Just so sad about what my daughter is going thru.... (teaching, game)
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I can't believe it's 2011 and people are actually finding creative ways to make it seem like bullying is ok. Really? The daughter is 'the problem'? So the daughter builds self-esteem and they move on to the next victim. Then what? The principal and administrators are not cavalry. We drop our kids off 5 days a week and hope that they are educating our kids and keeping them safe.
Bet you also think those rape victims were 'asking for it'.
Is anybody aware of all the bullying cases in the news recently? The cases that resulted in suicide??? Anybody catch that youtube video of the kid in Australia who snapped after years of being bullied and almost cracked his aggressor's skull? Seems like quite a few 'bully parents' here trying to justify the actions of their kids.
I can't believe it's 2011 and people have suddenly become so naive that they believe that "society" can fix something that's been going on for thousands of years by instituting "zero tolerance" and having all the kids get together in the gym, sing "kum ba yah" and discuss their feelings.
I don't think anyone "asks for it", but I also know that it will happen regardless. Plain and simple you can't change other people, so the only effective strategy is to not make yourself a target. Whether it is taking steps to avoid a rape or attacker or taking away the incentive for a bully to harass you. The only thing you have control over is yourself.
I've seen/heard all of the recent cases of bullying that ended in suicide or the kid/parent finally snapping. The one constant among them is that for the most part, those people either took no steps to change/improve themselves and overcome the bullying or they rested their fate in the hands of other being it the administration, teachers, parents, etc. only to find that those people couldn't fix the situation for them.
I would personally be abhorred if my child became a bully. I would also be abhorred if they allowed themselves to become a victim of bullying and would take steps to help them correct the situation themselves.
I can't believe it's 2011 and people have suddenly become so naive that they believe that "society" can fix something that's been going on for thousands of years by instituting "zero tolerance" and having all the kids get together in the gym, sing "kum ba yah" and discuss their feelings.
I don't think anyone "asks for it", but I also know that it will happen regardless. Plain and simple you can't change other people, so the only effective strategy is to not make yourself a target. Whether it is taking steps to avoid a rape or attacker or taking away the incentive for a bully to harass you. The only thing you have control over is yourself.
I've seen/heard all of the recent cases of bullying that ended in suicide or the kid/parent finally snapping. The one constant among them is that for the most part, those people either took no steps to change/improve themselves and overcome the bullying or they rested their fate in the hands of other being it the administration, teachers, parents, etc. only to find that those people couldn't fix the situation for them.
I would personally be abhorred if my child became a bully. I would also be abhorred if they allowed themselves to become a victim of bullying and would take steps to help them correct the situation themselves.
The only real solution to bullying is to cease being a victim. The problem lies with your daughter, not the bullies. Work on her self-confidence and ability to handle conflict and not only will she be stronger/better for it, you will most likely solve your bullying issue as well.
Sadly, calling in the cavalry of adults with principals, counselors, parents, etc. will never fix the issue.
Well, I agree this is a two-fold process and starting with the above will not hurt.
But today's schools are very SENSITIVE about bullying issues - what with all their training and 'zero tolerance' policies.
I would suggest putting your concerns in writing to both the teacher and principal.
Based on my experience with the school system, they WILL try to help. Don't try to hide it; everyone knows that the bullying is taking place, including the other kids and teachers. Bring it out into the light and allow the school to practice what they preach. Bullies get by with what they do because people (your daughter, other observers including teachers and administrators) don't do anything about it and keep quiet about it. Make it clear that you will not be sitting quietly by while the school allows it to continue.
They'll step up their game and the girls will most likely move on to a new target. Sad but true.
I can't believe it's 2011 and people have suddenly become so naive that they believe that "society" can fix something that's been going on for thousands of years by instituting "zero tolerance" and having all the kids get together in the gym, sing "kum ba yah" and discuss their feelings.
I don't think anyone "asks for it", but I also know that it will happen regardless. Plain and simple you can't change other people, so the only effective strategy is to not make yourself a target. Whether it is taking steps to avoid a rape or attacker or taking away the incentive for a bully to harass you. The only thing you have control over is yourself.
I've seen/heard all of the recent cases of bullying that ended in suicide or the kid/parent finally snapping. The one constant among them is that for the most part, those people either took no steps to change/improve themselves and overcome the bullying or they rested their fate in the hands of other being it the administration, teachers, parents, etc. only to find that those people couldn't fix the situation for them.
I would personally be abhorred if my child became a bully. I would also be abhorred if they allowed themselves to become a victim of bullying and would take steps to help them correct the situation themselves.
Very good post.
Bullying isn't even always something you can define. A kid can be hurt simply for not being included on a party invitation list. Or because other kids didn't want to sit with them for lunch. A "mean" look can hurt a sensitive child.
