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Okay, I know I am not a parent but I am the guardian of my brothers if anything were to happen to my mother and basically I attend school meetings etc. So I am like a parent in that case. What has been bothering me is that my brothers (8 and 10) can't seem to compute anything that goes into their heads. I CONSTANTLY have talks with them about taking care of their belongings and items. ALL the time, so much that my hair is falling out.
I even posted rules up on their walls and they STILL never seem to understand anything I tell them. They constantly neglect whatever people buy them, they constantly leave their dirty clothes hanging all over the place, they constantly leave their dishes lying anywhere, they simply just constantly don't listen. I have long serious talks with them, I make bets with them (I.E. I'll pay them if they can keep up a deal), I try and make cleaning fun with them but nothing works.
On top of that, my mother is just way to lenient with them sometimes and I can't talk to her about that because it results in a huge argument about her thinking I am trying to tell her how to be a parent (which is NEVER the case). With her, they get away with anything and their punishment is a joke (compared to how I used to be punished). I'm not home all the time to play dad.
I LOVE my brothers to death and I love rewarding them. I love taking them out, buying them stuff, doing fun stuff and exposing them to more affluence in life so they can be motivated and do the things they want to do and get the things they want to get. However, I want them to appreciate their material belongings and appreciate the hard work that goes into getting it. It saddens me that I don't let them use my laptop because they don't know how to take care of their stuff. It frustrates me that they even have the gall to ask sometimes because they know they can't use something expensive of mine unless they take care of it.
I try and demonstrate what hard work is like and how to appreciate it but they just don't either seem to care, don't get it or it doesn't register through their head. Ugh. I tried so many methods but everything seems to just simply FAIL.
My brothers are NOT bad kids, they really aren't. Its the the oldest of the two is hard headed and is picking up crap habits from his ghetto ass friends and is started to "act hard" all the time. The younger of the two, is just lazy as hell. Like I said though they are NOT bad and if any of you were to babysit, they'll actually LISTEN and be the most behaved kids. In the home though, they are just so hard headed and all you hear is my mother screaming at them and then I have to find a balance of just having them understand stuff without my mothers incoherent yelling all the time.
My hair is falling out from this! Anyone got any advice? Any pointers? Please, be free to out your two cents and info into it. Thanks!
Then clothes would not be washed unless in the laundry room.
As for possessions, we do not keep broken toys in our home. If it is broken, it goes in the trash. No replacements given.
If I share an expensive item and feel it would be in danger of misuse, it is only used in my presence and at a stable location (like the kitchen table).
In our home, we are more lax on the rules as long as there is not an issue. If an issue develops, then we do not ban items, but we do keep stricter rules on their use.
As for your momma, you cannot change how she parents. She is their mother, she can be as easy on them as she sees fit. Unless you are an active guardian over these boys now, there is nothing you can do to change her parenting style.
That's the problem, my mother is ALWAYS complaining about it. Then she comes to me when things get out of hand and wants me to talk to them but she doesn't put her foot in. I tell her "I'll talk to them but you also have to take action as well" and she takes it out of context or she'll say "yeah, I will" but then always folds under the pressure. She's not a bad mother but she just doesn't emphasize the rules enough.
Okay, I know I am not a parent but I am the guardian of my brothers if anything were to happen to my mother and basically I attend school meetings etc. So I am like a parent in that case. What has been bothering me is that my brothers (8 and 10) can't seem to compute anything that goes into their heads. I CONSTANTLY have talks with them about taking care of their belongings and items. ALL the time, so much that my hair is falling out.
I even posted rules up on their walls and they STILL never seem to understand anything I tell them. They constantly neglect whatever people buy them, they constantly leave their dirty clothes hanging all over the place, they constantly leave their dishes lying anywhere, they simply just constantly don't listen. I have long serious talks with them, I make bets with them (I.E. I'll pay them if they can keep up a deal), I try and make cleaning fun with them but nothing works.
My experience with boys is "long, serious talks" do not work. It is in one ear and out the other.
Show them, if you haven't already, so you can be sure they understand. Have visual reminders, not verbal reminders.
Remove privileges--like if you don't get this cleaned up, then no TV or video games or whatever.
Do you live with them? Because if you are only there every so often, and your mother does not enforce the same rules, you have an uphill battle on your hands.
My experience with that age group is that you have to stay on them all the time about following the rules. You also have to make it easy for them to take care of their stuff. Buy a hamper for the dirty clothes, find storage for their toys (bins in the closet or garage work for us), don't let dirty dishes out of the kitchen.
Several times a day I will tell my kids to check their rooms and bathroom for dirty clothes. Before bed they have to put all their toys away. I also have their toys sorted into tubs and they can only check out one tub at a time. This keeps the bedroom floor from disappearing. It probably takes more work to make them pick up after themselves than it would to do the work myself.
My experience with boys is "long, serious talks" do not work. It is in one ear and out the other.
Show them, if you haven't already, so you can be sure they understand. Have visual reminders, not verbal reminders.
Remove privileges--like if you don't get this cleaned up, then no TV or video games or whatever.
Do you live with them? Because if you are only there every so often, and your mother does not enforce the same rules, you have an uphill battle on your hands.
Yes, I do live with them. I'm not home all the time because of work amongst other things but I see them enough to know what's going on. My mother was supposed to talk to them today but like always, she never does it.
Yes, I do live with them. I'm not home all the time because of work amongst other things but I see them enough to know what's going on. My mother was supposed to talk to them today but like always, she never does it.
I am totally guessing here, but I would say at this point you need a lot less talk and a lot more action, to paraphrase Elvis.
Seriously, though, they've been probably talked at to death, and they realize nothing ever comes of it.
If there are house rules, show them what is expected, and then follow through with consequences or rewards. And I agree, you can make it easier with boxes, laundry baskets, etc.
These are your brothers not your children. You are way out of bounds telling your mother how to raise them. I realize that you love them and want the best for them but that does not mean it is your place to tell your mother how to raise them.
These are your brothers not your children. You are way out of bounds telling your mother how to raise them. I realize that you love them and want the best for them but that does not mean it is your place to tell your mother how to raise them.
I guess you missed the fact that the OP is the designated guardian.
The mother has made this the OP's business by having the OP attend school meetings and have talks with the siblings to straighten them out, etc.
This happens in some families. Just because it's not the norm does not mean that the OP is out of bounds.
I guess you missed the fact that the OP is the designated guardian.
The mother has made this the OP's business by having the OP attend school meetings and have talks with the siblings to straighten them out, etc.
This happens in some families. Just because it's not the norm does not mean that the OP is out of bounds.
Go back and reread. She wrote:
"...I am the guardian of my brothers if anything were to happen to my mother..."
She is not their guardian. She is their sister.
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