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Old 04-07-2011, 09:18 PM
 
926 posts, read 1,830,272 times
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Now mind you, their "child" is actually an adult, however the parents and mom especially doesn't treat this person as an adult. She treats them as a child - for example invites them over for dinner, asks them to bring their laundry and partially subsidizes their rent while the person works part-time. What if one day, when the "child" announces they are seeking a new apartment but is struggling with the choices / where to go / etc. due to a constrained budget, a Mom asks the question: "hey, have you ever thought of applying for subsidized (social) housing?"

Wow, really? I don't know about you and how it is in your city, but social housing is hard to come by, there's a long waiting list and specific criteria must be met (your household income has to be below a certain amount/year, etc.).
Besides the fact that social housing supply is low and demand is high, does it sound like the Mom is giving up on their child's future by even suggesting they apply for social housing? I mean how low can you go? If I heard that from my mom, I'd be pretty insulted. Then again some would take it as a wake up call and get off their arse so to speak, get their act together. The could mean changing jobs, finding a room mate despite their reservations, cheap (not social) housing, whatever to cut costs and be independent of Mom and Dad. Mind you the "child" never asked for the subsidy and the parents insist the child "needs" it.

What should the child do if the parents continue to transfer funds each month but then suggest applying for social housing. It's pretty clear to me that they are no longer interested in the financial responsibility but are afraid to cut the child off.
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Old 04-07-2011, 09:20 PM
 
Location: Denver area
20,965 posts, read 21,612,204 times
Reputation: 34726
Sounds like mom is tired of subsidizing their adult child's lifestyle. Just because the parents put money in the account doesn't mean it has to be used. If the "child" objects, simply don't use it and return the money on a periodic basis. And change the account so that parents don't have access....You can only put money into an account you are a signatory on. It would seem to me, an adult would not choose to have their parents on their account if they didn't want them in their business.. just sayin'

Last edited by maciesmom; 04-07-2011 at 09:31 PM..
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Old 04-07-2011, 09:24 PM
 
Location: Oxnard, CA
1,552 posts, read 3,469,403 times
Reputation: 1244
Does this "adult" have a job? Sounds like they need something to do..
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Old 04-07-2011, 09:26 PM
 
Location: BK All Day
4,480 posts, read 8,168,801 times
Reputation: 4275
No not this board too!
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Old 04-07-2011, 09:29 PM
 
9,356 posts, read 14,571,938 times
Reputation: 15094
The parents have no "financial responsibility" to an adult child, anything from that point on is a gift!
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Old 04-07-2011, 10:10 PM
 
926 posts, read 1,830,272 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Sounds like mom is tired of subsidizing their adult child's lifestyle. Just because the parents put money in the account doesn't mean it has to be used. If the "child" objects, simply don't use it and return the money on a periodic basis. And change the account so that parents don't have access....You can only put money into an account you are a signatory on. It would seem to me, an adult would not choose to have their parents on their account if they didn't want them in their business.. just sayin'
Ah but what if the Mom insists on making money transfers to the child's account, wants to wash her clothes and basically babies the adult child? Obviously this can't go on forever, so yes I suppose Mom is getting fed up. Dad is semi retired with a good pension but I suppose money is no longer flowing liberally like it used to.

Note that all it takes is for the child to provide her bank account number in order for the Mom to make the online transfer. The only way the child can block it (she asked the bank) is to close the account. Seems rather drastic gesture, as this same bank account is the one where she receives her payroll and has been in good standing with the bank for years.
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Old 04-07-2011, 10:12 PM
 
926 posts, read 1,830,272 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyKLO View Post
Does this "adult" have a job?
Yes, 5 days a week albeit part time.
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Old 04-08-2011, 07:07 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,361 posts, read 40,476,077 times
Reputation: 46657
yes you can put money in an account without being a signatory. My business manager does not have any rights to my account but he does deposit my rent proceeds. my son pays his cell phone directly into my account because we share a cell phone plan.
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Old 04-08-2011, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Denver area
20,965 posts, read 21,612,204 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
yes you can put money in an account without being a signatory. My business manager does not have any rights to my account but he does deposit my rent proceeds. my son pays his cell phone directly into my account because we share a cell phone plan.
But he does those things with your permission. That probably would have been better wording than signatory.

If it bothers this young adult so much, he can either block the deposits, change accounts, or return the money. Just because someone puts it there, doesn't mean he is forced to spend it.
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Old 04-08-2011, 08:06 AM
 
Location: Denver area
20,965 posts, read 21,612,204 times
Reputation: 34726
Quote:
Originally Posted by ValueAddedWorker View Post
Ah but what if the Mom insists on making money transfers to the child's account, wants to wash her clothes and basically babies the adult child? Obviously this can't go on forever, so yes I suppose Mom is getting fed up. Dad is semi retired with a good pension but I suppose money is no longer flowing liberally like it used to.

Note that all it takes is for the child to provide her bank account number in order for the Mom to make the online transfer. The only way the child can block it (she asked the bank) is to close the account. Seems rather drastic gesture, as this same bank account is the one where she receives her payroll and has been in good standing with the bank for years.
Mom can "want" to wash clothes etc all she wants to. If the daughter in question doesn't bring her laundry over, then that won't happen. It sounds to me as if the daughter is a willing (perhaps reluctant but willing) participant in all this.
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