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This is seriously too much fun!!
Uh-oh FR - we posted at the same time! Our tale has become a "Choose Your Own Adventure" story...ETA: haha - nice edit!!
Hobson Jobson was growing tired of being Sarah Palin's chauffeur. "Drive me here, Hobson, drive me there" she would say in her bumpkin voice. The SUV was full of kids with funny names, and the pet moose kept wanting to stick it's head out the window. It was enough to profoundly irritate any professional driver.
When he saw the handsome and dashing fellow following them and waving like a madman yesterday afternoon, Hobson Jobson had an idea he might just jump in the car and join him in a new tomorrow.....Suddenly Hobson knew what he had to do. He pulled the car over to the side of the road honking the horn furiously to get the attention of the stud-muffin driving the car behind them. As he leapt out of the car he could hear that inimitable drone "Hobson, get your ass back in the car. We have chitlins to clean at home!". As he walked towards the car with a huge smile plastered on his face he couldn't believe who the driver was......
Anderson Cooper, giggling girlishly and comparing hair styling tips with Fabio who was sitting in the passenger seat, long locks blowing gently in the wind. Hobson tried to marshal his powers of speech, overwhelmed by the fabulousness of the two men's coiffures, and finally managed to stammer "Hi, I'm Hobson - Hobson Jobson. May I join you? That dingbat and her kids are driving me insane! I could really use an appletini..."... Then he noticed the guy who'd been frantically waving - "MrDew! "MrDew!" Hobson cried in delight. "Why, your hair is marvelous! And your wife's appletinis are legendary! Can I come join you at home? I hear you have Johnny Depp under the sink. Is there room for one more?"....
To which, MrDew replied, "well, there actually isn't room for one more underneath the sink, we're tiring of Johnny under there and wish he'd come our and sit on the sofa like everyone else. He's pretty fond of the Jack we keep there though. Mrs. Dew does indeed make a spectacular appletini and you are all welcome to join us. If you don't mind though, I need to run in the house and do some quick Dysoning (I only recently learned how to use the crevice tool you see)....be back in a jiffy!"
"Umm.....honey, what exactly are you doing?" said MrsDew fiercly protecting her haboobs from the offending crevice tool. "Sweetie, you wouldn't believe me even if I tried to explain, you're going to have to just trust me here". They were interrupted by a knock on the door.....Hobson Jobson, Fabio, and Anderson Cooper charged into the Dews' house and rushed to the kitchen to try to extract Johnny Depp from under the sink...Fabio seemed to be having some luck in convincing Johnny that he was mussing his hair by residing under the sink, wedged up against the garbage disposal, cradling a bottle of Jack... There was another knock. MrsDew rushed to open it. Her busom turned even whiter. "Jack!" she cried. "Jack Daniels! What in the lachrymose... I thought you were under the sink with JD..."
"I was, I was," Jack replied, "but the stench from the garbage disposal was becoming odoriferous, so I decided to go for a walk to get some fresh air. Unfortunately, my timing was off as I encountered nothing but high winds, gritty sand and dust. May I borrow a power-washer? Or perhaps your crevice tool?...."
Hobson Jobson was growing tired of being Sarah Palin's chauffeur. "Drive me here, Hobson, drive me there" she would say in her bumpkin voice. The SUV was full of kids with funny names, and the pet moose kept wanting to stick it's head out the window. It was enough to profoundly irritate any professional driver.
When he saw the handsome and dashing fellow following them and waving like a madman yesterday afternoon, Hobson Jobson had an idea he might just jump in the car and join him in a new tomorrow.....Suddenly Hobson knew what he had to do. He pulled the car over to the side of the road honking the horn furiously to get the attention of the stud-muffin driving the car behind them. As he leapt out of the car he could hear that inimitable drone "Hobson, get your ass back in the car. We have chitlins to clean at home!". As he walked towards the car with a huge smile plastered on his face he couldn't believe who the driver was......
Anderson Cooper, giggling girlishly and comparing hair styling tips with Fabio who was sitting in the passenger seat, long locks blowing gently in the wind. Hobson tried to marshal his powers of speech, overwhelmed by the fabulousness of the two men's coiffures, and finally managed to stammer "Hi, I'm Hobson - Hobson Jobson. May I join you? That dingbat and her kids are driving me insane! I could really use an appletini..."... Then he noticed the guy who'd been frantically waving - "MrDew! "MrDew!" Hobson cried in delight. "Why, your hair is marvelous! And your wife's appletinis are legendary! Can I come join you at home? I hear you have Johnny Depp under the sink. Is there room for one more?"....
To which, MrDew replied, "well, there actually isn't room for one more underneath the sink, we're tiring of Johnny under there and wish he'd come our and sit on the sofa like everyone else. He's pretty fond of the Jack we keep there though. Mrs. Dew does indeed make a spectacular appletini and you are all welcome to join us. If you don't mind though, I need to run in the house and do some quick Dysoning (I only recently learned how to use the crevice tool you see)....be back in a jiffy!"
"Umm.....honey, what exactly are you doing?" said MrsDew fiercly protecting her haboobs from the offending crevice tool. "Sweetie, you wouldn't believe me even if I tried to explain, you're going to have to just trust me here". They were interrupted by a knock on the door.....Hobson Jobson, Fabio, and Anderson Cooper charged into the Dews' house and rushed to the kitchen to try to extract Johnny Depp from under the sink...Fabio seemed to be having some luck in convincing Johnny that he was mussing his hair by residing under the sink, wedged up against the garbage disposal, cradling a bottle of Jack... There was another knock. MrsDew rushed to open it. Her busom turned even whiter. "Jack!" she cried. "Jack Daniels! What in the lachrymose... I thought you were under the sink with JD..."
"I was, I was," Jack replied, "but the stench from the garbage disposal was becoming odoriferous, so I decided to go for a walk to get some fresh air. Unfortunately, my timing was off as I encountered nothing but high winds, gritty sand and dust. May I borrow a power-washer? Or perhaps your crevice tool?...."
"Eew Dew" said Anderson Cooper, rolling his eyes like a teenager "Don't share crevice tools, you never know where they've been!"......."I said tool...", tee-hee-hee. MrsDew gave Anderson Cooper her steeliest glace gaze "I know exactly where it's been thank you Anderson, and besides, you don't know Jack........I dew!'.
Anderson caught something in Dew's voice... They way she said, "You don't know Jack.... I dew". Anderson thought back 15 years to a movie set in Gower Gulch and realized Dew was talking about Jack...... Nicholson.
Yes! She was! There was that same glint in her eye, the catch in her lachrymose. But what about Mr. Dew? Everyone knew his love for the lovely wench....
Anderson caught something in Dew's voice... They way she said, "You don't know Jack.... I dew". Anderson thought back 15 years to a movie set in Gower Gulch and realized Dew was talking about Jack...... Nicholson.
Yes! She was! There was that same glint in her eye, the catch in her lachrymose. But what about Mr. Dew? Everyone knew his love for the lovely wench....
Urgghh! Just had to collect the first sick child from school. Not exactly the way I envisioned the school year starting.
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