Feel like the whole family is going to fall apart (game, parents)

[Bulldogdad]

Leave Gus alone. You made the choice to slam him into a family situation of which he does not want a part.

Its my firm belief that single parents should not remarry until all their children are 18.

Have Gus live with his Grandparents. My guess is he is resentful not having his biological father living with him and you further exacerbated the issue by making your new hubby the #1 man in your life when your maturing son needed your undivided attention. Too bad.

IMHO

[imcurious]

What the heck is the problem? You have a mature boy who has figured out how to make the new family life work for him. Congratulations to him. Do not punish him for being innovative and independent!

[CMab]

Thanks, I am glad to hear that I’m right about how I treat the kids. I was worried I was actually being unfair to others when Gus have never shown any reason why I shouldn’t trust him.
I’ve never really wants to revoke any privileges but I and my husband have got in a couple arguments over it. We had this idea that they would eventually get along and develop bond among themselves. But after they got in fight that got bad enough to point where someone needs a trip to the hospital make the whole idea quite questionable.

My husband just really wants them to get along and be buddy which I would like as well. He has tried to make many suggestions on how to get them to bond but it is just so hard. The boys also even tried to get me to make Gus take them because they’re so interested in scuba diving and really wants to try underwater hunting and exploring some sunken ships. Gus prefers to do things alone. Only people I’ve ever heard of him doing anything with were those two girls and both of his grandpas.
Besides that Gus was trained by his great grandfather who was a combat diver so I don’t know if his great grandfather teaches anything about combat in the water. He certainly learned a couple things from his grandfather. So I don’t like the idea of him being the only one knowing things and deep in the water with boys he doesn’t get along with.
I just wish there was a way to make them at least more tolerant of each other so they didn’t graduate and move out on bad term.

Since Gus and the twins are in junior and I certainly don’t want to go through another year of this. I’ve considers letting Gus living with his grandparents, but for some reason Gus seems to be afraid of his grandpa.
Besides that, Gus got in a fight with his real father the last time they were together. Yeah he really doesn’t like his father at all. So I don’t know if living with grandparents, especially his grandfather would be the best idea for anybody.
I’ve considered letting him live at the beach house and attend school in the area but it is an hour and half away, so I don’t like that idea. Just weekend is fine, but not every day.

I don’t really like to talk about this subject, but yeah Gus is having sex with those girls for sure. We already talk about it and his knowledge of STD and safe sex are solid.
I can’t really complain though. Those girls are a good friend to him and were there for him when his grandma had stroke

[imcurious]

Buy him huge packs of condoms at Costco and pray. Sounds like he is fine. You and your husband need to concentrate on the other kids. Try to ignore their jealousy. Don't get into arguments with anyone about Gus.

[CMab]

So the chance of them ever getting along are slim?

[Honeycrisp]

By praising Gus and putting him on a pedestal and telling the other kids how responsible and mature he is IMO lessens the chance for him and the other kids bonding, of course they're going to feel a rivalry, it only makes sense that there w/b some friction given the circumstances and by lauding one over the other(s) doesnt do much for peace or harmony on the homefront. Don't compare their similarities or differences. Would focus on the other kids and not draw Gus (or his name) into any conversations, am sure the others have their good points too, find them and concentrate on them and their individual personalities like you have w/ Gus.

[Amelorn]

The difficulty about restricting an existing freedom is that he could start a war with you....and he'd be justified.

Have you asked your son about his grandfather and the reservations?

You mention that your stepsons were interested in scuba diving. If they are that committed, find them an instructor. If they want to dive with GUs, they'll be doing it as equals. I know your son's personality type...he does not want to waste time teaching them. It's not guaranteed, though.

Also, can your stepsons get their own hobbies? It takes time to hold a grudge against a sibling. If they can be involved, they actually won't give a damn. My sister held it against my mother during my first year of college in a foreign country, as I had money, unrestricted freedom, and foreign drinking laws. Once my sister went to college the next year, got a job, and a boyfriend, suddenly she didn't give a damn about me. It wouldn't be as Disney-Pixar cute as bonding, but given their age, it's better than flaring antagonism.

And honeycrisp is right, avoid using your son as a ruler by which to measure your step-kids.


I will also echo Bulldogdad's sentiments. I have tremendous reservations with blended families, especially a large one like yours with older kids.

[DewDropInn]

Wait. Go back....

There was a fight among these kids that was bad enought that someone had to go to the hospital?

Sorry, but you do not have a family. You have two families that are living under one roof. Except for Gus who seems to have enough gumption to separate himself. I'd let Gus do just that if he can live with his grandparents. Let him live his life, because he sounds like he's going to be OK.

There are just certain types that are best left alone. Like Gus. I don't think he needs to be the nursemaid to the others.

BTW if Grandpa was in Special Forces in Vietnam he's a pretty special man. That's the best of the best. Elite. Are you sure Gus is "afraid" of him? Are you sure it isn't awe and respect? I'd talk to Gus and find out.

[Hopes]

Doesnt' sound like Gus is afraid of his Grandpa.

Afterall, she said the only people Gus likes to do things with are the girls and both of his grandpas.

If he was afraid of his Granpa, Gus wouldn't do things with him.

Almost everyone agrees that Gus should be left alone. The family sounds like a disaster. Gus seems to be the only one who has his act together.

[CMab]

I guess everyone is right, Gus isn’t scared of his grandpa, just in awe and really respect him.

I’m not sure if the kids are really interested in scuba or just want to do it because it sounds good. They never really ask about going to scuba school or anything. They just want to be able to rent it and go off and hope Gus teaches them which I know will never happen. Even if he says ok, no way I would even let that happen either!
Besides that, I think Gus use different kind of gear that is much more complicate to use most of the time because it allows him to stay in the water longer. I remember him talking about needing to pick up extra air cylinder from the scuba shop so the girls have spare cylinder to use once their runs out.

The boys have their own hobbies. I guess they just look at Gus’ case as grass being greener on other side. Gus can stick to a hobby for years without losing interest. They would get tired of thing after a month or two and change. Only thing the boys seem to be really into is video game and football.

Yes, they have got in fight a couple times. The injuries were never really serious. One of the twin once need to get stitches on brow after being kneed in the brow, other time his arm was badly hurt with some kind of hold but there was no serious damage done, and the youngest boy got two back teeth broken.
There hasn’t been any fight since October though. So I guess it is a sign of thing getting a bit better.

I do feel like there are two separate families. Gus is the only one that doesn’t seem to be adapting at all. My daughter gets along wonderful with the family.

I didn’t use Gus as a measure stick. The boys keep asking why Gus is getting away with what he did and when I told them why, they get upset. They basically set Gus as a measuring stick because they think if they do this and that, they can have the same privileges right away. It doesn’t work that way.

It kind of bothers me to see Gus being lone all of the time even though he seems to be a very happy person in general. I just like the idea of having a big happy family but I guess Gus is just not that way.