does have sleep problems if he's off schedule. Without sleep, he can't really function very effectively. He's irritable and impulsive the rest of the day. He's been this way since he was very little. One of his meds helped with sleep.
If he passes all of his classes this year, he will have enough college credit to = 1 1/2 years. He's gifted but his maturity level seems to be around 12ish. He hasn't told his teachers his plans and I'm sure they would be quite shocked he's taking this route as the majority of his peers are going to universities or straight to work. He would be the only one joining the military.
What's motivating him (I think) is the adventure and excitement of telling his friends what he is doing. Many of his friends are going on vacation after graduation to other countries like back packing through Europe or visiting the rain forest in South America. Because he refuses to get a job, as I have asked him many times to do, I refuse to pay for the entire trip. What he doesn't realize is (as many of us have graduated from high school already know) people go their own way and those relationships change.
I guess while he's here, I am going to have him apply to local colleges and job search as a consequence. Lights out at 10 pm and if I have to shut the breaker to certain rooms I will. Waking him up in the morning can be hostile (from him) and takes time because he's too busy trying to argue with me and I can't be late for work. The dog now even barks in his face in the morning to wake him up.
IDK.... maybe he just needs to go this route and try basic training then go the college route.
IDK.... maybe he just needs to go this route and try basic training then go the college route.
Everything you've shared about him sounds like the military would be good for him. He's too immature for college at this time. If he can't wake up in high school, what makes you think he'll wake up in college. It sounds like he would thrive with some structure. When he gets out with the GI bill, he'll be more mature and disciplined and he'll be more successful in college as a result.
Admittedly, he's not getting structure at home. You don't make sure he's awake because it's too much of a hassle and you'll be late for work. Well, maybe you should start waking him up earlier so you can still be at work on time. It's like you don't want to do the hard part of parenting but you want it to work out.
My son is next to impossible to wake up because it turns out that he has a resting heart rate of 34bpm. It's like waking the dead because his body is almost in a coma state. Waking up is not a pleasant experience for him. If he could get away with sleeping in by being mean and nasty, he'd be mean and nasty. I had to work hard to train him to resist the urge to be mean and nasty. It took time. And I woke up early so there would be enough time to make sure he would be awake.
You can do this! You can wake up your son so he gets to school. It's a cop out to say he's 17 and should be doing it on his own. Guess what? He's not and that makes it your responsibility. It's also a cop out to want him medicated. He doesn't want to take medication. By law, he has the right to refuse medication regardless of his parents wishes. If you refuse to step up to the plate because you think it's a proper punishment to let him live with the consequences, then you have to accept that he will most likely go into the military.
Consider the benefits of being involved in signing him into the military while he's young enough for you to have influence over what career he choses in the military. If you refuse to allow him, you won't be able to stop him from getting himself into combat position becasue he can make the choices on his own when he's 18. If you sign for him to join the military now, you can have imput in what specific job he choses.
You don't make sure he's awake because it's too much of a hassle and you'll be late for work. Well, maybe you should start waking him up earlier so you can still be at work on time. It's like you don't want to do the hard part of parenting but you want it to work out
That is not completely true. He has this problem waking up for a few years now and when I wake him... he gets violent and curses .... he appologizes later but the older the gets, the less he wants his mother to tell him what to do. Another problem with waking him is that he dwaddles making me wait unless I physically shove him in the car. This has caused my workplace to write me up for showing up late trying to get him to school on time. I've tried the phone by the bed. He doesn't hear it. I've even locked our dog in his room who doesn't like the alarm and will bark at his face and howl till he gets up, but he's also subjected to getting hit so I quit doing that too. The only thing left was to let him deal with natural consequences and take away priviledges but that doesn't solve the problem when he really does have a neurological issue with self regulating sleep.
Thank you for the info about the parental influence while in the military. I'm a bit worried as I have kept him a bit sheltered by enrolling him in a school where there is similar kids like him.... highly intelligent and with adhd (some of them). In a regular school, he was getting bullied and couldn't relate to other kids. Teachers were constantly upset because looses or doesn't turn in his assignment when it is really easy for him. There were many jr high years where teachers felt he didn't deserve to pass but tests show he has already mastered the ability. My younger son would probably fit better in the military because he sort of enjoys that sort of lifestyle and a bit more people smart. Their father (were divorced 15 years) is in the military for 15 years now, marines and army. His father was shocked when he first heard of his idea and hoped he would go to college first. He also thought the structure in the military would be good for him as he would have to grow up fast.