With girls especially it's verbal, more subtle. It's not usually that a pack of girls waits at the edge of a playground to physically assault another girl, they have other ways - but also less definable.
What's a principal to do? Put listening devices everywhere? Force kids to eat together, hang out together, only use the most societal nice expressions all the time? It wouldn't matter, girls especially will find ways to get around all that.
Boys are really easier because they tend to slug and punch - but even that isn't always about bullying.
And any parents of multiple closely spaced children know, sometimes kids delight in watching a child run to the parent. And in school they can delight in provoking a tattle-tale to run crying to a teacher. They despise the tattle-tale but get even by provoking them to go running constantly and laugh. Kids never respect cry-babies or tattlers.
Later does that child learn to snitch on co-workers every time she feels some slight or believes someone was gossiping about her? Or do you want to raise a strong assertive child?
The schools here made some very goofy anti-bullying campaign. My child told me they were broken into groups of 4 or 5 and told to discuss their problems. The teachers convinced kids to discuss things that go on in their families and how hurt they are that parents are divorced, poor, being bullied, and so on and so on.
Most of the kids ended up crying according to my child that was forced to participate in this. I asked my kid what he discussed and he said his table didn't discuss anything and he said he doesn't have any problems and apparently no one at his table did and they didn't end up crying. He didn't know what the kids were crying about because he couldn't hear their problems being discussed from his table. I really don't see the benefit of that at all. This was high school.
IMO it is the parents nine times out of ten if you see this child being mean it is because it is allowed in the home . One of my friends neighbors' s daughter is the meanest thing . Her mother is from the south and she always says Oh well you know they do grow out of that , EXCUSE ME ? NO they dont and she needs to wrap her head around reality . Well one day I was privy to witness this child just totally battering another child with her mouth . I went to tell the mother about it and she was like are you sure ? and then her response was "well maybe they should teach their child to stand up for herself " , then she brought her child the batterer to the door and asked her right in front of me , did you do what this lady says you did ? the child said no and her mother says that is good enough for me and slams the door in my face . Talk about living like alice in wonderland and that my friends is what is wrong with kids .My uncle used to say the apple dont fall too far from the tree and if the kid is a bully, 9 out of 10, mama or daddy is too .
NJGOAT is completely right on the issue of bullying.
Kids allow themselves to be victims of bullies. They need to be taught to stand up for themselves. Growing up, I was bullied by an older boy for about 3 years. One day my sister, brother and I were left in the car while my mother went into the school to talk to someone. The bully came to the car and taunted me. My brother got out of the car and told the bully to back off. Mind you, we were all in elementary school at this time. My brother got up in this guys face and told him to leave me alone, and he never bullied me again.
All through life I allowed people to take advantage of my passivity and meekness and into adulthood I cursed my mother for allowing me to grow up like that. It took years for me to learn how to confront people or call someone out who was taking advantage of my good nature.
The one thing I made absolutely sure of while raising my kids was for them to know how to stand up for themselves and not run to adults to solve their every problem.
Where are the teachers while this is going on? Does anyones else hear what the kids are saying? I would go to the school and demand they do something. Your daughter is in school to learn, not to be harrassed.
IMO it is the parents nine times out of ten if you see this child being mean it is because it is allowed in the home . One of my friends neighbors' s daughter is the meanest thing . Her mother is from the south and she always says Oh well you know they do grow out of that , EXCUSE ME ? NO they dont and she needs to wrap her head around reality . Well one day I was privy to witness this child just totally battering another child with her mouth . I went to tell the mother about it and she was like are you sure ? and then her response was "well maybe they should teach their child to stand up for herself " , then she brought her child the batterer to the door and asked her right in front of me , did you do what this lady says you did ? the child said no and her mother says that is good enough for me and slams the door in my face . Talk about living like alice in wonderland and that my friends is what is wrong with kids .My uncle used to say the apple dont fall too far from the tree and if the kid is a bully, 9 out of 10, mama or daddy is too .
Which simply reinforces my point. Do you think anyone is going to change that little girls attitude? Do you think one day a principal having a "serious" conversation is going to make that mother change her opinion? Do you think the girl being forced to share her feelings and feign empathy for others is going to change her mind?
Some people are a$-holes, the sooner you learn to deal with the a$-holes, the better off you will be.
Where are the teachers while this is going on? Does anyones else hear what the kids are saying? I would go to the school and demand they do something. Your daughter is in school to learn, not to be harrassed.
Ah yes, let's blame the teachers, administrators, lunch aides, etc. Afterall they are omniscient and are capable of knowing exactly what every kid is saying/doing at every moment.
As others have already pointed out, not every form of bullying is overt. It could be something as simple as one girl whispering to another while standing inline, "you're fat and you smell". Try to police that. Which is exactly why all of our anti-bullying campaigns will not change a thing.
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