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Being treated differently because you don't have kids, is the same as being treated differently because you aren't married by the time you're 30. It's awful being shunned by social circles because a couple doesn't have kids, or a person isn't married. People need to get over themselves and appreciate the fact that we are not all alike.
I ask, because sometimes my brother and I (both of us have children) will get together for something kiddish and not necessarily invite my other (childless) brother. I do'nt think he feels left out, and it's not because we don't like him or because we think he's less valid for not having children... but really, he probably is not interested in a karate class for kids or what have you. On DH's side, recently all of the families got together to let the kids go sledding. None of the couples without kiddos came... I assume they were not invited, because we were doing something that centered around the kids.
If you are feeling left out of events that center around children, you could still go. I'm sure it's not intentional... more of a "why would they want to go?" type of situation. Just make it known that you are interested in these type of events, because you'd like to spend time with your nieces and nephews. If yo'ure being left out of weddings and family reunions, though, then I agree that that is rude.
And not to the OP, but to other posters who are joyous about their freedom from children... not to try to change your mind, but you do realize that having children does not necessarily preclude you from nice vacations, large screen TVs, etc, right? We've taken the kids to Europe and around the USA (road trips, even), we go to restaurants and we do actually have a big flat-screen TV. We didn't take them when they were babies, but now that they're a bit bigger, we do what we want and take them along. They do'nt really cramp our style.
Family and Friends Treat us Poorly Because We do not Have Kids
Ok, I am wondering who you have in your circle of friends and howcome your family has not learned to butt out of your business? My son and his wife have decided to not have kids and although no one in this world wants to be a Grandma anymore than I do, I don't say a word to them about it. It is none of my business just like your friends and family learn to understand it is none of theirs.
I am always amazed at how the people closest to you can and will manage your life if you let them. Everyone has an opinion on what you should do or not do and everyone can do it 10 times better than you, blindfolded and drunk to boot..right? Let me tell you how my son in all his infinite wisdom offered me some behind the back advice and it backfired.
About 5 years ago, I put on a ton of weight..I mean BIG MOMMA. I was tired, my skin was dry..lots of symptoms. My son was running amuck behind my back telling everyone but ME how he felt about my big weight gain. So.........I go to the doctor finally; my decision and find out that my thyroid is NOT functioning and I could have gotten very sick. I told my son and his face got red; especially red when I told him I knew he was voicing his opinion to everyone but me. NEXT........I was having some issues breathing or being short of breath so I quit smoking. Again, he is yapping behind my back as are my sisters and the rest of the family first of all about my BIG BUTT then about my shortness of breath. OH MY GOODNESS...I end up with an Aneurysm that is measuring 4.8 to 5.6 centimeters and has to be repaired...oh...and I also need valve replacement. Again...he is eating humble pie.
My point...do NOT let anyone treat you badly not ever because of a decision you have made. People have to learn to NOT try to run everyone elses life when perhaps their own is in a mess.
You know what I would do? When they start discussing it just tell them.... Sure I will pop out a dozen or so...... Can I give them to you afterwards? If you want me to have them so badly, then you can take them when I do." That will probably shut them up. It is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS, tell them so.
We haven't been able to have children so far (still trying though..hopefully it will happen) and its amazing the crass comments that people have. I personally have not told anyone outside of my immediate family and 2 very close friends but some of my family have taken it upon themselves to pass the word along to every person under the sun that I might possibly be related too. If I have to hear "...why don't you just adopt?" or "....why dont you just get a pet?' one more time I might lose my cool. Unfortunately everybody has an opinion. I'm over answering people's questions who should not be in my business so now when they ask I look them in the face, smile and very obviously change the subject. Most of the time people look shocked and move on but there are a few who don't get it.
[quote=Dingler;1166662]My wife and I are getting more and more flack from so called friends and family because we have decided to not have children. quote]
There's nothing "wrong" with you and the wife..that's your choice, you're fine with it...if others don't understand, then forget that or them. You have to live with major decisions like that, not them. I know of some people (family) who don't have kids, it doesn't make them less than others for the choice (or sometimes it's not their choice). But also understand that others aren't open-minded and you'll get a different or negative reactions because they don't understand.
Like I said, you have to live with your choices everyday, not others. As long as this is what you guys Really want, then so be it.
It's funny that when people see negative cases such as neglected, abused or abandoned children it is easy to understand that having children is not for everyone. Yet when perfectly healthy, normal, responsible adults make a conscious decision that having children is not for them, people think that it is crazy, wrong, or there must be something wrong with them. They just can't relate to or understand it. I have spoken to people with kids that although they love their kids (I assume), are very unhappy and unfulfilled in their lives because of the demands of having kids and say that having kids is not all it's cracked up to be. There are also those of course that have kids, love their kids and enjoy parenthood and whatever demands come with it. I say whatever works for you. Human beings have this visceral need to judge! Live and let live and have the courage to make the decisions that work for you not others. You just have to be thick skinned about it and know that you owe no one any excuses or explanations because there is nothing wrong with the way you feel. If people sense your discomfort they will continue to make it an issue. If they see that it's a non-issue for you then they have to deal with their own discomfort.
Do y'all realize this is almost a 2 year old thread
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Family and Friends Treat us Poorly Because We do not Have Kids