I guess I need to let him learn to make decision and learn to deal with the results.
That is not completely true. He has this problem waking up for a few years now and when I wake him... he gets violent and curses .... he appologizes later but the older the gets, the less he wants his mother to tell him what to do. Another problem with waking him is that he dwaddles making me wait unless I physically shove him in the car. This has caused my workplace to write me up for showing up late trying to get him to school on time. I've tried the phone by the bed. He doesn't hear it. I've even locked our dog in his room who doesn't like the alarm and will bark at his face and howl till he gets up, but he's also subjected to getting hit so I quit doing that too. The only thing left was to let him deal with natural consequences and take away priviledges but that doesn't solve the problem when he really does have a neurological issue with self regulating sleep.
But you really described resorting to national consquences because you didn't want to expose yourself to his behavior anymore. That's giving up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustTess
. I'm a bit worried as I have kept him a bit sheltered by enrolling him in a school where there is similar kids like him.... highly intelligent and with adhd (some of them). In a regular school, he was getting bullied and couldn't relate to other kids. Teachers were constantly upset because looses or doesn't turn in his assignment when it is really easy for him. There were many jr high years where teachers felt he didn't deserve to pass but tests show he has already mastered the ability. My younger son would probably fit better in the military because he sort of enjoys that sort of lifestyle and a bit more people smart. Their father (were divorced 15 years) is in the military for 15 years now, marines and army. His father was shocked when he first heard of his idea and hoped he would go to college first. He also thought the structure in the military would be good for him as he would have to grow up fast.
The military is filled with social misfits. Many are attracted to it for a feeling of belonging. He'll find his place there. He'll definitely grow up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustTess
Thank you for the info about the parental influence while in the military.
Clarification: you get parental influence on what's in the the contract he signs when he's under 17. That influence will involve you talking with him and researching the branches together and helping him pick the right job. The influence doesn't come via asking recruiters to do anything for you. The influence comes from your willingness to sign the contract.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustTess
I guess I need to let him learn to make decision and learn to deal with the results.
Start communicating with him! Take an interest in what he wants to do.
Like others mentioned, use his goal as a motivational tool to encourage him to get his degree on time. If he squeaks through senior year, that's okay. He'll grow up in the military and he'll do well when he goes to college later. That's what matters the most. He won't have trouble getting accepted to college after being in the military. Universities have different criteria for accepting people from the military. Basically, they're able to go almost anywere because 1) they fully funded and universities like that; 2) they are structured and mature which translates to success; and 3) I believe there is a law that requires universities to take people who were in military.
. He likes the idea of traveling, friends, and cool activities like repelling and parachutting.
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Does he also like getting shot at? Potential bombs under his feet? Being a target for terrorists????
If your son thinks military service is about "traveling, friends, and "cool" activities", he's got another guess coming!
You, as a parent, have two things to do:
1. Get him to the doc about the meds
2. Give him a reality check about the military. Go to a disabled vets hospital where there are men and women without limbs or who are paralyzed or who are suffering with PTSD.
Does he also like getting shot at? Potential bombs under his feet? Being a target for terrorists????
If your son thinks military service is about "traveling, friends, and "cool" activities", he's got another guess coming!
You, as a parent, have two things to do:
1. Get him to the doc about the meds
2. Give him a reality check about the military. Go to a disabled vets hospital where there are men and women without limbs or who are paralyzed or who are suffering with PTSD.
Not all military jobs are combat positions. There are many very safe jobs.
Sooo, his dad, whom he doesn't live with, is in the military? How much does he see his dad? How much does he admire his dad? How much does he want to be like dad? Does he think joining the military would somehow "bond" him to his father? Make his dad think he's a mature man?
Ask him how much he's talked with his dad about his dad's military service and experiences. Even if Dad is "surprised" I have an idea that Dad has influenced him. Even subconsciously.
I think that's what you have to look at to find out what's going on here.
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